Star Trek: Insurrection
Review written by: Alex Sandell


Will the "odd-numbered curse"
strike again?

What's the story?

Picard (Patrick Stewart) and company rebel against the Federation once again, this time to protect a hippie colony from being exported out of Utopia.

So how is it? (Get to the point, already)

If Merchant-Ivory produced a "Star Trek" film, this would be it. A man who must have been about 7 feet tall sat in front of me at the theater, blocking my view. At first this infuriated me; by the end of the movie I felt like thanking him. Watching his gigantic head bobbing up and down was the only thing that managed to keep me awake.

Insurrection runs less than two hours but feels like it never ends. Whenever Picard's new girlfriend Anij (Donna Murphy) magically puts the world in slow-motion (don't ask), it feels like director Jonathan Frakes is applauding his pacing of the film. It just plods along as though there is no need to actually entertain the audience when you can just bore the hell out of them and still bring in 30-million the first week.

There are a few redeeming scenes toward the end of the movie, but nothing you haven't seen in the million sci-fi flicks that have went before it. There's nothing new in the special-effect's department, either. The effects seem to have been sacrificed to cover the lead actor's ever-increasing salaries. The film suffers from a dated look due to this. 1996's Star Trek: First Contact was ahead of its time with the stunning visual effects it showed us. It is unfortunate that Insurrection took a step backward.

All in all, this film isn't worth your time. It is nothing more than one of those "sucky" episodes you would turn off on TV. "Oh, no! They're playing that Insurrection episode again! Is Jerry Springer on?"

If you must see it, wait for video. Pass this one up at the theater and go rent any of the even numbered sequels such as parts 2, 4, 6 or 8. When it comes to the "Star Trek" series, odd just isn't better.

What does it make you feel like eating?

Anything with lots of caffeine in it.

What are you selling us here???

An "art-house" movie for nerds.

If it won an Oscar, what would it be?

"The Big, Fat Disappointment Award" - Star Trek: Insurrection

On a scale of 1-10?

4

Agree? Disagree? Wanna have cyber-sex? Email me at alex@juicycerebellum.com

Text (Copyright) 1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. If you copy this, without my permission, or even copy the "juicy" format, we'll be in court longer than Bill Clinton!

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