"Shakespeare in Love"
Review written by: Alex Sandell

What's the story?

Shakespeare (Joseph Fiennes) is more concerned with finding a life-long partner than he is with finishing his newest play. Just when things are looking bleak, in pops Viola De Lesseps (Gwyneth Paltrow), who is more concerned with acting in Shakespeare's newest play than she is in marrying the man her father picked out for her (some guy I forgot). But, *gasp* *sob*, the two are from opposite sides of the tracks, and aren't meant to be. The forbidden romance between them and their inevitable parting inspires a melodramatic, drab and predictable play known as, "Romeo and Juliet".

So how is it? (Get to the point, already)

First of all, I hate Shakespeare's writing. I dread it. It's overly dramatic garbage translated into poetry and thought to be classic. Now, I know about 80% of you will be like, "right on! He's stepping on the boring dude's toes, and in public, no less! It's about fuckin' time!" But then there's the other 20% of you. The really vocal 20%. The ones who spend their entire life defending really boring stuff as high-brow art. The ones who say they "get it" and the rest of us just "don't understand". Okay, yeah, whatever. You must be right.

"Romeo and Juliet" is just too tough for the mainstream public. A sappy romance about love that wasn't meant to be. Feuding families that learn from their children's passion . . . only too late. Nope, can't comprehend that. For those of you who can't understand something unless one uses the word "thou" a lot, and writes in lousy poetry, what I'm doing is being sarcastic. I have no trouble understanding Shakespeare. I just understand that he sucks. You disagree? Fine. To each their own. Now that that's settled, can we move on?

Okay, the movie, "Shakespeare in Love". How is it? As overrated as Shakespeare himself. Probably more. The film simply parallels the events in Shakespeare's life with the play that he's writing. Basically, it's "Romeo and Juliet" tucked within "Romeo and Juliet"

The comedy, with exception made for one hilarious scene, falls flat on its face. The acting is good, but with these outdated lines we've all heard five-million times, who even cares? The directing is okay, but nothing spectacular. The writing is horrid. There isn't a single thing in this movie that you don't anticipate happening, before it actually happens. The end gives itself away by the beginning and toward the middle you just wish that it'd end.

What does it make you feel like eating?

You know, this "eating" topic is turning out to be a lot more difficult than I thought it would be.

What are you selling us here???

Even more copies of "Romeo and Juliet".

If it won an Oscar, what would it be?

"Most Overrated Film Since 'The English Patient'" - "Shakespeare in Love"

On a scale of 1-10?

1 (Maybe a 2, just for the one comedic scene that actually got a laugh out of me.)

Agree? Disagree? Email me at alex@juicycerebellum.com

Text (Copyright) 1999 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. If you copy this, without my permission, or even copy the "juicy" format, we'll be in court longer than Bill Clinton!

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