"Armageddon"
Review written by: Alex Sandell

What's the story?

Harry S. Stamper (Bruce Willis), the best oil digger on earth, or something, is called upon by NASA when the world looks to be destroyed by an approaching meteor. He, along with a bunch of his redneck, SUV driving butt-buddies and his sexy daughter (Liv Tyler, the only good thing to come out of "Aerosmith") decide that it's in their best interest to save the world; but not before making fun of environmentalists, playing heavy metal music, and spouting recycled cowboy lines.  Finally, the gang of unfit misfits get sent out to stop the "evil" meteor before it destroys the planet.

So how is it? (Get to the point, already)

It's the wet-dream Bruce Willis (outspoken Republican/Moron) has been having for years. He gets to make fun of "bleeding hearts," and then save the earth, all by his good 'ol self (and his oddly cast "team"). It's loud, full of computer effects, and is sort of annoying. Kind of like a conservative version of me. Weird . . .

What does it make you feel like eating?

Shit.

Can you believe you wasted your money on this fucking thing?

What are you selling us here???

A big, macho male fantasy, a soundtrack full of rock 'n' roll remakes, and a bunch of little NASA spaceships.

If it won an Oscar, what would it be?

"Loudest Film Ever To Enter Theaters" - Sound Mix Guy

On a scale of 1-10?

2 (I give it a "2" because I'm a "liberal" and try to share the wealth)

Agree? Disagree? Wanna have cyber-sex? Email me at alex@juicycerebellum.com

Text (Copyright) 1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. If you copy this, without my permission, or even copy the "juicy" format, we'll be in court longer than Bill Clinton!

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1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].