Review written by: Alex Sandell

What's the story?

A bunch of guys want to get into Elizabeth's (Cate Blanchett) pants to gain access to her kingdom. Elizabeth only has a set of eyes for one man, though; and he ain't one of the guys trying to go down her pants, he's one that's already been there. This sends the guy from Jurassic Park (Richard Attenborough) and a bunch of other people into a tizzy, causing a lot of treachery, blackmail and back-stabbing (literally, in some cases) to occur.

So how is it? (Get to the point, already)

There's some good acting, cinematography, and awesome directing. Once in a while you might even forget that you're bored.  This is one of those boring movies you might actually enjoy.  I ended up liking it, even though I kept wishing it was over.  Weird, huh?

What does it make you feel like eating?

That guy from "Shakespeare in Love" (Joseph Fiennes), so he stops acting in all these tedious movies featuring Queen Elizabeth.

What are you selling us here???

A fabricated plotline making all Catholics look evil, when we all know that only about 99.999% of them are.

If it won an Oscar, what would it be?

"Other Boring Elizabethan Movie To Come Out In 1998." - Elizabeth

On a scale of 1-10?


Agree? Disagree? Wanna have cyber-sex? Email me at alex@juicycerebellum.com

Text (Copyright) 1999 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. If you copy this, without my permission, I'll send "Jane Doe Number 5" after you!

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