"The Rugrats Movie"
Review written by: Alex Sandell


Boy we're lucky Paramount
Studios owns the rights to Indiana Jones!

What's the story?

A bunch of toddlers with advanced intelligence and gigantic heads which I am assuming hold brains of epic proportions (although unable to comprehend proper pronunciation of words if the mispronounced words are able to gather even the mildest of laughter) get lost in the woods. One of the big headed mutant thingies has a new brother named Dillan Pickle (I may have spelled that wrong. If I did, chalk it up to my lack of caring.). They prefer to call him "Dil". Get it? "Dil Pickle"?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

Lost in the woods the two newfound and feuding brothers learn to love one another while, at the same time, the oldest of the two tiny tots figures out what the value of friendship really is. The parents (who are the most annoying part of the film) look for the children as the children seek out a ranger's lodge which they think is the house of a great "lizard" (I.E. - wizard). (Add large, sarcastic amounts of the word "ha" here.)

So how is it? (Get to the point, already)

If you're a kid, you'll probably like it. If you have kids, you'll probably like it. If cutesy shit like "the great lizard" gets on your nerves after about 3 minutes, you will inevitably want to walk out near the middle. That's not to say this film is only 6 minutes long. You'll just wish it was.

Still, with "poop" jokes a plenty, and one rollicking fart joke, it does have its "hits" along with the misses. I couldn't help but find myself giggling on occasion. Possibly to the point of what some may diagnose as "mild laughter".

The lackluster, "soon-to-be-a-$19.95-or-less-video" animation is what really annoyed me. As of this writing "Rugrats" has already made like 7-trillion dollars. Why the low-budget drawings?

I guess that's what you get from the Paramount animation department (creators of the "Beavis and Butthead" movie). Cheap film with big returns.

All in all, I wouldn't recommend this movie unless you're a parent, a child, or retarded.

What does it make you feel like eating?

Poop?

What are you selling us here???

Anything it can get its grubby paws on. There are Rugrat dolls, Rugrat Burger King tie-ins, Rugrat videos, Rugrat buttplugs. I'm even trying to get a "Totally Juicy Rugrat" tie-in. After this review, my prospects are looking bleak.

If it won an Oscar, what would it be?

"Film to get the most cheap laughs out of normal bodily functions" - Rugrats

On a scale of 1-10?

5

Agree? Disagree? Wanna have cyber-sex? Email me at alex@juicycerebellum.com

Text (Copyright) 1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. If you copy this, without my permission, or even copy the "juicy" format, we'll be in court longer than Bill Clinton!

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