"Deep Blue Sea"
Review written by: Alex Sandell

This sucker wins the prize for
coolest one-sheet of the summer!

What's the story?

It's just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo (I can't believe I just said "mumbo-jumbo") created to set up one hell of a suspenseful movie.

So how is it? (Get to the point, already)

What do you get when you mix equal parts Jurassic Park, Alien, Jaws and Predator together, throw in a dash of bad dialogue, and have a fairly decent action director (Renny Harlin) bring it all to life?  Deep Blue Sea, of course.  This film has one of the worst plots since Jaws III (3-D) and the cheesiest dialogue since The Haunting.  Still, this film has one big advantage over those other two piles of crap . . . the terror actually works.  Sea manages to scare the hell out of you, even while you're laughing at the horrible script and generic lines. 

The film also has something else going for it, that any true horror fan will genuinely appreciate:  you can't predict who is going to live, and who is going to die.  Right from the start, Harlin breaks all of the rules in the victim department, and when you realize this, the movie becomes far more unsettling than it probably deserves to be.  It's been a long time since I've felt my heart race like this in a horror film.  It's noisy, it's startling, it makes no excuses, it offers no apologies, and the damn thing is unrelenting in a way that no other mainstream monster movie has ever been.  It's definitely the first film that I've praised for giving me a horrible tension headache.

Harlin definitely knows how to make things tense with his "never back down" directing style.   My palms began sweating early on, and didn't really stop until the last 10 or 15 minutes of the film, when things just got a little too cheesy, and I wanted to groan rather than scream.  The horrible dialogue spewed out in a frantic race to tie up loose plot threads (which are so simplistic, you've probably read messages in fortune cookies that have more creative thought behind them) before the "terrifying" finale moved beyond the cute sort of "how dumb" realm and into the "how fucking stupid can you get?!?" world of eye rolling and head scratching.

The Computer Generated Images (CGI, for those of you who haven't been paying close enough attention to my computer related ranting over the past three years) take the movie to unnecessary depths of cheesiness that could have been avoided with a little trick camera work and mechanical monsters.  It's sad that scenes that could have easily been some of the scariest on film are lowered down to the level of "just kinda scary" due to the CGI.   It's also depressing that a movie that could have easily been the best underwater thrill-ride since the original Jaws turns out to be only "sufficiently suspenseful" due to the rancid writing that could have been nipped and tucked and turned into something legendary, if only the screenwriters would have treated it as something more than just another film to make people jump around a lot.  

But, when all is said and done, there's still that tension headache.  The one I'm happy about.  The one I got from being effectively scared out of my wits.  And, with a movie like this, that's all you really need.  The rest is just window dressing. 

What does it make you feel like eating?

Tylenol.  Advil.   ANYTHING to get rid of this throbbing migraine pain!

What are you selling us here???

Coca-Cola (hey, at least it's not Pepsi, for once).  

If it won an Oscar, what would it be?

"Close, but no cigar!!" - Deep Blue Sea

On a scale of 1-10?


Agree? Disagree? Wanna have cyber-sex? Email me at alex@juicycerebellum.com

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Text (Copyright) 1999 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. If you copy this, without my permission, I'll throw you in the pool with one of those 45 foot long bastards!

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