Review written by: Alex Sandell

Some dirty old man eyes a
hot young brunette.

What's the story?

Gin Baker (Catherine Zeta-Jones) goes after Robert MacDougal (Sean Connery), a notorious thief, in a game of cat and mouse.  During the chase, and the "who's who" of cops and crooks, the two start seeing each other in a romantic light, and decide to commit the robbery of the century at the doors of a new millennium.  Hey, it could happen.  (Snicker snicker, nudge nudge.)

So how is it? (Get to the point, already)

I don't think this movie even knows what it is trying to be, and because of that, it winds up coming across as nothing more than yet another convoluted ego-trip for Mr. Connery.  It starts out as a James Bond type thriller, full of interesting gadgets and lots of high-wire stunts, but quickly gets bogged down in a flaccid romance that seems about as genuine as Bob Dole in a Viagra commercial, and has even worse dialogue.

I'm not sure if it's the lines that she was given, or the way she performed them (a little of both, most likely), but Catherine Zeta-Jones is embarrassing as the sugar-coated Gin Baker, who seems to be doing nothing more than a bad Audrey Hepburn impression.  Sean Connery doesn't fair much better with his "lonely crook with a heart of gold" character, and appears to be drunk throughout most of the film, due to his slurred Scottish accent which seems to stand out more with each passing year.  The two of them together are laughable as "romantic" leads.  Their chemistry is abysmal, and Sean Connery comes off more as an abusive father, rather than a sensual lover.

Although most of the movie consists of this idiotic affair to forget, there are a few fairly entertaining action sequences.  Sadly, they're spread thinly out over the two hours, and we're forced to watch the stuff in-between to get to them.  Connery and Jones simply don't have what it takes to sustain a romantic thriller.

If you enjoy Connery as an actor (sorry, I just can't see anyone enjoying Jones, unless there's something I missed - and I'm talking about more than her body), I'd recommend waiting for video, and, more importantly, a fast-foward button.  In the theater, you'll end up feeling like your life has been put on "pause." 

What does it make you feel like eating?

Anything, as long as it helps pass the time.

What are you selling us here???

68-year-old men really can date hot chicks in their twenties.  Really, they can!  Sean Connery says so.   

If it won an Oscar, what would it be?

"The 'Robbing the Cradle' Award" - Sean Connery

On a scale of 1-10?

4 (for the scattered action scenes, nothing more)

Agree? Disagree? Wanna have cyber-sex? Email me at alex@juicycerebellum.com

Text (Copyright) 1999 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. If you copy this, without my permission, or even copy the "juicy" format, I'll send NATO after you!

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