ON SALE NOW!
CLICK A POSTER ABOVE FOR MORE INFO.!
Review written by: Alex Sandell
"Okay, you're taller, but
I can point my finger at people
in a threatening manner! Not
impressed? Did I mention
that I was Indiana Jones?"
the right-wing Republicans who let the word "communist" roll off of
their tongues as though they're coughing up a vile hairball are going to have
coronaries when they see this film. Screenwriter, Louis Nowra, and
director, Kathryn Bigelow, present the Russians in such a sympathetic light
in this somewhat true story, that they should seriously consider stationing a
nurse at each theater across the United States to check the blood pressure of
any full-blooded, FOX NEWS worshipping, George W. Bush coveting patriot before
he or she sits down in his or her stadium seat.
delighted with the way K-19 presented Russians as people, rather than
caricatures. They weren't bad guys from a Bond flick or loopy cartoon
villains trying to stop a flying squirrel and talking moose. They were heroes trying to
prevent a Cold War World from going into World War III due to a faulty submarine
and a few nuclear warheads that were about to have a premature ejaculation all
over an American warship and NATO base. The premise is captivating; the
picture is not.
celluloid product trivializes the actual events that took place on the K-19.
Although National Geographic assisted in helping with the accuracy of the movie,
it still comes off as a fabrication of reality created by the Hollywood cash
factory, and appears to be in pursuit of nothing nobler than big summer box
office returns. Why pay Harrison Ford 25 million to do a horrible job
faking a Russian accent
when there are actual Russian actors out there who could provide us with the
real thing, and would work for scale? When I think of the financial ruin
Russia is currently in, and how far the country could stretch Ford's single
paycheck, it makes me feel more than a little green about the gills to be a
part of this crew of sailors afloat in the sea of American greed.
As if to
get the full 25 million dollars worth out of its star, the film chooses to focus
less on the interesting and intense true-life events that happened aboard the
K-19, than it does on an ongoing pissing match between Captain Alexei Vostrikov
(Harrison Ford) and Captain Mikhail Polenin (Liam Neeson). The excess
amount of time devoted to the heated debates between Ford and Neeson's
characters was obviously an attempt at getting as much quality
"star-time" out of the picture as possible, even at the expense of the
a lot of things going for it, but attaching Harrison Ford to the leading role wasn't one
of them. Ford is a, "look at me!" type actor. This suits
him perfectly for movies such as Raiders of the Lost Ark or Blade
Runner. It doesnít work as
well in a picture where you need to separate the character from the man playing
him. Widowmaker needed a
talented ensemble performer who was either not very well known, or just happened
to be a thespian chameleon (where's Philip Seymour Hoffman when you need him?).
On a scale of 1-10?
Agree? Disagree? Feeling bored and wanna write a letter that you'll probably never get a response to? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Don't forget to check out Box Office Jesus's weekend box office picks! He's gotta be close, I mean, he is Jesus, and everything!
Click here to read The Juicy Cerebellum's review of Road to Perdition! Click here to read The Juicy Cerebellum's review of Reign of Fire! Click here to read The Juicy Cerebellum's review of Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course! Click here to read The Juicy Cerebellum's review of, Halloween: Resurrection!
Click the banner above and buy just about any film - even on DVD - for less than $13.00!
Like movies? LOVE THEM? Want the inside-scoop, cranky criticism and Juicy movie news, before the rest of the world? Sign up for the daily More On Movies Newsletter by simply sending an email to email@example.com saying "Midgets Love Movies!" Remember, the last word on film, is Juicy!
Text ©(Copyright) 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].
Back to The Juicy Cerebellum!
Back to the movie reviews!