Pamela Anderson

Pieces of April

The Cat in The Hat



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Pam and Jenny's boobs nearly deflate
when they find out that they're only
making cameo appearances in the film.

Scary Movie 3
Review written by: Alex Sandell

In my review of Scary Movie 2, I wrote: "As an avid fan of 'spoof' type films, especially classics like Airplane and Kentucky Fried Movie, and as an avid fan of horror flicks, I thought Scary Movie sounded like the best thing since Playboy announced they were doing a second Voluptuous Vixens DVD."  I went on to discuss how disappointed I was in the first Scary Movie.  Regarding Scary Movie 2, I said:  "I hoped that the Wayans, and everyone else involved, would learn from their mistakes, and actually get it right this time.  Regrettably, the sequel is a simple rehash of the original, wrapped up in all the same mistakes, and misfires.And then, in an eerie moment of ESP (or, as they say in Scary Movie 3 "ESPN"), I wrote, "If there's any justice in this world, and if a Scary Movie 3 is ever made, hopefully the Wayans will be out on their asses and the creators of this kind of comedy, and the only ones who know how to do it right, will come in and whip this franchise into shape.  Are you listening, Jerry and David Zucker?"  A little over 2 years later, and out comes Scary Movie 3.  And guess what?  The Wayans are gone and David Zucker is the director. 

I should be getting paid for this kind of shit.  At least my own 1-900 number, or something.

I've heard that you should be careful what you wish for, because sometimes you just might get it.  I've always thought that was an idiotic axiom spit out by idiots who have never gotten anything that they ever wished for, other than idiotic axioms to spout.  And again, I was right.  Scary Movie 3 is funny.  It's the first film of the series to actually make me laugh consistently throughout.  Although it somehow managed to get a PG-13 rating, it's actually more controversial, more outrageous and, most importantly, far funnier than the first two films. 

And man is this movie politically incorrect.  This is as anti-PC as they come.  David Zucker (who rewrote the script) has still got it in spades.  It's like all those crappy movies he made when he stopped being funny were never even released.  This picks up right where Kentucky Fried Movie and Airplane! left off.  If you're human, something in here was made to offend you.  There are jokes made at the expense of abused children, American Presidents, Catholic Priests, black rappers, white rappers, Asian drivers, dumb blondes, the handicapped, homosexuals and Mother Teresa.  I felt pretty safe, never having been physically abused, an American President, a Catholic Priest, a black rapper, a white rapper, an Asian driver, a dumb blonde, a homosexual, a handicapped homosexual, or even Mother Teresa.  "Phew," I thought to myself, "I'm off the hook."  And then the most mean-spirited joke ever made at the expense of epileptics was thrown into the mix.  "Hey," I said really loudly in my head, so maybe someone sitting next to me could hear my thoughts coming out of one of my ears, "I'M EPILEPTIC!"

Now this was just too much.  Zucker and the rest of the gang involved with this picture were making jokes about my disability.  They were even forcing me to watch someone have a mock convulsion.  They then made jokes about how people sometimes pee when they go into a seizure.  THOSE BASTARDS!  I would have gotten up and walked out, but then I worried about having a seizure on the way to the door.  I'd have the audiences in stitches.  Epilepsy is funny now.  So I stayed.  And then I realized that I was laughing.  I was laughing really hard.  For a second, I confused my laughter for a seizure, and stopped myself from laughing for a moment to make sure I was still conscience, and then I started laughing again.  And I have a point here.  Really. 

If you can't laugh at yourself, this isn't the movie for you.  If you're easily offended when other people laugh about things that have caused pain in your life, this isn't the movie for you.  If you really think Mother Teresa performed miracles, this movie isn't for you.  So, quit reading this review.  You'll hate the film.  Scratch it from your "things-to-do" list, and go see Radio.  I hear they handle disabilities with kid gloves in that movie.

Okay, are you gone?  Good.

Now, for those of you left, here's the 411 (or the "611," as they say in Scary Movie 3):  Get ready to laugh your asses off!  The film is based on Signs, The Ring and 8 Mile.  But it's basically just a way to string together a bunch of jokes.  It follows the formula set by the first two films, but breaks the mold by actually being funny.  It's insensitive toward everyone and everything and barrels through "sensitive" topics like George W. Bush through environmental regulations.  Like every Zucker film, the laughs are hit-and-miss, but the hits come fast enough that you usually end up laughing through the misses. 

My brother said it best when he said, "that was funny."  Amen, Matt!  Funny, it is!  And isn't that why we used to go to comedies?  Have we really become so damn scared of the slim chance that we might offend somebody with a joke that we, as a nation, have stopped joking for entertainment, and instead issue color-coded terrorist alerts, without so much as a smile?  I mean, these alerts are COLOR-CODED!  How did this happen without any of us happening to laugh?  Maybe it's due to the fact that America's lost its sense of humor (unless we're making fun of France). 

People could become empowered by the boldness of Scary Movie 3.  They may actually gather up the nerve to say what they really think.  Can you imagine what would have happened if Al Gore would have said what he really thought when George Bush stole the election from him?  Drop the "concession" from "concession speech."  Can you imagine what would happen now, if George W. Bush really said what he thought?  "I don't think there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.  I never thought it.  I was just playin' ya, America.  And you bought it.  Suckers!" 

And it could all start with a twisted joke about a donut and a hotdog in Scary Movie 3.  If not, there's always Scary Movie 4.  I see that it's already in pre-production, with the same creative team that made this one. 

Of course I feel obligated to mention that Scary Movie 3 has no substance, whatsoever.  If you're a fan of Naked Gun, Airplane! and/or Kentucky Fried Movie, you pretty much know what to expect (watch for Leslie Nielson's reprise of his classic line from Airplane!).  This is a gut-busting comedy.  Go and have a good time.  Laugh 'til it hurts, and please - for the love of God and Country - stop taking everything so seriously! 

On a scale of 1-10?


What does this rating mean?  Everyone rates things differently.  Your "5" could be my "7," or vice-versa.  Find out what MY rating means by clicking here

Agree? Disagree? Feeling bored and wanna write a letter that you'll probably never get a response to?  Email me at 

Coming soon -- Reviews of The Matrix Revolutions, Elf, In the Cut and Brother Bear!

Other recent film reviews on THE JUICY CEREBELLUM (click on a film's title to go to its review):

In the Cut

Pieces of April

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

House of the Dead

Kill Bill

Mystic River

The Rundown

Cold Creek Manor

The Fighting Temptations


Once Upon a Time in Mexico


Got Cookies

Freddy vs. Jason

Carmen Electra

In The Cut


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Text (Copyright) 2003 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].