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Audience members cause a traffic
jam escaping the
overblown tedium that is The Day After Tomorrow.
The Day After
Tomorrow
Review written by: Alex Sandell
The ads for The Day After Tomorrow ask, "where will you be?" If moviegoers have any sense, they'll be at Shrek 2, Super Size Me or Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Roland Emmerich's answer to his 1998 monster dud, Godzilla is to prove he can make a movie even more banal, loud, ridiculous and expensive than his 1998 monster dud, Godzilla.
The film starts out with a smidgeon of promise. Although the dialogue is clunky right out of the gate, there's a nice jab at the anti-Kyoto folks (you know who you are) and then a few awesome tornadoes ravishing California (unfortunately, all of them missed Mr. Emmerich's house). Tidal waves hit New York and computer generated people run around like chickens with their computer generated heads cut off. After being inundated with tidal waves and tornadoes, you quickly discover that this thriller is without a single thrill. You may as well set your popcorn on it, because you won't be sitting on the edge of your seat once during this picture. The movie never successfully pulls you in. You're simply an observer of computer generated shit hitting the proverbial fan.
For a disaster film to work, it has to be plausible. The Day After Tomorrow is merely laughable. This movie was custom made for the cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000 to sit in front of and ridicule. One minute a pilot's fuel line freezes in seconds due to being at the center of the storm, and the next Dennis Quaid (fresh off of two other cinematic sleeping pills, Cold Creek Manor and The Alamo) is keeping his buddy and himself toasty by keeping the burners of a gas stove burning. One moment people are instantly freezing by being exposed to the air, and the next some kid is up to his neck talking on a payphone in freezing cold water fresh from the Atlantic Ocean. The scariest thing about The Day After Tomorrow is that every channel is playing Fox News. A world with Fox News and nothing else... there's your disaster flick.
After being bombarded with flat effects void of the personality Jan de Bont brought to 1996's overrated Twister (remember the flying cows, anyone?), we are subjected to the most implausible father/son redemption tale ever committed to film. As the father races toward his son, New York City and the eye of the storm, his boy is settling into a pointless romance with a classmate he's stuck in a library with, where they warm themselves by burning books (yeah, that'll keep those subzero temperatures at bay). The lovey-dovey dialogue between the two is such a clichéd mess, George Lucas would veto it.
To be fair, there are a couple of semi-enjoyable visuals in the film. While the CG leans toward the lackluster, there is an amusing scene where a Russian freighter ship makes its way through the city of New York. You get an underwater view of the ship hitting sunken busses, cars and whatever else is floating in the shallow grave that was once the streets of the urban metropolis.
Unfortunately, even the handful of worthwhile moments are overshadowed by the shallow subplots (IE - filler material) surrounding them. Yes, the Russian ship hitting vehicles underwater looks cool. Subplot regarding a bunch of "heroic" boys breaking into the ship to get penicillin for the damsel in distress, only to come across a group of computer generated wolves, which are about as convincing as some guy dressed up in a rubber mask at the local funhouse, sucks the coolness out of the scene in seconds and makes you wonder, once again, why you're sitting through this waste of a movie.
If watching 30 minutes of shit being destroyed and spending 90 minutes listening to hideously drab conversations sounds like your thing, get in line for this film. Otherwise, avoid this movie like a cautious individual would the eye of a hurricane. I don't know about The Day After Opening, but I can guarantee that The Weekend After Next, when word of mouth gets out on this stinker, 20th Century Fox will have their own little disaster on their hands in the way of plummeting box office numbers. Mr. Emmerich will hopefully be out on the street holding a sign reading, "will work for a clue."
On a scale of 1-10?
2
What does this rating mean? Everyone rates things differently. Your "5" could be my "7," or vice-versa. Find out what MY rating means by clicking here.
Agree? Disagree? Feeling bored and wanna write a letter that you'll probably never get a response to? Email me at alex@juicycerebellum.com
COMING SOON - Reviews of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, The Chronicles of Riddick and lots of other stuff!
