In China, swordplay says, "I love you."

Hero
Review written by: Alex Sandell

If fashion designer Tracy Reese traveled back in time and became impregnated by cubist painter Pablo Picasso, and the Picasso/Reese baby grew up to work in film, Hero is the movie he'd die to be a part of.  The film is color-coordinated in a way that would make Elle Woods drool and the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy dudes melt.  The cinematography by Christopher Doyle is gorgeous and the movie, as a package, could almost burn your corneas with its beauty.  It's too bad that the film's allure is nearly destroyed by the ugly totalitarian message buried underneath.

The story is a simple one.  It borrows its setup from Akira Kurosawa's less attractive, but more substantive 1950 film, Rashômon.  After reportedly killing the three greatest assassins out to stop the king of Qin (Daoming Chen), a nameless official (Jet Li) is brought before the king to explain how he single-handedly eliminated the three major obstacles blocking the ruler's efforts to turn China into a single empire.  We see many variations of how events may or may not have played out, as the nameless swordsman regales the king with his heroic tales.  If you have yet to see Rashômon, think The Murder on the Orient Express or the ending of Clue, to get an idea of Hero's structure.  For an idea of its style, look toward its most obvious influence, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. 

Hero is the best looking movie ever projected onto a screen.  The imagery is above and beyond anything that has stunned audiences in the past.  While implementing much of what was already shown in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the film ups it to another level; its vibrant use of colors, scenery and swordplay caressing your eyeballs like a gigolo's tongue massages a clit.  From two skilled warriors deflecting thousands of arrows with nothing more than their colorful apparel to the draped background of the king's chamber becoming victim to an assassin's sword.  From the rain falling over two warriors like teardrops to the rustic fall leaves swarming like a cyclone around a fighter's white dress.  MY GAWD, MY EYES WANTED TO MAKE LOVE TO THIS FILM! 

Oops, sorry, I lost it there for a minute.

Like a fine artist, Director Yimou Zhang has turned imagery into poetry.  The movie sears its way into your brain and is welcome to stay there until age and atrophy evict it.  While the story itself rarely moved me, the director of photography's skill with a camera came close to bringing me to tears.  While I never found the characters particularly intriguing, the costumes they wore and the places they resided were enthralling.  But all of this cinematic magic hid a nationalistic, nation-building message beneath.  And that message was one that made me so upset; it took me months from attending the screening to actually writing a review of this film. 

The "moral" of the story is that the ends justify the means and, no matter how immoral the means, they're worth the ends.  If a ruthless tyrant can eventually bring peace by conquering empires and killing millions of innocent people, it is not to be frowned upon.  There are heroes on both sides, the movie tells us.  But, at the same time, it lets us know that the heroes on the "wrong" side are disposable. 

This message would do Leni Riefenstahl, Josef Goebbels and Rupert Murdoch proud.  It isn't right to slaughter people for rejecting your beliefs, having different colored skin or living in a place that you decide you'd like to take control of.  It isn't right to pound countries and provinces into submission.  Even so, in Hero, it's heroic. 

Despite its artistry, Hero left me feeling saddened and scared.  Its message isn't a good one for this time, or any other.  The film has a glossy angelic surface, but a hideous beast has raped its soul.

Agree? Disagree? Have questions?  Comments?  Email this critic at alex@juicycerebellum.com

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On a scale of 1-10?

7

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