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I'd be depressed,
too, if I gained all
that weight to star
in a dud like this!
The Edge of Reason
Review written by: Alex Sandell
readers: If you only want to read the "traditional" type review, it's the
"11 Nov 04" entry. If you want the review to actually read as it's
supposed to, start at the beginning. Without the stuff leading up to it,
I'm warning you that the "traditional" review will seem mediocre, at best.
You've been warned.)
22 Oct 04
Oh Diary, I am so excited! Just got word that I'm invited to the very special advance screening of Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, to take place the 27th of October! Only five more days! I will have to go on a bloody starvation diet, if I want to look good for this one!
26 Oct 04
Starvation diet failed. I'm actually up a pound. That's why they invented baggy clothing, right? If people don't like me for who I am, then that's their bloody problem! Only one more day until The Edge of Reason!
27 Oct 04
Dear Diary, I have been traumatized this evening. A sequel hasn't been this bad since the Police Academy team went on that mission to Moscow! That was a decade ago! Will this movie haunt me in the same way? To think, I gained a pound for this! So many things to hate about this new Bridget Jones, one doesn't know where to start, really. At least the film isn't unleashed upon the public until the 19th of November, giving me plenty of time to write my review.
04 Nov 04
My friend Heather sent me an email today with the subject line, "WTF?? Had you heard this?" A little word of advice, Diary; any subject line requiring three question marks and the initials "WTF" can never be good. The contents of the email had my procrastinating ass in a tizzy (that's a funny thought), they read: "I can't imagine that we were so completely off from the regular viewing public...but maybe?" Heather, a fan of the original film (I didn't think it was such a bad little romantic comedy, myself), hated The Edge of Reason as much as I did. She had part of a press statement pasted into her email reading, "Universal Pictures, citing good buzz from early screenings, has moved up the release date of 'Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason' one week to Nov. 12." "Good buzz?!?" No one can deny the fact that Universal can spin with the best of them. This movie will open big and then drop like a rock! Then again, maybe the 51% of U.S. voters dumb enough to vote for Bush will be dumb enough to go back to this film a second time! After November 2nd, anything seems possible! Reading between the lines, I'd say the press statement is actually saying, "Universal Pictures, citing unexpectedly poor buzz from early screenings, has moved up the release date of 'Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason' one week to Nov. 12, in hopes that some critics won't notice the changed date and a few negative reviews will fall through the cracks." Now I only have 7 days to write the review! And I have five other reviews to write in that same time period! Not to mention attending 3 screenings and trying to squeeze in an hour for myself, my XBOX and Halo 2! I didn't plan on writing the review until the 15th of November. I only had one other review to write that week (Alexander).
05 Nov 04
The Incredibles was a wonderful movie! Lived up to expectations, it did! Writing like a cockney lad, I am.
06 Nov 04
Funny thought just entered my head, during midget juggling class: what if I, instead of writing a review, compiled my diary entries about the film? Crazy thought, I know. Scratch that one, Alex!
11 Nov 04
Have been talking to my tape recorder for the past hour, planning out my review. I only have a few hours left to write it. There are so many things I need to touch on. Why did they change Bridget Jones from a quirky, eccentric lady, still based in reality, into a cartoon character? Not "cartoonish," but more like Bugs Bunny in drag? Why did the multiple screenwriters miss everything that was charming, sweet and funny about the first film, while amplifying everything else? The movie starts with Bridget jumping out of a plane, forgetting to open her parachute, landing in a pigpen and getting her pink jumpsuit covered in very brown hog shit. Appropriate when you realize that this movie could be summed up in two words: "hog" and "shit." Then you see a videotape repeatedly showing her getting up; butt in the camera, covered in crap. It only gets worse from there.
The movie is a series of humorless slapstick moments. In one, Bridget finds herself in a Thai prison, where they make jokes about women being abused by their husbands and forced, by their men, to take heroin. Funny stuff -- if you're a sadist! Bridget also teaches them to sing "Like a Virgin." She says, "if Madonna is one thing, she's a perfectionist." So we have a song and dance number in a stifling hot prison cell. Bridget is in front, playing Madonna, and the other prisoners are on a bench behind her, doing choreographed dancing while singing, "Like a virgin, fucked for the very first time!" See, it's humorous how they refuse to believe Bridget that the word is "touched." They insist that it's "fucked." Foreigners are funny, that way. I wonder why no one in the theater was laughing. I saw some people squirm and a few others excuse themselves, but there was no laughter.
Is there even a need to go on? Discussing the stupidity of this movie will probably become its own college course. If there's a silver-lining to any of this, maybe the film could become a bestselling DVD, under the title, "Mistakes to Avoid While Making a Sequel." Really, there is no need to discuss the missteps of this film any further. But, I can't resist. I had to sit through this thing, the least you can do is read about it.
Just a couple more horrible moments in this rancid movie: Bridget climbs on top of the roof of her boyfriend's house and falls down, enters and makes a fool of herself, covered in dirt, twigs and leaves. Didn't they already do this joke with the pig feces? Bridget is on a ski-slope when she realizes her period is late. The poor girl, unable to ski, ends up flying down a gigantic hill, in the process actually beating all professional downhill skiers and winning a skiing race, flying over a cliff, skiing down a road and stopping inside a drugstore, just in front of the counter, where she asks for a pregnancy test. I couldn't make this stuff up. Well, I could, but why would I want to? I'm sorry, but this film makes the Airplane! movies look like serious dramas.
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason is nothing more than a series of bad slapstick moments, with a few breakup scenes with Mark Darcy (Colin Firth) and then bitching from Bridget about the couple's breakups. There's also the inevitable flirtation with Daniel Cleaver (Hugh Grant), throughout the film. At least Mr. Grant has the nerve to laugh at himself, when it's revealed that his character has hired a hooker. Also, as Heather mentioned, Hugh was really hot in this film. Even as a straight man, I have to admit that I did notice he was looking better than usual, in this picture. Like Pierce Brosnan and Hugh Grant merged and created a man-god (Note to self: remove "man-god" comment before putting review online).
Possibly the saddest thing about this travesty trying to pass itself off as a comedy, is the completely wasted Jim Broadbent, as Bridget's dad. In the first one, his character was so much more believable and sympathetic (then again, all of the characters were). Broadbent is such a good actor that seeing him used as nothing more than a prop piece, dressed in all sorts of goofy colored clothing, is pathetic. Even though his moments were no better than anyone else's, Broadbent's talent made his scenes the funniest in the film. Were any of them worth laughing at? Unfortunately, no. But at least they didn't make you want to hide under your seat until everyone else left the theater and you could safely crawl out of the place with a small amount of your dignity left.
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason is one of the least dignified movies ever made. To be perfectly honest, the film is absolutely vile. It's like visiting a strip club or watching a porno with friends -- you feel ashamed that you took part in this event. I feel bad for those of you who adored the original and are about to be disappointed by this sequel. You will predict every joke before it happens, every plot point before it occurs and all of them will make you roll your eyes and feel sick. I'm sorry, but the character of Bridget Jones deserves better than that. And so do the millions of diehard fans of her character. If they don't want to see their hero degraded and destroyed, I'd recommend they stay home and rent the original film, or curl up and read one of the Bridget Jones' books. As much as Broadbent and Zellweger try to save the film with their performances, there is no justification for the existence of this movie, other than to exploit the success of the last one.
Agree? Disagree? Have questions? Comments? Email this critic at email@example.com
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