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The 31 Greatest
Horror Movies For Your 2005 Drunken Halloween Bash
(That Probably Cost Less To Make Than You Paid to Rent Out A Few Kegs*)
Horror Movie # 13: Friday the 13th Part 2
Halloween is a weird holiday. It's the only one where we celebrate spirits, reanimated corpses, and death (if you don't count Christmas). It's the one day out of the year where freaks can look normal and normal people go out of their way to look like freaks. And, best of all, it's a great excuse to pull out your stash of horror DVDs -- ranging from laughable low-budget garbage to quality low-budget classics -- and party like those dancing corpses in the Thriller video. Since many people consider a Halloween Party with the Scream trilogy and some Old Milwaukee a "smashing success," I figured I would put my unhealthy obsession with all things horror to good use and let the world in on the cinematic secrets to giving the best damn Halloween party ever!
Friday producers wisely decided
against the film's original title, Wheelchair
Access ... to Murder!
Friday the 13th Part 2
Review written by: Alex Sandell
Oh, come on -- this is a Friday the 13th film. Jason comes back from the dead with a chip on his shoulder and kills people in unique ways. People smoke pot and have sex. Not necessarily in that order. The end. Oh, and if you thought I was going to let the 13th movie on this list be anything other than a Friday the 13th, you just don't know me as well as I thought you did. Maybe we should take a break from each other for a while and explore our options. I've heard the "makeup review" is incredible.
How Many Beers Should Be Consumed Before Watching?
It depends how many more you want to drink after watching Friday the 13th Part 1 and Part 6. You'll already be pretty drunk (esp. if you play the Jason drinking game), so maybe you'll want to take it slow, sit back and relax as you watch the guy in the wheelchair get killed by way of machete (Jason's first machete kill, incidentally) and roll down a long flight of stairs. It's a tender moment that whispers, "I love you, and it's not just the alcohol talking."
Choosing between a score of "Light Bruising," "Recently Deceased," "Badly Decomposed" and "Puke-Inducing," Friday the 13th Part 2 is "Recently Deceased," verging on "Badly Decomposed." Its heart was in the right place, and it could have been the goriest of the bunch, but after a critical backlash over the violence in the first film, the MPAA was shamed into editing this thing like they owned a Mormon video store. Still, it's the thought that counts, and an ice-pick in the head, razor wire across the throat, hammer through the skull, and countless other deaths (okay, I counted -- there's 6 more) shows that, despite the MPAA's best intentions to sanitize the film, the producers of Friday the 13th Part 2 cared too much to let Jason's carnage be denied.
Would You Like Cheese With That?
Horror movies can be "Easy on the Cheese," "Regular Cheese," "Extra Cheesy" or "Instant Cheese Based Coronary." Friday the 13th Part 2 is "Easy on the Cheese." It's the least cheesy entry in the series. This one takes its stalking and slashing seriously. Okay, there is that crazy 1980's form of dancing (if you have two opposing thumbs and can point them in opposite directions, you're the next Travolta), but things were just that way in the 80's. It still gives me nightmares. *Shudder*
With "Let Off With a Warning," "Pay a Small Fine," "Put on Probation" and "Go Directly to Jail" to choose from, Friday the 13th Part 2 gets "Put on Probation." People get drunk and smoke weed. In this day and age where even anti-drug crusaders such as Rush Limbaugh are junkies, Is there anyone left on this planet that would find that surprising?
Sex and the Psycho
Horror flicks and sex go together like romantic comedies and crap. A terror movie can be rated "Nun," "Curious Schoolboy," "Chick After 8 Beers" or "Paris Hilton." Friday the 13th Part 2 earns the bubbly but slurring rating of, "Chick After 8 Beers." Some teenagers fuck and then die by double-impailment. All anyone really talks about is sex and there's a great skinny-dipping scene that warrants mention. I was only 11 the first time I saw this movie, and my friend and I must've paused it about a million times. "Really, I'm not lying, you can see her bush in this shot!" What we did was wrong. Puberty is a sin. I apologize.
When Should it Crash the Halloween Party?
There's no bad time for Friday the 13th Part 2. Since it's a little slow-moving and doesn't have many jokes (intentional or not), people should probably be a little tipsy. Maybe the 3rd or 4th film of the evening.
Will You Hate Yourself in the Morning?
Waking up from a night of partying can be downright depressing. Waking up with a cheap horror movie in your DVD player can feel like "Sex With a Hotty," "Sex With Someone in Your League," "Sex With Your Sister" or "Sex With a Sheep." Friday the 13th Part 2 is like having "Sex With a Hotty." This is the last "respectable" Friday the 13th. It's not the last entertaining film in the series, but it's the last one that really tries to scare its audience, rather than just going through the motions. Jason is still basically a mortal human without his super-powers (they were introduced in Part 3 and became Jason's trademark by Part 6). He's more a creepy, backwoods' Deliverance type dude than he is the hulking, hockey-masked, super-human zombie that people recognize as Jason Voorhees today. The movie does have a pretty tense chase scene toward the end and the rat and urine moment was ingenious. Okay, not ingenious, but clever in a twisted sort of way. I'm still waiting for another Friday the 13th film to go back to the serious feel of this one. I waited through Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 and Freddy vs. Jason. Maybe I'm waiting in vain, but I still think it's going to happen. Maybe it will be in the form of a remake, rather than a sequel, but they're bound to make Jason scary again. After sending him to Manhattan, the future, space, having him fight Freddy and turning him into a worm, what else can they do? They just have to be running out of really crappy ideas by now, right? Either way, Friday the 13th Part 2 is a good, underrated slasher film and one that you can be proud to play at your Halloween party and have in your permanent DVD collection.
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Fellow horror hound? Have any comments on this film? Recommendations for the list? Email Alex!
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