Are all Canadians as Hyper-Sensitive as You
Written by: Alex Sandell and Some Dumb Canadian
A couple of weeks ago, I added my Summer Movie Preview to this page (if you haven't seen it, SCROLL DOWN!), and made the apparent mistake of taking a few harmless stabs at Canadian films. Within two hours, I had received 3 letters from angry/upset/concerned Canadians. Within two days, I had received 14 letters from defensive Canadians (not one of them bothered to name a GOOD Canadian movie), who obviously do not have the ability to take a joke, if it's aimed at them, their country, or their country's movies. This is one of the 14 letters I received, and my responses to it.
Question: Asshole - Have you even saw a fucking Canadian movie?
Question: What the hell is your fucking problem with shit out of Canada?
Answer: Unless we're counting you, I don't have one.
Question: Do you really hate fucking Canadian movies?
Answer: I've never tried fucking a Canadian movie, but somehow I doubt I'd enjoy it. To answer the question I think you meant to ask, I have listed CANADIAN director Atom Egoyan as one of my three favorite "all-time" directors and I believe I put both Exotica and The Sweet Hereafter (both Canadian films) in my top fifty movies of all time. (After looking through my top 50 update, I found that I didn't put either of those movies in it. But, if it makes you feel better, I probably would have, if they weren't Canadian.)
Question: Because you're from the "great" fucking America you think you can slam every other fucking country and sit all fat and cozy in your American recliner drinking the PISS you pass of as beer watching your fucking shitty American movies and do Canada-Bashing?
Answer: Because you're from the "great" fucking Canada you think you can slam every other fucking country's "pissy" beer and sit all cozy on your Canadian recliner, giving a Moose Head while typing hostile emails to a guy because he makes a few JOKES, not about Canada, but about their MOVIES? How many times have I made fun of America on this page? If you count Texas as part of the country, I'd say 20% of my updates poke fun of the good 'ol US of A, in one way, or another. Yet, I haven't heard you (or the other 13 Canadians that wrote in to complain about my Canadian film comments) bitching and moaning about my "America-Bashing." As a matter of fact, the summer movie preview update that offended you so severely slams America, and American movies, quite a few times. I also make a comment about dumb American entertainment that leads into a little snippet that basically, if taken literally, says Americans are illiterate. Guess what? I didn't receive a single piece of mail from an American criticizing my jabs at their country. Sure, most Americans can't write, but I think they're making leaps and bounds in affordable voice recognition programs, and I'm sure some Americans, no matter how uneducated and lazy, can figure out how to talk into a microphone and then press "send." Actually, I think you can even say something like "send mail now" and the thing will send out the letter for you. When one of these programs are in every American household (and they most surely will be, being that us Americans are so rich and spoiled, and all), The Juicy Cerebellum will probably get five times the mail it receives now, being that so many typical "dumb" Americans who didn't know what the letters s e n d meant will be writing in.
Question: I thin you were finding an excuse to bash Canada. Are you man enough to apologize to your Canadian readers and remove the offended material?
Answer: Wow, I didn't know I had become controversial enough to offend my own material, and I'm glad you're "thin." Probably because you don't eat that American diet of fast food, steak and cheese balls. But, seriously (I've always wanted to say that), if I started removing all of the updates that people asked me to (Texas updates, "Tex" updates, Mormon updates, Anti-Catholic League, MAPS, GeoShitties, McSpider, the list goes on and on) this page would be about as small and useless as the Canadian military.
All this over a MOVIE. Those Molson ads they've been playing up there have really gotten to you guys. Get Over It.
Go get JUICY!