A Juicy Conversation With The Lord
By: Alex Sandell

The Juicy Cerebellum: Thanks for showing up.
God: No problem. I'm sorry about standing you up for the last interview, but things got really wild between Zeus and I.

The Juicy Cerebellum: Uh, I thought Zeus was fake?
God: Hey, he's just as real as me.

The Juicy Cerebellum: I 'spose I should tell you, right off the bat, that The Juicy Cerebellum isn't the most wholesome site around.
God: Look, I'm the guy that invented the rectum, you think I can't handle it?

The Juicy Cerebellum: Well, I thought sex was a sin?
God: It is, but taking a dump, isn't making love.

The Juicy Cerebellum: But you invented sex, too.
God: No, I invented reproduction, you mortals are the ones that turned it into a billion-dollar industry.

The Juicy Cerebellum: Since it's a sin, why did you make sex feel so good?
God: I was drunk.

The Juicy Cerebellum: Drunk?!?
God: Trashed, actually.

The Juicy Cerebellum: You drink?
God: I used to, back when I was the only thing in existence. I Got kinda bored of myself, so I invented alcohol. Then I went through all the other drugs, and when the fun wore off, I started inventing planets, and stuff . . . but not before inventing "12 steps."

The Juicy Cerebellum: Wow, God was a Junkie.
God: I don't know why that surprises you, so much. Where do you think baboon's came from?

The Juicy Cerebellum: You were drunk?
God: Oh, yeah. That's actually the reason I stopped drinking. I woke up with a hell of a hangover, and this weird, ape-thing, with this gigantic, swollen butt, sticking in my face.

The Juicy Cerebellum: Why don't you just fix it?
God: It's fun to watch you mortals blushing, when you're at the zoo. It reminds each of you that you have butts of your own. That's priceless.

The Juicy Cerebellum: Um, since you're here, I can't help but ask, am I ever gonna make it as a writer?
God: No. You're one of my special people. You're not gonna make it as anything. Well, one day you might make it out of the basement, but that's about the farthest you'll go.

The Juicy Cerebellum: I'll get my just rewards, in Heaven?
God: Actually, no.

The Juicy Cerebellum: I'm going to Hell?!?
God: You'll probably just die. I invented Hell for the Republicans . . . and citizens of France (maybe a couple folks from Sweden, too).

The Juicy Cerebellum: What about all those evil people featured in the EX-files?
God: I hate a liar, as much as the next person. Lying and cheating to a loved one is terrible. I'm thinking about adding on an addition, to house people like that. It's just that Hell is too good for them. i think i'll create a whole new sub-level of pain and misery.

The Juicy Cerebellum: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.

The Juicy Cerebellum: Instead of making evil people, and Hell, why didn't you just invent the GOOD people, and let them be born in Heaven, and just skip this whole earth/mortality thing?
God: Because, Eve ate the apple.

The Juicy Cerebellum: Why didn't you just not invent the apple, in the first place?
God: Is this interview going to take much longer? I'm really pressed for time, here.

The Juicy Cerebellum: You're avoiding the question.
God: So are you.

The Juicy Cerebellum: What question?
God: Is this interview going to take much longer?

The Juicy Cerebellum: Oh. You have to answer first, cuz I was the first to ask.
God: No, you have to answer first, cuz I'm God.

The Juicy Cerebellum: Fine - no, this interview won't take much longer.
God: Good, I'm a busy man.

The Juicy Cerebellum: So, God is a man!
God: What did you expect, a monkey?

The Juicy Cerebellum: I better not say, a feminist may be reading.
God: Feminists can read? And who said there aren't any miracles, nowadays?

the juicy cerebellum: You do know you're gonna get lots of complaints, about that one, don't you?
god: You humans are always complaining. my worst mistake was vocal chords. Now, I really have to fly. Jesus is in a fight with Hercules, again.

The Juicy Cerebellum: Wait! Aren't you going to answer the question?
God: No time. I'll get back to you in the 23rd century. Oh, gee - you'll be dead. Tough break. See ya.

All writing on this page is 1997 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Before you get tempted to steal it, I'd remember - I'm in good with God, now.

You know the routine, just click it.

You may be wondering, "why is there a picture of the devil on the page where you interview the Lord?" Well, that's a good question.

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