As much as we want to deny it, most of us "youthful"-type people are going to get old. As much as they hate to admit it, most of those "elderly"-type people already are.

So, here it is, for your viewing pleasure; the great rotating-debate . . .

"Young Versus Old"
Written by: Alex Sandell

Young . . .
You get so excited you "just about" shit in your pants.

Old . . .
You yell at excited youth with a pile of shit in your pants.

Old . . .
You remember where you were when JFK was shot.

Young . . .
You remember where you sat at "Star Wars: Special Edition."

Old . . .
You know a lot of dead people.

Young . . .
You know a lot of people that you wish were dead.

Young . . .
You get horny at the drop of a dime.

Old . . .
You remember when a dime was actually worth something.

Old . . .
You're grumpy and intolerant when anyone questions the way that you live, and are closed to any new ideas.

Young . . .
You're exactly the same.

Young . . .
Get your first place together, as a couple.

Old . . .
Pick out matching gravestones.

Young . . .
You take drugs and pass out.

Old . . .
You stand up and pass out, while trying to get to your drugs.

Old . . .
You can't understand the "crazy" youth.

Young . . .
You can't either.

Young . . .
Think that you'll live forever.

Old . . .
Keep wishing that you were dead.

Old . . .
You feel left out and alone, in a world that doesn't understand you.

Young . . .
You feel left out and alone, in a world that you don't understand.

Young (male). . .
You find yourself becoming attracted to beautiful breasts.

Old (male). . .
You find yourself attracted to anyone with more than one breast attached.

Young (female). . .
You get sick of your partner asking for constant sex.

Old (female). . .
You get sick of constantly asking your partner for sex.

Old . . .
You consider "The Juicy Cerebellum" website to be a bunch of raunchy "toilet-humor," and think it should be banned.

Young . . .
You consider "The Juicy Cerebellum" website to be a bunch of raunchy "toilet-humor," and call yourself a fan.

So there you have it. Now, all that's left to do is sit around and get old. If you're already old, I guess you could always play Scrabble. Oh well, I'm gonna go age now . . .

©Copyright 1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Copy this without permission, and some old person will drool on you.

You know the routine, just click it, if your fingers are nimble enough.