[Ugly Egg Auction]

Face it . . . your genetics SUCK!  Why keep all those rotten personality traits you have going when you could have something so much more, for only a few (hundred) thousand dollars?   Just pick a chick, and get to reproducing!  Genetic engineering is in!!!

Rhonda - 58 years old.  SWF.  217 pounds.  Five feet tall (was 5'4, but apparently began shrinking with age).  Just went through menopause, but saved "a couple."  Rhonda enjoys reading books, watching TV and being by herself.   She has made a career out of being an aspiring writer, and a living off of delivering pizza for the "Circus Pizza" chain.  Rhonda has also worked as a cashier at Kentucky Friend Chicken and was a volunteer fireman before finding out she had a vagina.  Minimum Bid:  $20,000.00 

Debbie - 20 years old.  SWPF.  233 pounds (with child).  232 pounds (without).   Five foot three.  Debbie just got knocked up, so these eggs are going to go for quite a fortune, being that they are the last ones she can donate for at least nine months.  Debbie enjoys sex with "any guy" she can get, "partying" with her friend and "flying solo" at the bar.  Debbie is unemployed and lives in her parent's basement.  Her parents plan on adopting her kid, if she doesn't abort it, which she is thinking about, as a way to get revenge on her "bastard" ex, if he doesn't pay her back for the VCR he "borrowed."  Minimum Bid:   $100,000 (these eggs are limited folks!)

Ann - 18 years old.  SWF.  85 pounds.  Five foot five.  Ann enjoys eating out, dining in, and vomiting frequently.  "Bulimia is just totally like, it!" Ann, a huge fan of "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer", declares.  Ann's IQ is extremely high, despite her apparent lack of common sense.  She got straight A's throughout high school, and was just accepted by Yale this fall.  She might skip it, though, because one of her classes will conflict with the season finale of Buffy.  Minimum Bid:   $30,000.00 (this a great deal for Yale babies!)

Jason - 25 years old.  DWM.  300 pounds.  Six foot three.  3 inch thick glasses.  Jason is a computer programmer.  Jason has worked for top companies such as Microsoft, Amazon and Yahoo.   She is currently employed by GeoCities and is earning nearly one million dollars a year!  Jason is also a male, but claims "she" has found a way to extract eggs from "her" anus.  Minimum Bid:  $50,000 (this kid is gonna be RICH.  Or a nerd.  Possibly a rich nerd with a fertile anus!!!)

Sara - 33 years old.  SWF.  150 pounds.  Five foot eight.  Sara is a lesbian who hasn't actually done anything lesbian "yet," but plans on it as soon as she gets her braces off.  She currently works as a librarian and gets "really pissed" when people forget to return their books.  "It's a federal crime!" she screams, "I'd like to cut their dicks off!"  Minimum Bid:   $100.00

To bid, simply send an email to alex@juicycerebellum.com  Special requests ARE accepted.  None of the above donors' eggs were taken against their will in a drunken struggle, but it could be arranged. 

1999 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  People who use copyrighted material without permission are obviously 700 pound Single White Bastards, and will be taken for all they're worth, in court.