God Bless America
(and then let us buy some more)
Written by: Alex Sandell

Ah, America - sweet land of over-consumption. Home of three square meals a day. Plus a bag of Doritos, Slim-Fast Shake, bottle of Gatorade, six-pack of beer and game of golf. And there's no one around to tell us when we're below our par.

A Mall of America for every state. Theme-parks in every one. Thousands of stores to shop at. And no one to catch your kid when he decides to jump off of the water-ride.

Roadways paved in gold, if you like your money funny. Thirty-thousand-dollar cars. Traffic jams. Tailriders. Four Way Stops. High Blood Pressure. And no one has a magic patch for the Ozone Layer.

Miracle cures for everything! Only five thousand dollars per month! Viagra to get your dick hard. Fertility pills for your girlfriend to put it to good use. Prozac to make you chipper. Lithium to bring you down. And no one has a real sense of family, just a medicated haze of nothingness appearing "good enough."

Two-billion tubes of lipstick. A billion false fingernails. Ten-million memberships at a gym. Thirty-million liposuctions done! Twenty-billion ways to look better than you really are. And no one is there to help shut the lids of the test animal with hairspray in his eye.

God Bless America, because we came we conquered we consume. God Bless America, because we ate more Big Mac's than anyone last year. God Bless America, because we drive the fastest cars. God Bless America, because our doctors make fortunes off the ill. God Bless America, because its Postal employees are so good at stealing mail. God Bless America, because we have the biggest discrepancy between the rich and poor. God Bless America, for closing down our factories and moving them to Mexico. God Bless America, for Target and Wal-Mart and Sears. God Bless America, for the grocery stores full of excess food, and the starving homeless in the street. God Bless America, for its lack of public transportation. God Bless America, for keeping the public eye on its horny president, instead of showing us the news. God Bless America, because no one is gonna do it for us.

1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Don't copy this without my permission. I'm warning you - I'm an American!

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