Letters to the Webmaster:
The "be more like this" edition
10/21/99
Dear Webmaster-
I thought "I Used To" was one of the best
updates on your page. I just hope that all your updates aren't going to
start being depressing now because I like the funny stuff better even though I
like "I Used To" better.
-Julie Chesser
Julie: You're an idiot.
Dear Webmaster-
Thanks for the "I used to" poem. It was
the best thing on The Juicy Cerebellum. I like it when you do the
serious articles because they are more heartfelt and sometimes your comedic
material seems forced.
-Mark Sender
Dear Webmaster-
Your page sucks now. I've watched it slowly turn into shit. I've given up on
giving you any more chances to make it like it used to be when I started reading it.
-Irby Villalobos
Irby: Your name is fucking stupid. Ironic.
Dear Webmaster-
I noticed you put your "Wanna-be heroes" article
in the "Corporate Bashing" section of the
table of brains. I think it was cool to finally see something new in
the corp. bashing section but we need MORE. MORE MORE MORE! Tear
those corporations in two!!! I thought when you wrote that sappy love update about the girl from
California that you had finally lost it. The heroes update proves you
haven't lost anything and you've still got your edge, now keep using it!
-X
X: I'd like to, but I'm too busy picking flowers for my honey and whispering sweet nothings about my undying love for Wal-Mart and McDonald's into her ear.
Dear Webmaster-
You never update your poetry section anymore. I
think you're a genius poet who writes the best poems I've ever read. I
miss reading your poems. Do you still write them? If you do,
could you put some up?
-Joanne Denny
Joanne: I dunno, it might upset X.
Dear Webmaster-
Your page is better than ever!!!!!!!! I loved the "All
I Ever Really Wanted to Know About Sex I Learned in Kindergarten"
update and your
movie reviews are the best that there is (better than
Ebert even)!!!!!!!!!!!! Now that I've buttered you up I need to ask
whatever happened to the More On Movies daily update?
That was hilarious and great for people who love movies. Are you bringing
it back?
-Rob
Dear Webmaster-
Make fun of Texas more, like you used to.
-Steve Harris
Dear Webmaster-
What happened to to the Horoscopes?
-anonymous
Dear Webmaster-
What a fucking rip! I read all of "Dead Dogs Don't Roll Over"
and just when I'm getting crazy to see how it ends you never continue it.
Finish "Dead Dogs" or I'll stop recommending your page to friends!
-Debbie Kraus
Dear Webmaster-
I love your letters to the webmaster stuff and noticed you haven't done one since March.
It's funny as shit how mean you are to some of the people who write in and to see
what a smart ass you can be. Is another one coming?
-Shelly
Shelly: Not a fucking chance.
Hey! Reading other people's mail makes me feel all dirty inside, and I kinda like it. Send me to The Ultimate Letter Archive!
Wanna write to Alex? Got something important to say (or something completely stupid)? Send email to: alex@juicycerebellum.com
One time I got a blowjob and I came in the girl's mouth and she swallowed it and then she drank cream soda to get rid of the taste.
Back to the table of brains