Letters to the Webmaster:
The "be more like this" edition
I thought "I Used To" was one of the best updates on your page. I just hope that all your updates aren't going to start being depressing now because I like the funny stuff better even though I like "I Used To" better.
Julie: You're an idiot.
Thanks for the "I used to" poem. It was the best thing on The Juicy Cerebellum. I like it when you do the serious articles because they are more heartfelt and sometimes your comedic material seems forced.
Your page sucks now. I've watched it slowly turn into shit. I've given up on giving you any more chances to make it like it used to be when I started reading it.
Irby: Your name is fucking stupid. Ironic.
I noticed you put your "Wanna-be heroes" article in the "Corporate Bashing" section of the table of brains. I think it was cool to finally see something new in the corp. bashing section but we need MORE. MORE MORE MORE! Tear those corporations in two!!! I thought when you wrote that sappy love update about the girl from California that you had finally lost it. The heroes update proves you haven't lost anything and you've still got your edge, now keep using it!
X: I'd like to, but I'm too busy picking flowers for my honey and whispering sweet nothings about my undying love for Wal-Mart and McDonald's into her ear.
You never update your poetry section anymore. I think you're a genius poet who writes the best poems I've ever read. I miss reading your poems. Do you still write them? If you do, could you put some up?
Joanne: I dunno, it might upset X.
Your page is better than ever!!!!!!!! I loved the "All I Ever Really Wanted to Know About Sex I Learned in Kindergarten" update and your movie reviews are the best that there is (better than Ebert even)!!!!!!!!!!!! Now that I've buttered you up I need to ask whatever happened to the More On Movies daily update? That was hilarious and great for people who love movies. Are you bringing it back?
Make fun of Texas more, like you used to.
What happened to to the Horoscopes?
What a fucking rip! I read all of "Dead Dogs Don't Roll Over" and just when I'm getting crazy to see how it ends you never continue it. Finish "Dead Dogs" or I'll stop recommending your page to friends!
I love your letters to the webmaster stuff and noticed you haven't done one since March. It's funny as shit how mean you are to some of the people who write in and to see what a smart ass you can be. Is another one coming?
Shelly: Not a fucking chance.
Hey! Reading other people's mail makes me feel all dirty inside, and I kinda like it. Send me to The Ultimate Letter Archive!
Wanna write to Alex? Got something important to say (or something completely stupid)? Send email to: email@example.com
Back to the table of brains
Back to the mind-map.
One time I got a blowjob and I came in the girl's mouth and she swallowed it and then she drank cream soda to get rid of the taste.