email04.gif (25189 bytes) "MAPS RBL:  Making an ass
of themselves since the nineties!"

Letters to the Webmaster:
The MAPS Edition
1/22/00

As I reported to you a few days ago, in my "The Day I Was Blacklisted" update (if you haven't already, make sure you read that update before checking out these letters), there is a man named Al Iverson, and a fascist anti-spam group named MAPS, which he works for, who are lying to, and harassing me, my ISP, and now, my readers.  

After I began getting forwarded email after email from Juicy Cerebellum readers, full of LIES that Al Iverson and the MAPS group were (and I'm sure, still are) telling about me, I broke down and decided to give Iverson and MAPS what they wanted; a guarantee that I would never SPAM Al with my newsletter again (keep in mind that I had NEVER spammed him in the first place, and that he DID subscribe to my newsletter, just like everyone else), and a truce.  Not too surprisingly, my truce (you can read the truce that I sent out by clicking here) was completely ignored by Al, and the rest of the MAPS gang, who are obviously having too much fun chipping away at America's First Amendment rights, and slandering my name with all of the libelous trash they spout out to anyone willing to listen. 

I guess MAPS likes to play dirty.  That's probably for the best, because I've got a lot of emails from people who wouldn't mind playing dirty with MAPS for what they're trying to do to this site.  These are only a small portion of the letters that I received (The Juicy Cerebellum has never gotten this many emails over a single update, before); I would have put a few in for the other side, but, other than some asinine babble sent in from Al's supposed "girlfriend," I never received any.  It's nice to see the vast majority of people can still look at a piece of shit without deluding themselves into believing that it's a flower.  

Dear Webmaster-
Immature, destructive people always seem to be in positions of power. The Juicy Cerebellum's existence has been threatened many times before, and each time you were strong enough to fight the assholes.  The Juicy Cerebellum is an incredible collection of writing, and I think that it's affected a lot of people, whether it's changed their views, or helped them feel like they're not so fucked up after all.  I know it's done both for me. One thing I've learned from you is that strength isn't just how much shit you can endure, it's how much you refuse to tolerate.  You can't let them take away the rights that are guaranteed to you!  What I really don't understand is why everyone but you is so intimidated by all this! 
-Beth

Because a lot of people don't have their priorities straight.  If Internet Service Provider's keep backing down to MAPS' intimidation tactics, the entire Internet will be controlled by these tyrants.  The ISP's are thinking with their wallets, not with their heads . . . or hearts.  They're forgetting all that's important in a democracy, and aren't realizing that they'll lose more ten years from now, if they give in, than they will now, if they stand their ground. The MAPS group is only as powerful as people allow it to be. 

Dear Webmaster -
Sounds like old Al gives Nazis a bad name. I thought I was pissed last night after reading your newsletter...but I am in a total RAGE right now! Doesn't Al have anything better to do besides carry out an idiotic vendetta against you? This man needs to get a life...it's beyond hope that he will get laid by a human and release some tension.  What the HELL are these people doing? Are they so fucking lame that they have to hound you this hard? How can this all be happening? Just from one lunatic and his idiotic friends? This is a fucking nightmare.

Is there ANY way I can help? Anyone to appeal to? I can't stand the thought of The Juicy Cerebellum going down because of these losers. Your talent deserves to reach those of us who care. I look forward to each update eagerly...I can't believe I may never read your work again! 

I NEVER believed you spammed anyone. And I NEVER will, despite the lies that the filth are spreading. Please, stay strong and don't let these bastards get you down...
-Ann

Dear Webmaster-
I can't believe this.  This has got to be one of the darkest days in internet history.
-Adam

Dear Webmaster-
I wonder what MAPS will think when there's 5000 Juicy Cerebellum fans hiding outside of their building waiting to get revenge on the computer nerds who took down their favorite site?
-Rich

They'll think the same thing they always do, whenever they have to leave their computers:  "Real world is scary.  Must get back to modem."

Dear Webmaster-
Please add me to your new newsletter as soon as you can. I've always appreciated your up front attitude and pro-freedom of speech views. I don't think there's anything in this world that gets me more upset then when some
pencil dick like Al Iverson tries to take the voice from someone actually worth listening to.. and for what benefit? If everyone was such a prick as he seems to be, all we'd have are a bunch of Al Iverson sheep fucking sites and newsgroups, oh yeah, and I suppose a few nerdy Unix sites too, what fun. Cya later alex, good luck in your battle with this dipshit.
-David R.

Dear Webmaster-
I went on the maps website, and they have all these guidelines towards spammers, which they supposedly check. i asked the person whose email address is on there a few questions, but he just gave vague answers.  i'm really sorry about your website, it's my favorite on the web and i visit it daily.  if it really does go kaput it'll be awful.  i always really enjoyed your articles and your movie reviews are great.
-Frooples

Everything MAPS does is "vague."  They're leeches sucking off of those of us who want to enjoy the Internet, and all that it has to offer.  They can't really explain why, other than they "hate SPAM."  Well, I never spammed anyone, so why are they attacking me?  If you talk to MAPS, don't expect much more than intimidation and lies.  They've accused me, to Juicy Cerebellum readers who took the time to write to them, of being a "nut-job."  They've made up defamatory stories about me, and, with their refusal to even respond to my truce, they don't seem very eager to stop.  If thousands of angry people don't put the fear of God into them, I wonder what a few years in prison will do?  Can't wait to find out.

Dear Webmaster-
CAN I KILL HIM FOR YOU?  PLEASE?  THEN HE'LL SEE HOW MUCH FUN IT IS TO HAVE HIS RIGHTS VIOLATED!  
-David

Dear Webmaster-
To say that I was outraged at what had been happening lately with you and your website is a rather polite understatement.  I will be writing to MAPS in support of you when I am not at work and have managed to compose something more professional and logical.  I will also be directing friends to your site and encouraging them to write to MAPS as well. I am stunned that such an aggressive campaign has been launched against your site.  I hope that you are not forced to discontinue it.
-Cameron

Writing to MAPS does nothing.  They just write back and tell you Al's great, I'm nutty, they're the masters of the Universe.  So, what CAN you do?  Write to your Senators, Congressmen, Legislators!  Trust me, if enough people WRITE, MAPS will no longer be able to take away their RIGHT to!

Dear Webmaster-
I've loved "The Juicy Cerebellum" ever since I read the first update.  (The first one I read, that is.  I didn't find you until about a year ago.)  I've turned a lot of friends on to it, as well.  I don't know how often you've been told this, but you've done a great thing.  It sucks major redneck donkey dick that it might get torn down for NOTHING!!!  We'll miss you (if the worst happens), Alex!!!! I'd just like you to know that you've given me hours upon hours of entertainment (not to mention a lot of things to think about).  And I'm sorry that the only thing I can give back is my support.  You've got that for sure, though. Stay strong.  I know you will.  Even if the narrow-minded pricks get their way, you'll have your integrity.  You've got a legion of juicy fans, and they can't take US away!!!
-Marie

Dear Webmaster-
As a webmaster, I find your whole situation scary... glad you're not giving up.
-Brian

I would never give up.  The MAPS group is out of control, and needs to see that not everyone is afraid of them.  As a matter of fact, I'd be laughing my ass off at them, right now, if it didn't make me so sad to see how rapidly humans can deteriorate into fanatic devotee's of self-centered, unworthy causes.

Dear Webmaster-
Is there anything we can do? Nuke their hometowns? Sue em? I don't suppose you have a lawyer, do you?  Do you make enough money from the site that you can sue them for falsely endangering your livelihood?  This is a load of bullshit, and you know that all of your regular readers will vouch for you, hell I'll go to court for you. I've been reading your site for over a year now, I spent hours at my last job (almost got fired) reading that messed up story about the rotting dog and the casino.  I base almost all of my movie choices on this site (I loved the Iron Giant and took 4 people with me to it who also loved it). I'm gonna see what I can do, my brother is a lawyer and I'm going to talk to him tonight. I say again, this is a load of bullshit. Keep your head up
-Will

Dear Webmaster-
This is nuts!  I can't believe that this can happen to you, I'm absolutely horrified.  Isn't there anyone that can take your case? You can call me collect if you need to, by the way, if you can't get email out...
-Issy

If you haven't subscribed to the NEW mailing-list, do so NOW!  Don't wait, this page really could go down, if MAPS has anything to do with it.  If it does, you will have no way of knowing how to find it when it goes back UP (and trust me, "up," it will go), unless I can send you an email.  To sign up for the new newsletter, simply send an email to alex@juicycerebellum.com and another to mattben@cpinternet.com (just in case) stating, "hey, Al Iverson's a Nazi!"

Dear Webmaster-
Don't let the fuckers get you down, Alex.  Please add me to your newsletter, and even if you get shut down, I sure hope you can find a way to stay up.
-Will

If they strike the page down, it will only make it that much stronger.  The Juicy Cerebellum is like the Ben Kenobi of the cyber world; the Force is with it.   

Dear Webmaster-
ANYTHING ME AND THE REST OF THE JUICY HORDES CAN DO TO DERAIL THIS MENACE, BE SURE TO LET US KNOW.  IF YOUR SITE GETS SHUT DOWN, THAT WOULD MORE THAN SUCK.  I JUST DON'T HAVE A WORD FOR HOW MUCH THAT WOULD SUCK.
-Ferry


Would "suck" do?  Write your Senators, Congressmen, Legislators!  Write to TV stations and newspapers!  I can't stress this enough.  The MAPS group has NO control in the "real" world, only out here in cyber-space.  The REAL world is their nemesis.  It can, and WILL, shut them down.  It all starts with you.   

Dear Webmaster-
FUCK AL IVERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Dave

I sure wish somebody would.  Maybe then he'd stop being so damn anal, and would finally get off of my back.  

Dear Webmaster-
Your site rocks and I'd hate to never hear about the monstrosities preformed against you and your ideals! I think if you give out the e-mail address of the arrogant asshole who is obviously a ass-raped prison bitch, we (your loyal fans) can all mail him at a certain time! That will screw over his ass backwards plans!
-Aceman

Do you want the "Iverson" experience?  Send yourself a really nice email showing what a great guy you are, make sure it's convincing.  Then, after you've extracted the information you want to USE, ignore yourself and run around the 'net flaunting your "power," while treating everyone like shit.  Oh yes, make sure you're really dorky looking.  I'd provide a picture that one of Al's gang planted on me, but they'd try and get me for copyright infringement.

Dear Webmaster-
Al Iverson's a Nazi!!!  And an ugly one at that!!!
-Danny

Ugly doesn't begin to describe it.  And I'm talking about more than just his looks.

Dear Webmaster-
Your site seems to be a fun diversion...I just found it...and I despise it when people try to take away my new toys.  I wasn't sure I really liked the site and had hardly read anything from it when I read your latest article.  People like Al Iverson are the moral equivalents of child-molesters, politicians and loan-sharks.  I cannot stomach the suppression of Free Speech.
-Dark Horse

You know, you REALLY insulted child-molesters, politicians and loan-sharks up there.

Dear Webmaster-
al iverson is a nazi, and i just lost a little more faith in humanity...fight back, live free...
-andrew.

Dear Webmaster-
I really think as a positive minded person that Al Iverson would be a really nice guy - when he is buried 6" in the ground... hopefully buttside up so we could use his ass as bicycle holder...
-Antti

Dear Webmaster-
I can't believe this half-assed MAPS group is so successful in their little con-job.  They sound to me like a bunch of AOL'ers who get annoyed by getting "You got Mail" messages just as their MUD wizard is about to sleep with the fairy elf queen.  Too bad about your site.  Hopefully I'll be able to keep with me the memories of one of the few truly great and original things on the web.  I hope you find someway back onto the 'net, even if it's in a completely different form.
-Midwest

I've been thinking about that, Midwest, and if The Juicy Cerebellum gets knocked off the web, I am going to come back so strong, and so hard, MAPS won't know what hit them until their Dungeons and Dragons screensavers awaken them from their confused daze.

Dear Webmaster-
Fight the power man, and sign me up for your news letter cause al iverson is a nazi.  Talking to MAPS is like talking to a brick wall, i hope your fight goes well, but i really dont want to deal with these idiots anymore, hopefully you can get some publicity about this somewhere else, might want to try to get a internet rights type group on your side.  i dont have too much time i can really spend on this but i hope ive helped if only a little
-Alex

Note:  This "Alex" is not me, he just has the same name.  I don't write my own letters for my letters' page.  That's something Al Iverson would do.

Dear Webmaster-
If they take away the Juicy Cerebellum, I am going to be seriously pissed off.. that's the only webpage I go to regularly, and it kicks ass. Is there any way I could say.. blow the morons up, or something? Fucking species. Making fun of your epilepsy.. that's just great. You should file suit.. of course that's pretty costly.. hmph. This whole thing is so stupid I can hardly believe it!!! These people are evil satanic demons from the fiery pits of hell. I know.... you should tip off the Catholic League as to the presence of Satan on earth!  This whole thing really really sucks and if there's anything I can do let me know. The power will never win as long as there are people like you around.. they can take down the page but I'll never forget what it was all about.
-Jan

I'm going to say it one final time, just in case anyone missed it:  THEY HAVE NO POWER IN THE REAL WORLD.  NONE.  These people are little children playing "tough" behind the safety of their monitors.  Write to your Senators, Congressmen and Legislators.  The press LOVES a good story about someone violating the law, and an individual's rights to Freedom of Speech.  Trust me, if you yell loud enough, people will listen.  MAPS . . . you're about to be "blackholed." 

ALL TEXT WRITTEN BY ALEX SANDELL (EVERYTHING BUT THE LETTERS) IS 2000 ALEX SANDELL [ALL RIGHTS RESERVED].  YOU MAY NOT QUOTE, COPY OR USE ANY OF IT, IN ANY FORM, WITHOUT EXPRESS PERMISSION FROM ALEX SANDELL.  THAT GOES FOR YOU, TOO, IVERSON!

Hey! Reading other people's mail makes me feel all dirty inside, and I kinda like it. Send me to The Ultimate Letter Archive!

Wanna write to Alex?  Got something important to say (or something completely stupid)? Send email to: alex@juicycerebellum.com

Back to the table of brains

Back to the mind-map.


One time Al ended his virginity, but then he realized that he was only dreaming.