The Bitch Board forum! Have you been screwed? Bitch about it! Get it off your chest! Let the world know!

Last updated 11/17/05 2:13 AM CST

Welcome to The Bitch Board! This is an idea I came up with for The Juicy Cerebellum when someone wrote in telling me that all I do on the page is "bitch all the time" and that I should bitch less and write more "funny stuff" like in the "old days." I thought the fact that this person was bitching while telling me not to bitch was incredibly ironic, decided to add his bitch to the page, and The Bitch Board was born! When anything -- and I do mean anything -- is bothering you, you can email it in to the board and I'll put it online for the world to see. The most recent bitch will always be at the top. (Boring technical and legal stuff: All bitches become the property of Alex Sandell and The Juicy Cerebellum. Bitches may be edited/altered for space and/or content. You can bitch about that if you want to.)

NOTE: My email address changed and all "bitches" sent in over the past 4 years were LOST (meaning that all but the most recent bitches are pretty dated, but many of the "bitchers" were proven right over the last half decade). If you sent in a bitch, feel free to send it again (I know a LOT of bitches have been sent in, being that I've already received 6 in the 48 hours since I changed the contact info. to the correct email address). And go ahead and bitch at me for not updating the address on this page.

November 17th, 2005 2:13 AM CST
Celibate Bitch

Ok first WTF! this is in response to the slutty bitch bitch. Second let me say that I am a guy not a girl but I have this to say. I am just sensing a hater here. I have a major problem with people who are jealous of all the "action" others get and have to keep track of others business. I mean lets face it if a guy gets a lot of action he is a stud if a woman gets a lot she is a whore. That is because close-minded people can't get it in their heads that "time's be a changin." I would be the male version of the chick the bitcher is bitching about. I have had several fiancées and hook up frequently and just because a person likes sex but can't seem to find the person that is right for them should they just be celibate? The answer is Hell NO ladies and gentlemen!!!!!!!!!! I say be proud of being a slut, ho, or whatever you are. As I am!
-This bitch bitched by Larry

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November 15th, 2005 4:03 AM CST
Stinky Menstrual Blood Bitch

I wish God had come up with a better way of letting women reproduce than to give us menstrual cycles. I think it's totally unfair that I have to spend roughly two months out of every year for damn near forty years mopping stinky blood out of my vagina and the only way I can stop it is to have a kid or get old. What a rotten system; God MUST be a man.
-This bitch bitched by Keelah-Rose

If God was a man, He would have placed the male reproductive organs inside our bodies, where crabby women couldn't kick them while PMS-ing.

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November 13th, 2005 3:33 PM CST
800 Disc Bitch

I hate that television shows that have ALREADY been released season-by-season on DVD are so often released in some monster 800-disc extravaganza that costs the earth and half the moon and has all kinds of extras I didn't get the first time I bought the damn show. Hello, I already spent $200+ buying your show by the season! Why are you DOING this to me? Do you hate ALL your fans or just me personally? Why didn't you release the show this way the first damn time, or at least WARN us that this would happen? Grrrrrrrrrr . . ..

I also want to bitch about your web page font! Chiller?? WTF? I can't read that shit!
-This bitch bitched by Keelah-Rose

When I started this bitchboard, I was all obsessed with the wonderful world of fonts. I was splashing everything from the Buffy font (can I assume the "800-disc extravaganza" you're bitching about is Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Seasons 1-7?), to the Chiller font to the Zebra font (which was impossible to read, being that half the text was white and the other black). Okay, I made up the "Zebra font." I've deleted all those fonts from the computer, and I read this entire board in the generic "Times New Roman" font, now. It's font-licious!

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October 28th, 2005 10:15 AM CST
Special Edition Bitch

What's up with Special Edition DVD's? Fuckin' shit. Every time I buy a new movie, 6 months later a 'better' version comes out. Do it right the first fucking time Hollywood! I'm sick of buying movies twice only to find out the special edition isn't even that special. Ooooooo, cast commentaries. Get fucked.
-This bitch bitched by Jono

Alex seconds this bitch! I'm hurting for cash and can't really afford to buy any DVDs right now, but I still sacrificed a few days of eating to pay the $19.48 for the Titanic "Special Collector's Edition." By "Special Collector's" does Paramount mean "God's Special Children Who Won't Notice They Were Just Ripped Off Collector's Edition"? After nearly a decade of putting up with a bare-bones DVD, this "special" collector's edition was as rewarding as a rock shoved up my ass and kept in place with a cork. Yes, the picture and sound are both excellent, but why don't Americans and Canadians get the fourth disc of special-features that every other country gets? Why was the 3 hour retrospective documentary scrapped, even though it was already filmed? With over 2 hours of interviews with each individual cast member, why do we see no more than 2 or 3 minutes? After zooming through the extras in about 3 hours (as much time as the retrospective doc. that was cut at the last minute), I realized I had been screwed by Paramount, yet again. This may be the "Special" Collector's Edition, but Paramount has much more up its sleeve for the "Ultimate" Collector's Edition they plan to release on Blu-Ray and/or HD-DVD in a few years. Bastards. Celine Dion's heart may go on and on, but Alex Sandell's wallet sure the hell won't.

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October 28th, 2005 8:14 AM CST
Million Dollar Bitch

If I see a patient, I submit any charges for the visit to their insurance company. The insurance company pays some or most of the bill depending on the type of policy the individual has, and the individual pays the rest. The problem (for me) is that the insurance company will set an "allowable amount" for whatever the charge is. This means that I could theoretically charge 1 million dollars for a 10min office visit but the insurance company only allows $31.00, so I have to write off the remainder of the charge. Congress sets the reimbursement rate for all Medicare charges and private insurances base their reimbursement rates off the Medicare fee schedule.

Unlike the cost of living, Medicare reimbursements have been flat to decreasing over the last 15 years or so. If I want to participate with insurance companies (and get paid), I have to accept their reimbursement rates as they are - there is no way I can negotiate a higher rate of pay, and if I choose to charge more for my services, the extra gets denied by insurance and I have to write that all off.

All costs associated with doing business go up over time. My malpractice costs have gone up 75% in the last 5 years, and that's pretty good compared to most specialties. So there is an ongoing and progressively worsening squeeze play for physicians where income has stayed the same for years and costs keep rising. With these circumstances, the only traditional way to keep up with rising costs would be to work more hours.

Going back to insurance and office billing, there is another point I wanted to make. In an ironic twist, the patients that can afford to pay the least are billed the most for their care. If someone goes to a hospital and has no insurance, they are charged the full rate for their care. Insured patients have the protection of their insurance company, which sets a maximum
allowable limit for all charges and forces the hospital (or doctor) to write off the remainder. The uninsured are typically charged full price. Many individual or independent physicians provide reduced rates or free care for those that are truly indigent, but oftentimes the working middle class are saddled with higher premiums for medical care to the benefit of their
insured brethren.
-This bitch bitched by Dr. Anonymous

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October 27th, 2005 11:48 AM CST
Slutty Bitch Bitch

boy oh boy do I have a Bitch and I aim this one squarely at whores, sluts and otherwise useless human waste that loves to sleep around and play with people's heart. I'd like to know where the fuck you get off going around and thinking that your actions have absolutely no consequence and you expect us to feel sorry for you when the guy says "Hey your fucking
my best friend behind my back....go to the hell!" There is this one remarkably stupid bitch living here in Ontario that moves around from the next cock to the next so fast, it's hard to keep track of the "infection" as I like to call it. Let me see, being engaged 8 or more times in less than 5 years and had dozens of "confirmed" partners....there is something kinda of wrong with your head. You lady, thank god have never "infected" me but I'll say this, man I do so hope and pray to the powers above that something remarkably stupid and yet ultimately painful happens to you and all those like you. So fuck you, you fucking fuck and all those that think and look like you!
-This bitch bitched by "The Bird king of La Mancha!"

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October 27th, 2005 9:23 AM CST
Bank Card Bitch

My girlfriend washed my jeans without checking the pockets. My bank debit card was in the back pocket, and the magnetic strip on the back got messed up so that it would only work at ATM machines. I went to the bank to ask for a replacement, but they said it was gonna be 3 weeks before it came. I waited patiently for it to come. Well, it finally came, but to my dismay it was not my new debit card, but a new, shiny replacement for the maxed out Visa card I also have with that bank. So now I have to wait another few weeks for the right card to come.

Screw capitalism. Oh, and screw Bush.
-This bitch bitched by Justin Haas

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October 27th, 2005 5:56 AM CST
Box Set bitch

DVD boxsets are pissing me off! Why does the customer pay the price when the company pays for cheap plastic to case their DVD's? Whenever I buy a boxset at least 2 of the DVD's are loose and usually 1 is scratched. If you exchange it you get the same thing. If you try and exchange it again the box is soldout and you're told you can't exchange it for a different box or get your money back because it's been opened and the store can't take a return because of the digital millennium copyright act! When was this party held and why wasn't I invited? You know who the U.S. Gov. is working for when they make laws telling stores they can't take back a customer's defective item! Like you said in one of your updates it's a Gov. "for the corporations, by the corporations, of the corporations".
-This bitch belongs to Wendy Crane

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October 26th, 2005 4:28 PM CST
Heartless gunch bitch

Hey this bitch board is pretty cool. I've got a bitch about a certain cunt that's a user an abuser and I think she should have the heartless gunch award. She used me for my fuckin money and my car and then just threw me aside and told me to get lost. So if I can give out a fuck both you mother fuckers from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!
-This bitch belongs to "Cpt. Caveman"

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September 30th, 2001 4:00 PM CST
Brainwashing bitch

Fuck the media. I hate all this propaganda passed around brainwashing people. And I can't stand the people that take this crap and not do their research. How the hell does a Q'uaran and a flight video link this to bin Laden? Why do we want to blow the fuck out of a nation?
-This bitch belongs to Taeil Kim

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September 30th, 2001 4:44 AM CST
Annoying fuck bitch

If we have a war against Terrorism this year, Can we have a war against Poverty next year? Or what about a war against those annoying fucks who use public money to boost an economy heading directly for recession through warhead manufacturing? The same public money which will be used to drill oil out of Alaska and give cheaper liability overheads to the poor people who didn’t get their Presidential Campaign money back yet through tax cuts?
-This bitch belongs to Daniel Givney

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September 29th, 2001 11:04 PM CST
10,000 X 2 bitch

It's amazing how people think you hate america just because you don't want to rush into a war. I was blown away by how fast people stopped mourning and started saying "okay, let's create lake afghanistan now!!". It makes me sick, we weren't even sure yet who did this to us either. A possible number of 10,000 people were just killed, and all 90% of America can think about is how we can kill 10,000 more. I also find it funny how right now Bush has the highest President approval rating of ALL TIME. Everyone's saying what a great job he's doing handling this situation, and I have no arguments against Bush right now (I know absolutely nothing about politics right now, I'm not getting involved with that until I can vote), but I find it funny how everyone LOVES Bush all of a sudden just for saying "Yeah, we really need to kill these fuckers" and threatening to kick afghanistan's ass. Anyways, people suck.
-This bitch belongs to Rick Joyce

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September 29th, 2001 9:11 PM CST
Ear-muff wearing convict with a pig snout bitch

I got my student card a few days ago and the photo, as always, is horrible. The lighting is all fucked up. My ears cast shadows that look like black ear-muffs around my neck. And the angle at which they take the photos ensures pure nostril action, of course. I look like a fucking ear-muff wearing convict with a pig snout. I mean, wtf? You couldn't take a worse picture if you tried. I swear these people've got bad photos down to a science.
-This bitch belongs to Max Johnson

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September 29th, 2001 8:19 PM CST
Colin bitch

Why couldn't Colin Powel be our president? The foreign relations god hasn't been much of an influence lately, and I'm quite upset. I mean shit, the man is a fucking genius when it comes to foreign affairs. But wait, the idea of a black president would upset the majority of Americans. I guess it's comforting to them that we have a complete moron in office instead of someone who would know what they're doing.
-This bitch belongs to James D.

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September 29th, 2001 7:54 PM CST
Bitch bitch

OH BITCH, BITCH, BITCH!
-This bitch belongs to Tom Shirley

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September 29th, 2001 2:25 AM CST
Fat-filled penis bitch

Women have everything ever that they do easier. Stuff their knockers full of stuff and they are so sexy. Men have to cut shit and then only hope their new lengthy fat-filled penis can get it up to impress their little girl. I hate women because they have it too easy. Give me a vagina and a fake pair of booby-toobies and I'll be a happy "wo"man.
-This bitch belongs to Arron Lissp

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September 29th, 2001 12:06 AM CST
Molting tarantulas bitch

I just came home from my thrilling night out annoying Wal-Mart managers, when I saw my tarantula was (and still is) molting. This is unfortunate, because a lot of times when tarantulas molt, they end up dying. I'm pretty freaked. It's also disconcerting to see a tarantula lying on its back, as though it's sunbathing. Cross your fingers and wish me, and my eight legged friend, luck. After my cat and my dog dying, all within the last few months, I think I deserve a break from having pets keeling over on me.
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 28th, 2001 6:15 PM CST
Chest thumping bitch

Reading (Dave's bitch on) the Bitch Board today has given me the heartiest laugh I've had since before the destruction of the World Trade Center. The thought of a conservative, reactionary, White Boy foaming at the mouth about how this page is not showing tolerance toward his point of view has me in hysterics. 'Get some tolerance', 'Liberal Ignorance', You're killing me!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But seriously, Dave, if you need to soothe your damaged ego, go get your information from a pro war news station like Fox News, especially the O'Reilly Factor, He will say all the chest thumping, pro war gibber jabber that will refill the testosterone you lost pissing your pants the last two weeks. Again, Thanks Dave, I definitely needed a smile!
-This bitch belongs to Eric Tomechak

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September 28th, 2001 5:41 PM CST
Conservative mentality bitch

The conservative mentality, even prior to the tragic incidents of September 11th, has always been, "if you don't agree with us, you're a commie." Well, I'm not a "commie," and I don't think anyone that has posted on this board is a "commie," so why don't you Republicans take your fucking flags and shove them up your "patriotic" asses, next time you have the urge to label someone? America is (was) about the right to freedom of expression. If someone cares about the environment, they are not a commie. If someone cares about the sick, the poor, the uninsured, they are not a commie. If someone doesn't agree with this ridiculous war on Terrorism, they are not a commie. If the best you can do is call someone you disagree with a "commie," you, on the other hand, may be an idiot.
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 28th, 2001 12:22 PM CST
American soil bitch

I do find what happened on Sept. 11 very tragic, but I'm finding how the government is handling the situation to be almost equally frightening. From what I understand, the reason the U.S. is "under attack" is because we have troops stationed in the Saudi Arabia. Right now, it seems as though most American's have a bloodlust to get revenge. To me, I don't think most American's realize what this may mean. Once we engage in combat, Afghanistan will declare a "Holy War" against the United States. Bin Laden has already "okayed" attacks on American citizens. I think if this war is pushed, it will be a war fought on American soil.
-This bitch belongs to James

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September 28th, 2001 8:56 AM CST
M$ bitch

I think it really sucks that M$ didn't include all the fonts that Alex says we should use to read his site, with Internet Exploder. Of course, if I wasn't lazy I could still download them, but I am lazy so there's no point in me bitching about that.
-This bitch belongs to Chris Miller

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September 28th, 2001 2:26 AM CST
Get some tolerance bitch!

I'm pretty open minded, but there's only so much liberal ignorance I can tolerate. I'm not going to read your page ever again, and I will remove the link I had for you, and will encourage my other friends on the net to do the same. You, and your stupid your readers, show no tolerance for those who hold different ideals and values, and you all constantly - on any subject - attempt to belittle those who would go against anything you commie losers say or have a different opinion. You are all such liberal dicks. Hey, I don't want to go to war. I don't want to have to kill people. But it is a necessary evil, simply put. Retribution is warranted in this instance. When you lose someone you hold dear in a cowardly and lethal attack like that, I know all you liberal piles of shit will change your mind. Because for all your preachy crap about how brave you are and how you stand up for America and Americans, you really have no spine and even less sense. Rot in Hell, all of you!
-This bitch belongs to David Ferry

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September 27th, 2001 3:49 PM CST
Brown eyed bitch

I'm not PROUD to be an American. I was lucky enough to be born here, and here's where I live. Being proud to be an American is like saying that I'm proud to have been born with brown eyes. I'm not proud or ashamed to be an American; I just am. Am I willing to run off to war right now to fight for my country? Nope. I think that it's terrible what the terrorists did. But I most certainly do understand why Middle-Easterners hate America. Americans have everything handed to them on a silver platter. We say that it's our right to have all of these things, but it isn't. We may have a "right" to our freedoms here, but try being born somewhere where your number one concern is your "right" to survive. Why do we Americans deserve what we have any more than anyone else deserves it? We didn't really earn any of what we have, we're just damn lucky to have it. So now our government and media is using propaganda to steal the souls of young men, pushing them into a war that won't accomplish anything. We can't wage war on terrorism, no matter what anyone says. As long as there are angry people, there will be terrorism. Do I want to go kill a bunch of innocent Middle-Easterners just because their society has programmed them to hate America? No. I want my country to calm down, pull together, and just get through this crisis in a nonviolent way, and I hope for a better future for everyone, including the people in the Middle East.
-This bitch belongs to Beth P.

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September 27th, 2001 4:15 AM CST
Sleeping bitch

I really only have two pictures of my brother. I have one of him sleeping (he hates camera's) and his Marine's photo. So I was thinking I should call him to ask about getting more photos. I became really depressed because I remembered that I might not get anymore photos of him because he's a marine. And as usual anger followed the depression. I started thinking about his 21st birthday, I was planning a pretty big party for him, but I don't know if I'll throw it, or even if he'll be alive. Damn little brothers, and pictures, but most of all damn me for telling him it was a good career choice if he wanted to become a police officer because it would teach him discipline. And! what do I tell myself if my little brother dies in a war I don't believe in? That it was a good career move? Well at least I'll always have the picture of him sleeping.
-This bitch belongs to Meliann

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September 27th, 2001 1:03 AM CST
Nuclear bitch

It seems that the terrorist attack on New York and Washington was a success for the terrorists. Everyday now we hear of people panicking and doing stupid things due to fear about the attacks and ones that may come in the future. I wish people would look at this situation with a better sense of perspective. As horrible as the attacks were they would pale in comparison to the detonation in a populated area of even a "small" nuclear warhead. We have been living with the possibility (and at many times the probability) of nuclear war for over 50 years now. That didn't stop most people from living their lives. If we let ourselves live in fear the terrorists have won. They won't need to do much in the future to cause panic and deny us our true freedom. We need to exercise courage by facing our fears and putting them in their true perspective.
-This bitch belongs to Brent Duguay

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September 25th, 2001 11:06 PM CST
A Knight's bitch

A Knight's Tale is supposed to come out on September 25th, but they recalled ALL the shipments just because the Twin Towers appears in one of the trailers at the beginning (the Spiderman movie trailer) for about 30 seconds. I'm appalled. It's not like the world is going to die if they see the Twin Towers in a movie... I say it's good to look back and remember the way the towers used to be. Okay that's all I wanted to rant on.
-This bitch belongs to Megan

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September 25th, 2001 10:52 AM CST
Freedoms bitch

Claire tells me I have no patriotism (in her bitch). Well, what about the soldiers families that are going to loose a son, or a father maybe, or maybe their mother. Where's your patriotism to them? The truth is, this war has being created by cowards. They willingly send troops to their deaths, while getting full security escorts to and from their destinations. It's sad that you would want to give up your freedoms so that the strongest of the weak could triumph. I would rather go to war than have you give away your freedoms...
-This bitch belongs to Daniel Givney

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September 25th, 2001 8:30 AM CST
Respective sacks bitch

I bitch that i cannot scratch all of my respective sacks at the same time.
-This bitch belongs to Huntr

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September 24th, 2001 10:41 PM CST
Christian bitch

The thing I don't get about Claire's whole bitch is that the point of the war is to protect America, isn't it? How is giving up all the rights that make America what it is considered protecting America? Maybe I'm mistaken. Maybe this war is just to get back at somebody so that America will feel better about itself. For a supposedly mostly Christian nation, that's not a very Christian thing to do. It pisses me off that the wars of today hurt more civilians than military personnel. It pisses me off that there are so-called Americans who are willing to give up everything that their forefathers fought for in a war long ago, as long as somebody kills some defenseless civilians. At least in the wars hundreds of years ago, most of the deaths were deaths of people that had the means to defend themselves, the deaths of people who wanted to fight or die trying, and not the deaths of people who couldn't or wouldn't fight. By giving up your freedoms for this new war, you're essentially losing a war fought centuries ago.
-The bitch belongs to Richard "Slinky" MacDonald

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September 24th, 2001 8:35 PM CST
Chopped in half bitch

Edit for content, but damn! My bitch from yesterday got chopped in half!
-This bitch belongs to Jason Figueroa

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September 24th, 2001 11:07 AM CST
Roosevelt commie bitch

As always, Alex's latest update has hit home. I only wish that people like Claire would read it, and understand it. I guess she's calling me and Franklin Roosevelt 'commies.' If our civil liberties are taken away now, for this war, I don't see them coming back in the force that we have them now. My fear is that they will be taken away "Only while our war against terrorism is going on," and people will agree that that's not that bad. Only problem is, a war against terrorism will never end. It's like someone said, you can take out the terrorists out there right now, but they have children...and the children will be even more likely to try to get back at us for what we do.
-This bitch belongs to Jeremiah

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September 24th, 2001 9:42 AM CST
Enlist bitch

I think it is safe to say that Claire Allum the author of "Petty Things Like Freedom and Liberties Bitch" is, without question, an idiot. I will tell you this much Claire, if you are ready to give away your petty freedom and liberties for the cause of the greater good, join the military. If you were a true patriot (not that I actually expect you to know what that means) you'd have enlisted already. Now piss off.
-This bitch belongs to Joshua

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September 24th, 2001 3:47 AM CST
Claire bitch

fuck you claire. be glad that you even have the right to speak your opinion and make a fool of yourself. if you're willing to give that up, then YOU go to afghanistan. i hear they have the perfect system for you.
-This bitch belongs to Jason Figueroa.

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September 24th, 2001 2:02 AM CST
Obscure bitch

My bitch is that I'll never be as smart as Alex Sandell even if I live to 350 years old and he dies at 15. The new update he did proves he reads writers I never even heard of. I try to read at least one book a month but I will guess Sandell reads at least 3 a week and that pisses me off. How does he know these obscure authors? He even has another update of quotes that I have finally caught up with after about two years. The man has taste! I was a conservative (I now think of past me as a nazi) until I started reading authors he quoted. I thought I caught up but with this new war America is in with all the "evil" in the world Alex found tons more quotes and I have to go to the library again. Where do you get them all, Sandell? Help me out. Email me at emaildeleted@fatchance.com and tell me the books you read (I sent him a list of everything that I read - Alex) and help me learn. You posses a knowledge not many other people do. You will piss me off if you don't share it.
-This bitch belongs to Brad Ott

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September 23rd, 2001 6:41 PM CST
Love it or leave it bitch

This bitch is for Claire (author of the infamous "petty things like freedoms and liberties" bitch), who has got to the be one of thee biggest idiots ever to send in a bitch. Freedom and Civil Liberties petty little things? Ok sweetheart what does this country stand for then? Are we just a big industrial engine for the sole purpose of waging wars? Screw the principles the country was founded on. Screw all of that Constitution stuff. Lets just win another "war" right? In fact lets just call everything we do a "War" so we don't have to acknowledge any freedoms at all. It's irrelavent whether these "wars" ever accomplish anything its only relevant that they allow us to maintain control. But that's ok with you right Claire? You aren't interested in petty things like The Bill of Rights: Article 1 or any of that BS are you? It's not important as long as we are winning the war. I bet you have one of those "America: love it or leave it" bumper stickers too, huh? Wouldn't surprise me at all with your black and white sheep mentality.
-This bitch belongs to Augustine T.

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September 23rd, 2001 2:19 PM CST
Civil rights bitch

Jealousy and anger regarding America’s civil liberties precipitated, in part, this latest terrorist act. We now are uniting to defend the America that stands for people's civil rights, including the very important right of freedom of speech. What is good about an America that calls those expressing opinions that differ from their own “traitors” or worse, make threats? In the post below the lady wrote “shut up or ship out,” meaning one shouldn’t or doesn’t have the right to make the best America possible? If we love our children, does it mean we see all that they do as good, never discipline or correct? Love involves caring, improving, and especially keeping the liberties we were founded on and hold sacred.
-This bitch belongs to Vinnie

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September 23rd, 2001 9:07 AM CST
Dictator bitch

Are you fucking kidding me Claire (in your "petty things like freedoms and liberties" bitch a couple bitches down)! "I will give up all freedom of speech and all civil liberties to win this war." Its big talk but I suggest when you do give up such rights and you are a mother of 8, raped by the very people dictating to your country, and who will not let you work because of your handicap of being FEMALE, and you are left no choice but to beg on the street, though only at the times your dictatorship says you can beg, oh and of course only in the places your dictatorship says you can beg, and when your 8 year old has a better education than you do because he is MALE and you being female are not allowed to be educated, and I if you do try to educate yourself you will be shot. You will be shot if you do ANYTHING really, except maybe whore yourself out to the dictator for a handful of moldy bread which you can grind up and feed a family of 9, oh plus your mother on. I should think you would rather not have given up those rights you obviously take for fucking granted.
-This bitch belongs to Daniel Givney

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September 23rd, 2001 8:51 AM CST
America will not be the last bitch

America was not the first to be attacked by terrorism. America will not be the last. America was not being attacked because you smell "Funny". They don't give a fuck what God you worship. They (Possibly, and most likely) live in a dictatorship. Politics isn't something they have the luxury of even talking about. This war is over resources. Though some have shamefully turned this into a war of Race and even more shamefully into a war of Belief! But the question I ask you is this. Are you prepared to give every single person in this world a share in the resources this world has provided for you? Nobody will lose money if you share the worlds resources equally. Granted, people will lose "Potential Money". But just think of the people that have no potential resources because your God didn't realise humans can not and will not share.
-This bitch belongs to Daniel Givney

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September 23rd, 2001 2:38 AM CST
Petty things like freedoms and liberties bitch

My bitch is about Alex's new fight "against" terrorism and support civil liberties and freedom of speech banner on his liberal commie page. If you are still concerned about petty things like your freedoms and liberties in a time of war you are not a patriot. I've read through as much of this board as I can handle and you are all against America. I don't feel sympathy for commies. Shut up or ship out. I'm sure Afghanistan would love to have you haters of America! I will give up all freedom of speech and all civil liberties to win this war. ALL true patriots would! If you won't you are a traitor to America.
-This bitch belongs to Claire Allum

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September 22nd, 2001 4:53 PM CST
Unsettling bitch

I'm over it now, for the most part, but for the past couple of weeks, thinking about this whole 'war' business has unsettled my nerves. I had consistent nervous stomach aches during the day for about a week. I'd thought that I was desensitized to these sorts of things by now, but I suppose not. I've turned to recreational drugs in an attempt at self-treatment. Stupid anxiety.
-This bitch belongs to Max Johnson

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September 22nd, 2001 7:13 AM CST
People confusing me for Bill Maher bitch

I fully agree with the comments the bitcher below was paraphrasing (regarding people selling their stocks), but it was actually Bill Maher, from the soon-to-be-cancelled-for-no-reason-other-than-it-briefly-went-against-the-corporate-media's-idea-of-popular-opinion (more on that in Monday's update) television show, Politically Incorrect, not me, who made them. (Sorry about the fact that that sentence was probably the most poorly written sentence in Juicy history. It's late/early. I'm tired/exhausted.)
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell
Want at least one alternate viewpoint on television? Believe in freedom of speech? Please click here to support Bill Maher's right to freedom of expression and support the television show, Politically Incorrect!

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September 22nd, 2001 7:07 AM CST
People selling stocks bitch

I think Alex already pointed this out in one of his Juicy updates but I thought it was worth mentioning again: the poor are taking this in the ass while the rich are selling their stock at the same time they're releasing ads telling the poor not to sell their stocks. Like Alex said, "these people don't worship the red white and blue they worship the green."
-This bitch belongs to Belinda Mohr

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September 21, 2001 10:47 PM CST
Imagine Billy Graham bitch

The tragedy of September 11th was caused by a religious fanatic persuading yet more religious fanatics to kill themselves in order to hurt America more than it's ever been hurt before. The public knew this mere days after the attack, but who gets wheeled out to talk to the world? The Reverend Billy Graham, a man who's total devotion to a story-book character (The Bible's "God") is frightening. And the fact that it's the same devotion to a different God that allowed this to happen must prove that actually religion is the last thing that the world needs. I just finished watching the Tribute To Heroes celebrity telethon. One thing that amused me very much (with exception to Limp Bizkit members doing a version of Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd... what the fuck?) was the cover of Imagine. If you study the lyrics of Imagine (and it doesn't take much studying) you'll notice that it condemns religion as being one of the main things that causes unrest in the world. The sad thing is I doubt anyone actually realised this - the people watching tonight will have been thinking about what a "sad song it is, and that's good enough".
-This bitch belongs to Cameron Devlin

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September 21, 2001 5:35 PM CST
America = drunk cop bitch

Okay so think of Osama bin Laden as that drunk wifebeater who happened to kill some guys in a bar fight, and set fire to it. Now think of us as those drunk cops after him (because we love our beer) and we basically have him surrounded. But the thing is, he holds a bunch of innocent people around him as hostages. As responsible drunk cops, we shoot anyway. We somehow always happen to miss him and kill off a hostage. So our great plan is to kill off all the hostages until it's only him left.
-This bitch belongs to Taeil Kim

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September 21, 2001 5:07 PM CST
Extreme bitch

Like most people on this board I think going to war is some stupid shit. I take offense to the she-male fuckwad telling me I have no pride because I don't believe we should go to war. I also take offense to the commie guy saying nobody in their right mind could take pride in America. I take great pride in America. America has done lots of great things. Going to war against a faceless enemy is one of its not so great things but I still take pride in all the great things we've done as a country. From one side I have a person telling me I have no pride because I'm smart enough to think the upcoming war is dumb. From one side I have a person telling me I am dumb to have pride. Both extremes can fuck off.
-This bitch belongs to Meg Stone

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September 21, 2001 3:11 PM CST
Gung-ho bitch

Why the hell does everyone think that America is invincible? So far, just about everyone I've talked to seems to think that war entails the U.S. sitting on its collective ass and watching unmanned jets nuke some remote part of the world. In fact, I think that's why many people are so gung-ho about a war. They figure, as long it doesn't interfere with their regular schedule of avoiding everything didactic and informative, it's alright by them. Unfortunately, war doesn't work that way. Those jets need PILOTS. Those bombs have DESTINATIONS. And those destinations have INNOCENT PEOPLE living near them. And the absolute funniest thing about it is the fact that not one DESTINATION is even KNOWN yet! We still don't have a name or face for our enemy! Yet 90% of this nation still shakes its collective fist, vowing revenge.
-This bitch belongs to Christopher Gibbs

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September 21, 2001 2:26 PM CST
2000 mile mass of stupidity bitch

To Nicole, or Jake, or whatever, I ask this question: Who in their right mind could take pride in a country that created the monsters who attacked us? I mean, don't get me wrong; I sincerely believe that 9-11 was a tragedy, and I am sad that so many innocent people had to die. But to be truthful, just about anyone who reads the news could have seen it coming. It's overly-patriotic nationalist morons like you who turn this country into a vengeance-driven, 2000 mile mass of stupidity. I mean seriously, do you think that this was a random act of violence? This was a retaliation by people who are sick of us enabling other countries to kill them. Why don't people get that? I'm SICK and TIRED of morons like the transgender-wonder thinking that America is a land of saints, who just happen to possess nuclear warheads.
-This bitch belongs to Christopher Gibbs

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September 21, 2001 2:24 PM CST
Two wrongs don't make a right bitch

I haven't lost my sense of pride in America at all. On the contrary- I am more proud to say I am an American than ever before. How can Nicole/Jake say that an AMERICAN has lost his/her pride in their country because they don't want to go kill some people? You may kill the enemy (whoever THAT is), but you'll also kill people you know and love. I'd appreciate it if people wouldn't tell me I have no pride because I don't feel that two wrongs (which this would be) make a right. I'd also appreciate it (and I'll speak for everyone who agrees with me on this) if people wouldn't cast the horror I did experience over these events into doubt, simply because I don't feel that throwing this country into war is the rational thing to do.
-This bitch belongs to Cate Sig

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September 21, 2001 1:41 PM CST
Pin the tale on the donkey bitch

It's crazy to think that you can measure patriotism with the number of bombs you want to drop or the cities you want to destroy. Patriotism isn't about believing in your country no matter WHAT it decides to do. How much thought and belief does it take to tell your country that it needs to "nuke them fuckers!" It doesn't take much. Especially when you're not the one doing the nuking. Even if you ARE willing to jump into the war effort, it's still a blind leap. It takes more of a patriot to stand back and think about a situation, rather than to rush in blindly. A real patriot would realize that playing "I'm rubber, you're glue" is just what it sounds like. Childish. First of all, who are you fighting? Do you know? Do you even know what you're fighting? Trying to fight a faceless enemy is like playing "pin the tail on the donkey," only the donkey (or maybe camel would be more appropriate) is the middle east, the tail is death, and the pin is a bunch of gigantic fucking bombs...not to mention all the players that get spun around, miss the donkey/camel's butt and are out of the game. War is a waste. Not only is it a waste, it's uncivilized. Do you think that these terrorists don't EXPECT some sort of military retaliation? Do you think it's punishment of some sort? Killing a bunch of people who are willing to kill THEMSELVES is hardly punishment. Not only that, what will it solve? There will always be terrorists. Bin Laden has followers all over the world, now more than ever. And when bin Laden is dead, ten more will be there to step up and take his place. The american people KNOW that, but continue to flail blindly at an enemy that is merely a tiny piece of the puzzle.
-This bitch belongs to Ex World News writer guy for The Juicy Cerebellum, Sariel Lehyani (Alex would like to note that Sariel was one of the very first people to ever write a letter in to The Juicy Cerebellum, who wasn't a friend or relative, nearly five years ago, when this whole crazy thing started. Back then he was just a little junior high guy, and now he's a flashy college student, but, college aside, we still love having him! If you want to read little kid Sariel's email, from all those years ago, click here.)

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September 21, 2001 12:23 PM CST
Emotionally raw bitch

There is a bumper sticker that sums up my feelings about the goings on in this country perfectly. It says "I love my country, but fear my government." Personally, I love the US, it's the people who run it that scare me, when so often policy and procedure do not follow how I am feeling I wonder, well where is my voice? When we are offered a compromise repeatedly by a country, and we refuse to take it instead settling on making demands that are impossible to meet before a country, riling up those still emotionally raw, and effectively taking us into a war that my Grandchildren's Grandchildren will be fighting. I say, ok where is my voice? How in the world is sending out brothers, fathers, mothers, sisters and friends to die, and send then to die for years to come a solution? And how is wanting them sent off to die patriotic? What are we trying to prove by making an ultimatum that will not only upset the Taliban, but the world at large patriotic? And explain to me how we can point fingers when we have members of Osama bin Laden's terrorist group in the United States, that have been here for years and we can't find them?
-This bitch belongs to Mel

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September 21, 2001 12:06 PM CST
Body bags bitch

A major theme of my life in recent years has been impulsive actions getting me into trouble. So far, the worst thing that has happened has been me going to college far away from those I love. The thought of such things happening on a national level are infinitely frightening. I can't fathom the repercussions a war will have on our country. The people around me seem to think that a few planes will fly around, we'll drop a few bombs on some bad guys, and then return home victorious. This is INSANE. They don't realize that (as Alex pointed out to me) males around them will come home in body bags. Our country is still reeling and swinging around in the dark, ready to attack anyone in a turban. Yes, action must be taken. The people who caused this destruction and loss of life should be brought to justice. But surely we can find a better solution than going to war. I think the world would even hold us in higher esteem if we metaphorically take a deep breath, count to ten, and wait for our logic to return. The other option, as Jake or whoever so eloquently suggested as listening to the animal within, will only cause more bloodshed, more suffering, and more hatred towards the U.S. I love this country. I can't think of anywhere else in the world I'd rather live. A lot of other Americans (most everybody on this board, I believe) feel the same way. Just because we've opened our eyes and are willing to disagree with our government doesn't mean we're not patriotic. Hell, didn't you pay attention in history? Disagreeing with one's government is what made this country in the first place. It seems to me a lot of Americans have stopped caring what their government does, as long as they've got a La-Z-Boy, cable TV, and a good supply of nachos. How sad.
-This bitch belongs to Marie "no need to put parenthesized comments by her name" Ray

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