Archive 1:
September 4th through- 13th, 2001
(back to the current bitch board)

September 21, 2001 11:31 AM CST
Let us bitch bitch

i was extremely offended by that transsexual fuckers bitch. how can he/she/shim question anyones loyalty to a country when the whole reason why they dont want a war is because they dont want more americans to die? i just dont get it. this country is the best there is. hell yes we can do a lot better, but i mean, come on. the very fact that this bitchboard exists testifies to the fact that america is a good country. sure it gives us a lot to bitch about, but it also lets us bitch and try to change things, which is really all we can ask for; a chance to change things. i think everyone on this bitchboard recognizes that fact. america fucking sucks in so many ways, but i dont want to live anywhere else. i love freedom, and i love our country for setting the ideal of freedom for the rest of the world. what that other dude didnt realize in his/her bitch is that his/her attempt to get other people to change their bitches about america was actually antithetical to the very ideals america was built on. i think its safe to say that that transsexual dude is a fucking moron.
-This bitch belongs to Sam

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September 21, 2001 10:42 AM CST
Crumbling country bitch

If the US wants to remain as the supreme overlord of the world, then war is the only option.  actually, the only alternative at all would be to stop interfering in every conflict that goes on over there and stop making ourselves at home on their lands with our "peace" efforts that have yielded no results whatsoever. However, in doing this, the US would look like serious pussies (can i say that?) and in affect be backing down, which would look really bad.  this is surely not the end, because even if afghanistan were to give up Bin Laden, that doesn't mean all other terrorists would call it quits.  These are terrorist organizations, not the fucking boy scouts of america, you cant just disband people and expect it to stop. This is a new war children, one where our own resources will be used against us as we stand by so frightened that our own country will crumble in front  of us but we will be too afraid to even notice.  May God bless this country.
-This bitch belongs to Mike

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September 21, 2001 10:17 AM CST
Ya'll bitch

I'm bitching about the idiot who was saying people like me have no pride. Firstly, the letter began with the phrase "sorry ya'll". That immediately raises my guard when I'm reading something, but to say that we dont think of the firefighters as heroes, or that we have no pride or anger is stupid and unfounded. Those men who lost their lives are heroes. I am proud of many things about my country, especially the way people act when a tragedy like this occurs. People who dont give a shit about anything else band together and show their true colors. Am I disappointed in my country, my government and my population yes I am but do I hate america, Hell fucking no. people like you (the ya'll guy) are merely blind to the facts and react to emotions rather than logic.  As for revenge, I'll join in with most americans to say that I want the people who did this to be skewered and burned over a slow fire, but I dont think that going to war with a country that's already been ravaged by several others is a way to do it.
-This bitch belongs to Chris Reagan

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September 21, 2001 9:01 AM CST
Capitol Hill bitch

It amazes me that patriotism (Love of and devotion to one's country.) is being used as an argument (and synonym) for going to war.  I love this country. I love (for the most part) the people that make it up. I am deeply touched and moved by the tragic events that have taken place....innocent lives were taken away forever.  There are thousands of children that will grow up without a mommy or daddy that are too young to comprehend why at this point.  I have been in awe of the number of Americans and foreigners who have banded together in the desperate search for any survivors when the WTC towers collapsed.  Men and women from multiple creeds, races, religions and political orientation, wading together side by side through tons of rubble, despite an ever-present danger to themselves from further building collapses have implanted visions in my head and touched my heart in ways that will never disappear from me in this life.  I
applaud them.  I salute them.  I thank them. Despite the horror we have witnessed recently, I still dissuade from a knee-jerk reaction propelling us to war.  For those of you who think this is in direct conflict with the concept of being patriotic, I encourage you to think about what it means to live in America.  Think about what America stands for.  Think about why this country is as great as it is.  I also encourage you to quit blindly following the herd.  All the facts are not on the table.  All your attention is directed at a tragic event on a beautiful September morning.  All we know is what we've been told by people on television.  I do think those responsible for this should be brought to justice.  I do think that an evil act was committed against the US and something needs to be done about it.  I find it sad however, that the first reaction we had as a people, as a nation, which is revenge; WAR; is the impulse that has defined our foreign policy for the next 5, 10 to 20 years...perhaps forever. It is a time such as this when we are supposed to put a great deal of faith and trust in our elected leaders, because they hold in their hands the lives of hundreds of thousands if not millions of people.  I find it interesting that before September 11th, no one that I spoke with had anything but contempt for the government and for the Bush Jr. administration.  There was no sense of trust.  No sense of faith.  No sense of pride for the men and women of Capitol Hill.  Were our elected officials suddenly replaced by a group of men and women with functioning moral compasses?  Have our men and women of power suddenly become so trustworthy that we will allow them to send another generation of young men (and women) to their deaths?  How many of you are in favor of bringing back the draft? Those of you that answer 'aye', I'm sure you have already gone and enlisted in the armed forces since the tragic events of September 11th, since not one of you is a hypocrite. I gave four years of my life in service of my country in the US NAVY.  I spent 3 1/2 years of that time living overseas in Japan away from my friends and family.  I still have a chance that before all is said and done, I will be called back to active duty status.  Don't ever question my patriotism.
-This bitch belongs to Joshua


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September 21, 2001 8:01 AM CST
Turning patriotism on its head bitch

I am very patriotic and have plenty of pride in my country!  I love America but I hate what it has become.  America was established as the land of opportunity, a place where we all had a chance to succeed.  It was established with a court system, where everyone is innocent until proven guilty.  America was established with the idea that we had many civil liberties and under no circumstance should they be infringed upon. Now what we have is intolerance for different religions.  We have billion dollar corporations getting bailed out.  We have 100% of our senate saying that we can do away with our innocent until proven guilty philosophy.  We have assholes telling me that I'm un-American just because I don't want my civil liberties taken away.  Those same assholes are telling me that I am not patriotic if I don't want my brother to die in a war that has no tangible enemy.  I am very patriotic!  I fight for the freedom that America stands for.  So I want to reverse the argument.  Anyone that is for this war, anyone that is for assassination and anyone that is for taking away civil liberties are the ones that have no pride in America.
-This bitch belongs to Alex's 26-year-old (yes, he had a birthday) brother

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September 21, 2001 4:18 AM CST
It's a rich world, after-all bitch

War is not the "Only" solution as George Bush has told you.  There is a much simpler solution, but it will not be liked by many.  The simple solution is the elimination of world debt and the even distribution of all the world's resources.  It doesn't have to be equal, it doesn't have to be even remotely equal.  It just has to be more than NOTHING! Why do the residents of this world NOT have equal claim to the resources that their world has provided for them?  I find it hard to believe how everyone except the extremely greedy (and no doubt already rich) would not benefit from the redistribution of Oil, Gold, Zinc, Copper, Etc.  The prices of such resources will become more affordable, though only to the riches of the world's nations.  But at least no single nation and quite often a small select group within that nation will benefit solely.  Proceeds of every drop of oil or gram of gold will put food in the mouths of the starving, medicine in the bodies of the sick and believe it or not, will still put money in the pockets of countries like mine that have everything.
-This bitch belongs to Daniel Givney

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September 21, 2001 3:57 AM CST
In defense of Juicy readers and bitch board posters bitch

If Nicole, or Jake, the poster using multiple names down below, paid attention to more than rhetoric and her/his "own animal" sensibilities, she/he would have noticed that I do anything but ignore the firemen, or any act of heroism, during this tragedy, in my most recent update, or any of the updates that I have written since 9-11. I'm sure that, along with myself, every person who has opposed going to war on this bitch board still feels horrible about the tragic incidents of September 11th, and feels a debt of gratitude to all of the brave firemen and policemen and volunteers and police dogs who have helped search through the rubble.  I'm so sure of this, that I'm asking EVERYONE that has posted on this board before, against sending the U.S. to war, to write in and tell Nicole/Jake whether or not their anti-war stance is truly because they "don't have any pride", or if they are "dismissing deaths" because they "don't agree with past governmental policy". Or, maybe write in, and explain to the judgmental and confused Nicole/Jake that true patriots come in all shapes and sizes, and putting animal instincts and bloodlust above common sense will end up hurting us all in the end.  Don't question my pride, Nicole/Jake, and don't question the pride of my readers, simply because their opinions differ from your own.
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 21, 2001 1:38 AM CST
Judgmental transsexual bitch

Sorry ya'll, but I have to ask if America has completely lost it's sense of pride.  Those terrorists killed AMERICANS.  If you don't want some kind of revenge, you're not being true to your own animal.  Or maybe you don't have any pride because you weren't taught it at home.  How can you not be moved to feelings of rage at the deaths of so many firefighters? Those people are true heros,  yet you dismiss those deaths because you don't like or don't agree with past governmental policy.
This bitch belongs to either Nicole Auxier or Jake Coleman (it would be nice if people would choose just one name, or sex)

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September 20, 2001 11:57 PM CST
People who don't vote bitch

Or take part in the political process, or educate themselves.  So we end up with the kinds of people in office who ignore the big, red "WARNING! WARNING!  You have exceeded the limits on hubris and will soon be attacked by terrorists from a third-world country!" messages flashing left and right ... the kinds of people you'd be embarrassed to have as elementary school crossing guards.  Or elementary school students, for that matter.  For anyone who hates what's happening now -- get involved.  At least register and vote.  I don't even care who you vote for. Not that there were any prizes in the last national election ... but there may have been some in your local or regional elections, and winning at that level might eventually get them to Washington, a few elections down the road. Democracy looks great on paper, but it's not a democracy if nobody uses it!
-This bitch belongs to Melinda Nowikowski

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September 20, 2001 10:10 PM CST
Edit this bitch

I read your crap on the board and you say you can edit bitches. Edit this, pansy!
-Cade V
(The above bitch has been edited for space and content. - Alex)

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September 20, 2001 5:48 AM CST
Faceless enemy bitch

I'm a 16 year-old female, and quite frankly, I see war as the absolute death of any sort of dreams anyone in my age group has.  I look around at the guys I'm friends with, and see them being sent off to fight (and in all honesty, most likely die) in a few years, and it horrifies me.  These are our parents who are choosing what to do during a time like this, and it's saddening to know that they'll willingly send their own children away to fight a faceless "enemy".  I just don't know why a more rational end to this ("rational" being something other than killing a significant portion of my generation) can't be seen.  What a way to disillusion a section of the population that, otherwise, has no real need to fear for their futures.
-This bitch belongs to Cate Sig

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September 20, 2001 4:37 AM CST
Latino bitch 

Hey, Im writing this ´coz it sucks that americans just dont see what they have done in the past, they just screwed up latin america (im a latino), screwed up middle east and now they are crying because of what happened, man if americans didnt saw it coming, shit! how stupid can a country be?
-This bitch belongs to Roberto Christian Cerrud Rodriguez

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September 19, 2001 5:47 PM CST
Stupid fucking Internet bitch

I fucking hate slooooow-ass modem connections. I can't hardly stand being on the internet at home anymore. On the other hand, I hate it when people take the internet way too seriously too.  I had to talk to a woman at work last week. She was actually CRYING...because she couldn't get into her e mail.  That is really sad.  There are so many more worthy things to get upset about.
-This bitch belongs to Heather  

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September 19, 2001 1:04 PM CST
I love America bitch

I'm sick and tired of people bitching at me when I try to tell them that in many ways america brought this on itself because of ignorance and corruption. It doesnt matter that I feel worse about this that they ever could, they just see my opinion about this and think I hate america. I love america, and it hurts me to see what it has become.
-This bitch belongs to Chris Reagan


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September 19, 2001 12:38 PM CST
Fundamentalist bitch

I heard yesterday that Jerry Falwell and That fat bastard from the 700 club are going around saying that what happened to america is god punishing us for porn, promiscuity, evolution, atheism and homosexuality (don't forget the ACLU, "liberals" and "feminists" - Alex the editor guy). Dont these fucking morons know that theyre just as bad as the fucking arabs who did this shit? Ignorance breeds ignorance.
-This bitch belongs to Chris Reagan (Jerry and Pat said these things right after the incident - Jerry actually said the words, and Pat simply agreed with the words Jerry said.  After shitloads of public hounding and hate mail, Jerry has now "apologized."  Too little, too late, I know, but I just thought I'd point that out. - Alex the editor guy)

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September 19, 2001 10:16 AM CST
Passive-aggressive pussy bitch

I just read the third installment of "Better Ask the U.S. how to Make a Monster", and I could not agree with it more. Alex raised so many good points that I don't even know where to begin to concur. I think that this is the most irrational way to handle a situation since Vietnam. Only this is much worse, simply because no one wants to stop and think about the ramifications of killing potentially INNOCENT people. Everyone wants revenge, at whatever cost, even if it means becoming the terrorists ourselves. Another great point is the fact that folks want to go to war, but no one seems to want to sign up. I've heard about forty college students say "This is horrible. These people should be brought to justice. We need to go to war", but when asked if they would sign up, they all declined. Heh. I guess this nation has turned into a bunch of passive-aggressive pussies, who want nothing more than an undeserved, unfought-for "victory" so that we can boast about how great our country is. And the worst part about it, is the fact that no one will so much as LISTEN to an alternate opinion! God forbid you don't think war is a good idea (like me); you run the risk of being crucified on the spot, simply because you don't like following a herd of morons.
-This bitch belongs to Christopher Gibbs


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September 18, 2001 11:38 PM CST
"Poopyhead" bitch

Why don't so many people bitch?  Alex has I think over 3000 people on his mailing list and only probably 100 people have posted here.  I can't talk since I haven't posted until now but JUICY readers have to do their part to keep this board alive!  Special thanks to Alex for doing this all manually and keeping it updated on a regular basis.  You, my friend, are D-VOTE-ED!  Since the last half was a compliment not a bitch you will edit it unless I make it a bitch.  I will rephrase: You fuckers could at least send in a bitch or two every day since Alex busts his ass manually updating this board you non-participating poopyheads!
-This bitch belongs to Tom Bottrell

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September 18, 2001 6:29 PM CST
Biased bitch

Living in England, where the media is *nearly* as biased as in the USA, everyone is led to believe that the US Government are *guiltless*, Americans are shown to be all of one opinion: 'Let's raise our stars and stripes and seek revenge'. So..I was happy to read some comments on the bitch board, and Alex's 'essays', which look introspective and a lot smarter than the very people whose rule they are under. I *do* have the impression that the average American is a sheep of the herd, but this site proves that there is a minority who opens their eyes and looks around for the truth. Many of the people tragically killed were innocent, but their innocence is not reflected in America's history. I'm just glad at least some of you acknowledge that.
-This bitch belongs to Katy X

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September 18, 2001 4:08 PM CST
Piss off bitch

To the person who recommended I get the fuck out of this country because of my viewpoints on the reality that is America, I say piss off. I've given years of my life in service of this country.  I know bullshit when I see it.  The whole point of the statement was an attempt to wake this country up to be greater than it is without the illusions most people have in their heads.  Only the brainwashed and sleeping sheep would react to my comments in such a fashion.  If you really want this country to be great, you need to learn to not only accept, but relish points of view wildly divergent than your own.
-This bitch belongs to Joshua Boylan

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September 17, 2001 8:53 PM CST
Japanese bitch

Funny how selective our nation's memory is.  Hard to believe these people who are moaning and grieving over the loss of so many innocent lives live in the same country that dropped a nuclear bomb on Hiroshima.  Did we have a national day of prayer and remembrance for those countless innocent Japanese citizens who died (and are still dying) as a result of our actions??  I didn't think so.
-This bitch belongs to Marie Ray (who doesn't seem to realize that people can moan and grieve over a horrible, and recent, tragedy, even if their country did drop a bomb on Hiroshima half a century ago.)

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September 17, 2001 6:52 PM CST
Patriotic bitch

A true patriot would never ask someone to "just fucking leave" America if said someone voices their opinion.  A true patriot would speak his/her mind if they considered something about America worth improving.  A true patriot would never accuse their fellow Americans of "faking grievance" during this tragic time.  A true patriot would realize that the grief American citizens are feeling is genuine, and would be sympathetic toward their mourning, not doubtful.  The bastard who wrote the bitch below me is anything but a patriot, but he's welcome to his opinion, no matter how much I despise it.
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 17, 2001 5:01 PM CST
Ignorant anonymous asshole bitch

One of the (very many) things that pisses me off the most about Tuesday's events is the reactions.  Sure, a lot of people are faking grievance and what-not, but there are worse things. The people that really bother me are the ones who talk about what an awful country America is, how we had it coming to us, ad infinitum. If you think America is so damn awful, then just fucking leave!
-This bitch belongs to some Cowardly Fucking Idiot


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September 17, 2001 11:07 AM CST
Propagandist bullshit bitch

The loss of so many lives is tragic...that point hasn't been a matter of contention.  However, it pisses me off that we have so many sheep in this country who think "Oh my God!  How could this happen?  I can't believe these monsters could kill so many innocents.  Let's bomb 'em all!  Drop the bomb! Nuke the bastards!  Turn the middle east into a glass park."  Hypocrisy. Murder is murder...death is death...and as far as I know, two wrongs have never made a right yet....though two rights do make a left.  The majority of the sheep...'er, citizens of America honestly believe that these terrorist acted without provocation.  They turn a blind eye to the similar acts our political and military machine has committed throughout our relatively short history.  We are, on the whole, wholly hypocritical.  Wake up sheep.  It's time we were a bit more responsible in this nation...it's time we stop believing everything we are fed by the television and other media, all of which are controlled by the corporations who have been anally raping this country for decades.  Stop believing every piece of propagandist bullshit the government crams down your throat as well.  Take responsibility, stay informed, stay awake, stay alert.  As Bob Dylan would say "....the times
they are a changing..."
-This bitch belongs to Joshua Boylan

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September 17, 2001 12:54 AM CST
Dancing asses and ketchup chips bitch

I'll be the first to admit that I've never ate a "ketchup chip," and never want to, but the thought of them is making me all gaggy ("gaggy" isn't really a word, but it looks good naked).  I keep having visions of ketchup chips floating through my head, thanks to that Canadian/Floridian guy.  I don't even know what they look like, but they are consuming my thoughts like the shaking ass on a hot stripper, after a night at the strip club.  AND I HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN TO A STRIP CLUB FOR OVER A YEAR, WHEN MY FRIEND, MYSELF AND MY TEMPORARY GIRLFRIEND FROM CANADA NEEDED AN AFTER-HOURS PLACE TO HANG OUT AFTER THE BARS CLOSED!  Now I'm preoccupied with dancing asses and ketchup chips.  Thanks Canadian/Floridian guy.  
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 17, 2001 12:51 AM CST
Lack of decent junk food down in Florida bitch

Back in Canada, there are Aero and Caramilk bars and Ketchup chips with the most excellent of excellent dips by the name of Kraft's Dill Pickle chip dip made with real Philadelphia creme cheese! Gawd, I'm horny.
-This bitch belongs to Richard MacDonald

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September 17, 2001 12:47 AM CST
Skanky bitch

I have the same bitch as the college person, except for the fact that I'm in middle school. The last person I talked to intellectually who was anywhere NEAR my age was two years older than me, and it was two years ago! My god, where do you have to go to find somebody under the age of 18 with an opinion on something deeper than "So, don't you think that that shirt Britney is wearing is SO skanky?"
-This bitch belongs to Brie

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September 16, 2001 11:28 PM CST
Metal umbrellas bitch

On Friday night, the power went out and I didn't have any candles or flashlights. I had to walk around with my freaking Game Boy turned on, using the little Nyko worm light thing to find my way around. And when I took my dog out, I took am umbrella so I wouldn't get wet (since we were in the middle of a hurricane), but then along came lightning! And, of course, umbrella makers wouldn't think to make plastic umbrellas! They make stupid, shitty, metal umbrellas! Maybe there are plastic umbrellas in the world, but I've never seen any.
-This bitch belongs to Richard MacDonald

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September 16, 2001 8:45 PM CST
Money and guns bitch

The fact that 1 person in our entire representative government voted in a rational manner is truly saddening. If our representatives truly reflect the majority opinion we are no better than a hive. It makes me horribly depressed that the country I am from seems to simply progress without ever evolving.  We have become essentially a nation of young children who have inherited the biggest guns and the most money.
-This bitch belongs to Alice (but only when she's ten feet tall)

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September 16, 2001 5:15 PM CST
When your computer crashes and you lose the weekend's bitches bitch

It is maddening.  If you sent a bitch between Sept. 15 at 10:22 AM CST and Sept 16 at 5:14 PM CST, you can resend them and they'll be posted.  About 8 or 9 disappeared when my email program decided to lock up, crash my computer, and wipe out a bunch of emails, including recent "bitches."
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 15, 2001 10:21 AM CST
College bitch

How is it that I can be in a COLLEGE, supposedly surrounded by the mental elite, and have no one to intellectually converse with?  All most of these people care about is getting fucked up on the weekends and who is going to what party.  It is rather sickening.  Very few here are doing more than going through the motions.  Very few are actually here to learn something. They are here to be social, to drink, to fuck, and to maybe get a few good grades.  They'll eventually graduate due to their parents' money, and go on to live more of their silver spoon lives, working a job that requires less than 30% of their conscious thought.  They will have cute blond children, small dogs, and picket fences.  Not to mention SUVs and a good 401K.  They will be called "successful" and will look back on their college days with reminiscing smiles and hazy memories.
-This bitch belongs to Marie "Alex wonders what YOU'RE doing there" Ray 

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September 15, 2001 8:36 AM CST
People with super bad taste bitch

"Bloody Violet", the poster below with the two bad jokes and one nasty attitude, sent me a second email asking me if I was "insane" for deciding that The Iron Giant was the best film of the past five years.  She said that when she "first" saw the animated masterpiece, she laughed "so hard" because "it was so damn stupid."  This is the chick (or is this chick a man?) that gets her jollies off of a joke about a muffler.  I guess there's no accounting for taste.  
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 15, 2001 7:37 AM CST
Muffler bitch

my bitch is that only one fucking person thinks this joke is funny: I dreamt that i was a muffler last night and i woke up exhausted. And you know what else? more people think that the joke: A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says, "Why the long face?" is funnier than the one above. Damn you people.
-This bitch belongs to Bloody violet

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September 15, 2001 5:33 AM CST
People suck bitch

The fucking sick bastards using this tragedy to make money just pisses me off. Gas prices were raised to $5/gallon in some places and yeah so they're gonna get in trouble for it, they're still fucking sick. It's like they're putting monetary value on human lives. Which brings me to the disgustingly pathetic morons
trying to auction pieces of the rubble of the buildings. People who presumably LIVE in NY trying to sell chunks of the WTC instead of having the balls to go through a little depressive insanity to mourn the ppl they lived & worked with makes me wonder why the hell everyone always says America is such a great country. Oh yeah the COUNTRY may be great (or at least better than most of the others), but a damn lot of the PEOPLE suck.
-This bitch belongs to Jennifer Romstedt

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September 14, 2001 3:44 PM CST
Misunderstood bitch

I hate being misunderstood!  I was not referring to Alex's audience as idiots in my last bitch.  In general, The Juicy Cerebellum seems to have a pretty open minded crowd.  I was referring to those that do not read anything besides the entertainment updates.  Understanding all aspects of an issue is important, especially in a critical decision such as the declaration of war.  Many Americans are too eager to resolve an issue, leading to impulsive decisions that may not be in the countries long term best interest.
-This bitch belongs to Alex's 25-year-old brother

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September 14, 2001 12:25 PM CST
Boss bitch

About ten minutes after the second plane hit the towers my boss said we were going to still have our regular staff meeting.  My bitch is that she is a bitch.  She, like many Americans, is so consumed with her job and bullshit useless work, that she could not see the immediate significance of what happened on Tuesday. She is what is (and probably has already) ruined this country.
-Peter Roloff

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September 14, 2001 10:10 AM CST
Alex's brother thinks I'm an idiot bitch

I do not focus solely on Alex's "funny top ten lists" as Alex's brother seems to imply I would as a reader of this page.  I prefer Alex's more serious writings as is found in today's update.  I do not believe that the majority of readers of The Juicy Cerebellum are "idiots" and I think that if you read through the letters to the webmaster section of the page or through a lot of the "bitches" on this bitch board you will see a widely diverse and educated audience.  I may have misinterpreted Alex's brother's bitch (why doesn't Alex's brother have to leave his real name?).  When he said that "most idiots" won't read today's update he could have been referring to "most idiots" in the literal context and not implying that most readers of this page are idiots.  If he is inferring that most readers of this page are idiots I think he needs to pay a little more attention to his brother's fan base.
-This bitch belongs to Adam Ezra

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September 14, 2001 7:32 AM CST
Revenge bombing bitch

You have some good points in your Monster update.  Too bad that most idiots won't read it because it is not one of your funny top ten lists.  America needs to grow up!  We can't keep going around the world bombing anyone we feel like and then act as if it is a shock when a country retaliates.  It's a shame that 5000 Americans died and it will also be a shame if 5000 civilians in Afghanistan die.  Instead of a revenge bombing campaign, why don't we follow the US laws and arrest the terrorists and bring them to court?
-This bitch belongs to Alex's 25-year-old brother

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September 14, 2001 2:06 AM CST
Last 2 bitches bitch 

I would just like to bitch that my last 2 bitches were edited for space and content and yes there is a warning about this but also permission to bitch about it. So there. I promise I won't take up anymore valuable bitch space. And I'm almost out of chapstick.
-This bitch belongs to Augustine T.

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September 13, 2001 8:57 PM CST
Segmented bitch

I hate when you post your updates in segments cuz I have to spend a day wondering "where is Alex going with this?"  This bitch is half-assed cuz I loved part 1 of the update!
-Carole Jacobs

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September 13, 2001 7:15 PM CST
Gratuitous media bitch

Who is the real enemy out of this? The media, the most depressing evil thing created. Every five minutes (this is not sarcastic) they show footage of the crash. One time, I was watching Peter Jennings and he announced a "better angle" of the second plane crash. Jesus Christ, and they do. Where you could see the actual side being hit by the plane like a gunshot. And before they showed it, Mr. Jennings said that the news wasn't trying to take publicity with this. They just want to show you the immense power of the plane, to show how much of a fucking bomb it was.
-This bitch belongs to Taeil Kim

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September 13, 2001 6:48 PM CST
This bitch compliments my update bitch

I want to say that I unconditionally agree with the last update that you made.  All of these people have one track minds all they can think about is
"revenge" and "killing arabs".  It seems to be all the general population is capable of anymore is waiting for something to happen and then reacting to
it in the typical  "lets bomb some people" manner. We are slowly becoming a country of barbarians wearing Nike sweats and the rest of the world is beginning to notice.  But after this terrible event my biggest fear is that the inept persons currently in charge of the government now have an excuse to do literally anything they want both domestically and abroad.  I don't even want to discuss this with anyone I know on the internet or otherwise. The only thing I hear are adolescent revenge fantasies.  Everyone wants, as usual with this country, a WAR on terrorism.  Just like our WAR on drugs, our WAR  on poverty, our WAR on homelessness. We talk so much about peace but in reality we love turning things into a war more than anything else. People fail to realize that a "war on terrorism" would at best be a war of retribution and at worst would just be the killing of innocent people. I love this country very much but we have become a nation of educationally declining masses manipulated by the few and I fear that the events of the near future are going to bring about our decline in the eyes of the world.
-This bitch belongs to Augustine T.


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September 13, 2001 6:33 PM CST
The bitch board love connection bitch

I haven't seen a great friend of mine named Jennifer Taylor in ages.  I had the biggest crush on her in school, and when she moved to Ohio it felt like I lost something. Yes, I have bitches about everything that's going on in America right now, and I'm not a heartless s.o.b, but the pressing issue on my mind is whether or not the Jennifer Taylor on this board is the one that knows me. If not, well, that's something else to bitch about.
-This bitch belongs to Jeremiah Fargo

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September 13, 2001 5:46 PM CST
Cause and effect bitch

No one is surprised when the schoolyard bully is jumped and beaten by an organized mob of his victims. No one is surprised when somebody stands up and pops the guy who's been wandering around the bar all night picking fights and grabbing women by the ass. Onlookers nod and say "Guess he got what was coming to him."

The politicians and Alphabet Gangsters (CIA, FBI, WTF) swagger around the globe, poking their noses into every other countries affairs. Selling guns to this group to shoot at that group, then selling guns to the other group to shoot back. Not content to rule just US citizens, the occupying force of the land tries to play god with the lives of every inhabitant on the planet. Funny thing is, apparently some people resent it. Imagine that. 

Maybe, just maybe, if the Amerikan government would keep it's fucking nose out of the business of other countries, maybe citizens of those other countries wouldn't see a need to fly planes into our buildings. When you're bemoaning the terrible tragedy of "9-11," point the finger of blame where it belongs. Cause and effect. For every action, there is an equal and opposite RE-action. Politicians play and the population pays.
-This bitch belongs to Jeff, who left no last name, which sort of pisses me off, since the bitch is controversial, and he should let the finger of blame point at HIM, and not me.  Send in your last name, Jeff!

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September 13, 2001 4:46 PM CST
Bitches that aren't bitches bitch

I have to send out a bitch regarding the bitches I've been sent that aren't bitches.  One of them simply read, "this is for your bitch board: any of you feeling lost can find yourselves again in the Bible."  THAT ISN'T A BITCH!  And, as someone else pointed out, all those nutty fucking terrorists are about as religious as they come.  If that's "finding yourself", I want to stay "lost".
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 13, 2001 3:12 PM CST
Bitch not being posted bitch

I'd like to bitch about my previous bitch never having been posted. Perhaps because it wasn't a 'bitch' per se, or perhaps because Alex never received and/or read it. In general, I'm not a very bitchy person, but this pisses me off. I also hate using foreign keyboards.
-This bitch belongs to Max Johnson

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September 13, 2001 3:08 PM CST
High politicians bitch

I just want to say that the War on Drugs is one of the biggest fucking failures ever. That's our money being wasted. I want mine back. And I'm sure all the drug addicts want theirs back too, considering that drugs are waaaay overpriced due to their being illegal and all, not to mention even more dangerous to the user since there are no purity and quality control measures in place. Researchers can't even find out the effects of some of these drugs because the law won't let them touch the stuff. Even industrial hemp, which contains less than 1% of THC (nowhere near enough to get high), is so illegal that Native Americans can't even grow it on their own land, even when the plant grows naturally there! Oh well, I guess no high is as good as the one that all the politicians are on; burning through billions of dollars a year must be nice.
-This bitch belongs to Jason Figueroa

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September 13, 2001 2:55 PM CST
Fight your own ignorance bitch

To all you people out there who think that we need prayer in school, faith-based initiatives, and other forms of Christianity in our government (face it, references to "religion" in these topics mean "Christianity"): FUCK YOU!! Religion has NO business in our politics. Tuesday's terrorist attack is the ultimate example of what religion can do when it controls the government and the media. I still can't believe that I saw a Christian channel urging its followers and everyone watching to pray for the Holy Ghost to come down and go to these types of terrorists and show them the light and truth. THESE TERRORISTS ARE EVEN MORE RELIGIOUS THAN YOU! You can't change them with the Holy Fucking Ghost! Turn to your religions for solace and comfort, sure, but don't turn this into a religious war. If you want to do something for the world, then fight your own ignorance. Everyone is guilty of this, but only wise people know it.
-This bitch belongs to Jason Figueroa

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September 13, 2001 1:56 PM CST
No sympathy for an asshole terrorist bitch

Just wanted to say a big fuck you to all of you who said you'd let Bin Laden go on his way if you met him in person (in today's survey).
-This bitch belongs to Peter Schlosser

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September 13, 2001 1:14 PM CST
Lesbian bitch

my girlfriend is in the army. she's on a base right now. i think she is, anyway. she called me tuesday to tell me they're in lockdown and her unit was supposed to be receiving orders the next day to go to new york to dig bodies. today is our 8 month anniversary. i don't even know where my girlfriend is, if she's ok, or anything. i know she wont be able to handle digging up bodies. i hope she's ok. and i know the army wont help cuz they don't give a flying fuck about gays. so i guess i'll just sit here and wait, like everyone else.
-This bitch belongs to Sam

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September 13, 2001 2:37 AM CST
Asshole bitch

Fuck you to any reader of this page with no bitch.  Pussyfucks shouldn't be Juicy readers.  Let us hear your opinion assholes!
-This bitch belongs to Don

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September 12, 2001 11:30 PM CST
The Cycle of Bitch

I woke up yesterday afternoon, I work nights to my mother's voice, she was calling me telling me my little brother was going to New York.  He's a marine.  The Towers are down, the pentagon smashed and the US in a shambles.  An already low blood supply making things worse.  Not Panic, not fear, PAIN, and I went to work at the hospital numb and watched what I could between patients.  No anger, no vengeance, still just pain.  I come home and stumble numbly to bed.  I wake up today and I put together in my head what I see.  The irony that the President's Daddy was the last one to take us to war, The George W. is so eager for it, That two suspects are from Saudi Arabia, that the date yesterday was 9-1-1, That people in the rubble were calling 911 for help, that cell phones that had been getting such a bad rap lately suddenly were saviors, and wonder givers of last words, good byes, and clues.  So what is my bitch?  That nothing is what it seems, that life really does work in circles, and that it takes death and pain for us to stand together.
-This bitch belongs to Mel Perry

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September 12, 2001 9:41 PM CST
Going straight to Hell bitch

I expected to go to my college today and find groups of protesters or mourners or something of the sort. What was there? About 15 religious fanatics spread out along campus sending the peace loving message of "Believe in God, YOU ARE GOING TO HELL." They were screaming it and waving it on banners. Yelling at the passing students, saying our lives are worthless because we are going to school instead of believing in God. They were hostile, but they were the only ones who were doing any kind of public gathering. It saddens me that other than the token exclamation, "this is so horrible," nobody seems to actually give a damn. Teachers keep on teaching, offices keep on going. We've become such a "work-your-ass off" society that we can't even take a day to absorb this incident or even have a discussion about it in class. Certain people are upset that some things were canceled such as the baseball games. Why can't America admit that it is suffering? Just because we show a bit of mourning doesn't mean the terrorists have won, it means we suffered a large loss and are paying respect to it. This pretending that nothing happened attitude feels cold. People want to share their pain, but instead they go about business as usual. At some points of the day, as I attended to work and school, I wondered if maybe the event really didn't happen. "How can these people come to work and not even mention it?" I thought. Sure this country needs to be tough, but it should be allowed at least one day of mourning. As it is, the only thing to remind me that a tragedy happened were a bunch of megaphone wielding religious nuts telling me I am going to hell. 
-This bitch belongs to Alex's youngest brother

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September 12, 2001 6:53 PM CST
Giving in bitch

People! This is JUST what those terrorist want is for us to change our lives! Closing down all the games and events and altering how we live. WE ARE PLAYING INTO THEIR HANDS! Even the bitch board is fulled up of bitches about what happened! Can't we still bitch about things like chapped lips and Godzilla? The world didn't end! Let's not give them exactly what they want!
-This bitch belongs to Jennifer Taylor

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September 12, 2001 4:14 PM CST
So called humanity bitch

This is insane. Some guy said this race is an accident of God. And I agree. Now I question the existence of him. When I read about tragedy and holocaust, it's something out of a history book . And that's what I thought - history. I've always accepted that some nut might kill me and everything else. But not this. So what's next? War, oppression, fear, and totalitarianism? Fuck this. Fuck me. Fuck so called humanity. And most of all, fuck God for making us. 
-This bitch belongs to Taeil Kim

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September 12, 2001 2:45 PM CST
Bubbly bitch

I find Pepsi too gassy.
-This bitch belongs to E. Ridgewell

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September 12, 2001 11:48 AM CST
Crack a fat bitch

I am constantly getting pissed off over things which other people often do not even notice. I have just wasted about 15 invaluable minutes of my "poor-excuse-of-a-life" trying to think of AT LEAST one thing which really pisses me off. But to no bloody avail. I could NOT even think of one damn thing which itches my ass. And that absolutely SHITS ME.....I guess I've just found something to bitch about - Me. Well I can't be screwed typing anymore. Maybe next time I'll bitch about fat lazy sodden bastards who sweat out of their arseholes each time they crack a fat.
-This rambling bitch belongs to someone to scared to call themselves anything other than "God"

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September 12, 2001 1:02 AM CST
Empty bitch

This is the saddest day in America's history.  I am sick with grief.  I'm too empty to bitch.
-This bitch belongs to Stephen Troob

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September 11th, 2001 11:25 PM CST
Almost dead bitch

I feel like fucking shit. I just can't think of anything else. And I have never got struck by a tragedy like this... I realize it does not matter who you are... You are a person and we are all in it together. This fucking sucks, I'm not crying, or feeling something like heart burn. It feels like I'm almost dead. I feel worse realizing there might be more bloodshed, and spread of racial hatred. We might be never the same again.
-This bitch belongs to Taeil Kim

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September 11th, 2001 9:47 PM CST
Pep bitch

My school had a damn pep rally about a half an hour after the terrorist attacks started.  How retarded can you get?
-This bitch belongs to Tom Chaykun

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September 11, 2001 7:36 PM CST
Can't bitch bitch

I had a good bitch all worked up, but after what happened today, my petty concerns don't seem so damn important anymore.
-This bitch belongs to David Mann

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September 11th, 2001 6:34 PM CST
Advance bitch

I'd like to send out a bitch in advance to anyone who decides to start making jokes about what just happened today with the terrorist attacks.  There's nothing funny about it.  Nothing.
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 11th, 2001 4:43 PM CST
Pain bitch
I'd like to bitch about all the pain this terrorist attack caused because it is a lot.
-This bitch belongs to Tamara Lavoie

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September 11th, 2001 4:17 PM CST
Bible toting bitch

Ok, I know, I'm unrelentless, but I'm here to bitch about every goddamned cocksucking christian, bible toting moron I've ever met.  Yeah, sure every religion has them, but the goddamned lil' Christian bitches are the worst.  "Jesus loves you," they say "God is with you."  Yeah, well the two of them can stop loving me and being with me and can just get it on with their gay goddamn bitch selves!!
-This bitch belongs to some University of Colorado Student who didn't leave his/her name, which just pisses me off

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September 11th, 2001 11:23 AM CST
Stupid ass terrorist bitch

Now isn't this just fucking wonderful? As if we don't have enough problems in our lives, some asshole has got to wake the sleeping giant known as the US military. What kind of a goddamn retard bombs the Pentagon and LEVELS the World Trade Center with highjacked aircrafts? Not the smartest shit they ever did I bet ...
-This bitch belongs to Ty Huston

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September 11th, 2001 6:27 AM CST
Next door daughter bitch

I'm pissed that I'm never going to get to fuck the neighbors daughter. I think she's probably in college by now but I haven't seen her in months.  I see her car parked in front of her house sometimes but I think we keep drastically different hours.  Back when I actually had a job I would warm up my car to go to work right about 7:25  and she would come out to her car like clockwork at 7:30 in her tight little jeans and her stupid hooded sweatshirt which even with its bagginess still couldn't hide her fantastic tits.  Sadly, that was the high point of my day.  But no, I'll never get to. I mean really how do you meet the neighbors daughter?
-This bitch belongs to Rawhead Rex

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September 11th, 2001 2:13 AM CST
Compulsive bitch

I'd like to bitch about my compulsive spending. I get cash, and I spend it. I let people down. Nevermind the frigging businesses I owe money to, I let people down. It makes me feel like shit, and I can't stop. Plus, I bitch too much. Man. I'm a bitch.
-This bitch belongs to Bryan Schmidt (who Alex would like to remind can send any contribution he'd like to PO Box 331, Alexandria, MN 56308, to help keep the 'bellum afloat)

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September 10th, 2001 10:11 PM CST
A crush and a boner bitch

I HATE when the one that gets away comes back to rub it in, like Julie did a couple of bitches ago.  Sure, I was the one that told her not to come meet me, but did she have to take my request so bloody literally?  Can't a guy play hard to get, too?  "Jule" (that's what I called her) isn't exaggerating in her bitch when she says she had every physical attribute that I love (she's topless somewhere on this page, but I'm not going to tell you where, so don't bother asking).  It wasn't just her "boobs," either.  She's being WAY modest.  It was her entire body, her face.  It was her laugh.  It was her voice.  It was this certain way she said things, and how she always knew what to say.  It was how she'd do crazy stuff without me even asking her to, like sending me a video she taped of herself, buck naked, having phone sex with ME.  More than anything, it was how she had me feeling like a 15-year-old with a crush and a boner.  This is the first time that I've heard from her since we got into the fight over capital punishment, almost six months ago, AND IT HAS BEEN SO FUCKING HARD NOT TO CONTACT HER!  JUST WHEN I THINK I'M GETTING OVER SOMEONE, THEY POP BACK INTO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Anyway, as long as you don't mind her position (mmm . . . poooosiiiiiitiooon) on the death penalty, Julie is the perfect girl.  I hope someone worthy ends up with her.  I just hope she never tells me about it.  You wouldn't believe how many times I've ranted and raved to friends about how, "I can't believe I let her go!  Over an opinion!  Was I fucking CRAZY?!?!?"  But, what's done is done, and, well, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 10th, 2001 9:03 PM CST
The Smoking Bitch

I hate smoking.  Smokes are horrible things.  Everytime I go for one I come back thinking I've got lung cancer, emphysema, throat cancer, stomach cancer, mouth cancer and every other disease ever conceived by mankind.  But there so yum-tackular.
-This bitch belongs to Adam Middleton

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September 10th, 2001 8:22 PM CST
Turned on bitch

I was all ready to see Alex and then he turned me down all because I was in favor of the death penalty.  We ended up getting in a big fight over it and Alex said he couldn't morally be friends with someone who supported "murder" and asked me if I was able to get a refund on my ticket.  I got the refund and we never met.  We were all set to have a great time and both of us knew things were going to happen.  We had each other so turned on through email and phone that we couldn't have avoided the lustful labyrinth of sexual pleasures and temptations that were in store for us during the 5 days we planned to spend together.  I still have to give Al (that's what I called him) credit for sticking to his guns.  I had every physical attribute that he loved (my big right boob was one and my big left boob was the other) and he gave up his chance with me to uphold his value system.  I still think that's a little crazy, tho because we were good friends.  Who's frigid now, Al?  ;-)
-This bitch belongs to Julie Baxter

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September 10th, 2001 5:18 PM CST
Evy bitch

That Evy chick in the bitch below never once tried fucking me.  I'm a male, I'm not homosexual, I'm not married, I don't have a girlfriend, I don't care if she's ugly, cuz I don't judge on looks, I don't care if she doesn't really like me, cuz sex is just sex, I'm not impotent, I'm not frigid, and you can get plane tickets through priceline for like ten bucks.  Now who's the one that's "frigid" around here?  
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 10th, 2001 5:15 PM CST
Frigid bitch

It pisses me off that on today's survey only 38% of the people are willing to admit that they're horny! That's what's wrong with this world!!!! I am horny 24/7. So if I'd meet ten people this would mean that only four of them are horny. Let's say one of those people is a homosexual male or a heterosexual woman, that counts one of them out. One of them is married or has a fiancé or girl- or boyfriend that they don't want to cheat on. (that really happens, really!) Two out. One of them thinks I'm too ugly to have sex with. (You can't please everybody!). Three out! That leaves me with one person, who is willing to fuck me. But what if I really don't like him? What if he is impotent? Now I know why it's so hard to get a decent fuck: you people are all frigid!!!!
-This bitch belongs to Evy

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September 10th, 2001 2:45 PM CST
Fake bitch

I hate when people don't give me their name, leave a fake name, or ask to be anonymous, when they send me a bitch.  Especially when their bitch is as intense as the last one.  I also hate that no one has written to me about Godzilla yet, but that's a whole 'nother bitch.  
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 10th, 2001 11:04 AM CST
Cocksucking piece of shit perverted bitch

This bitch goes out to a really perverted bitch.  NAME DELETED of DELETED DELETED.  You are the most worthless cocksucking piece of SHIT CHILD-ABUSING perverted CUNT!!! You don't even deserve the title PSA teacher you fucking perverted bitchfuck!!! First you call me 'idiot', yes I was only 9and you call a 9 year old boy 'idiot' because he has trouble in math!!! FUCK YOU WHORE!! Then when I manage to do somewhat decent according to your fucking standards, you hit on me for some of your perverted stinking cunt sex you stupid molesting whore!!! I hope you go straight to hell you fucking piece of shit!!!!!!
-This bitch belongs to K.P.

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September 10th, 2001 1:51 AM CST
Bitch board your only bitch bitch

I'm pissed off knowing that is is the closest thing I'm going to get to a "Bitch" since my girlfriend left me for somebody with a straighter dick.
-This bitch belongs to Dan Givney

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September 10th, 2001 12:15 AM CST
Post-Mortem pussy bitch

In response to Augustine T's bitch about chapped lips: I feel your pain, dude. Normally, I can deal with my chapped lips, but I'm taking this fucking medication that dries 'em out faster than 80-year-old pussy, post-mortem. Stupid fucking drugs, I always get every side-effect in the book. But that's another bitch. My MAIN bitch, however, is that lip-balm can be fucking addictive. I don't have clinical tests to back this up, of course, but I know people, mostly girls, who NEED lip-balm 24/7 and suffer serious withdrawal if they don't get their vial of lip-crack. My theory is that it inhibits the lips' natural moisturization, making them 'forget' how to retain moisture.
-This bitch belongs to Max Johnson

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September 9th, 2001 10:58 PM CST
Rock Star
movie bitch

It's like bad VH1.
-This bitch belongs to Natalie Hiller

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September 9th, 2001 10:43 PM CST
Sick of not speaking Japanese bitch

I'm sick of not speaking Japanese, because all the American versions of the Godzilla movies are edited down from around 100 minutes to like 12, and the dubbing is horrid, not to mention, inaccurate.  I can order the region 2 foreign Godzilla box sets straight from Japan, but they don't have English subtitles! If I could speak Japanese, I could own these glorious discs and understand all the cheesily beautiful dialogue that doesn't translate correctly and I wouldn't have to endure that HORRIBLE lip-synching.  The only lip-synching I've seen worse than in the Godzilla movies is the stuff Britney Spears "sings" on stage.  
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell
(P.B. *Post Bitch* - If anyone can get a hold of ANY subtitled Godzilla videos, please send them to me at:  PO Box 331, Alexandria, MN 56308.  

感謝
!)

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September 9th, 2001 7:26 PM CST

Cracked and peeling bitch
Ever since I was a kid my lips have always been fucking chapped and I hate it.  It probably doesn't help that I bite them and pick them, but still, no matter how much lip balm I pile on the fuckers they are always cracking and peeling as soon as it dries out.  Even if I could get some pussy what would I do?  They would be too cracked and bleeding and hideous for me to kiss her or eat her out.  Excuse me while I put some more chapstick on.  It's mere habit now.
-This bitch belongs to Augustine T.

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September 9th, 2001 5:35 PM CST
He doesn't like me bitch

I think Alex is ignoring me, because of something he thinks I was doing, but I wasn't, and now he doesn't like me.
-This bitch belongs to Heather Lynn

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September 9th, 2001 3:54 PM CST
My girlfriend is pissing me off bitch

She's really fucking pissing me off.
-This bitch belongs to Mitch Stav

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September 9th, 2001 2:29 PM CST
Quarter bitch

i just put in 4 quarters to dry my fucking clothes, but i hit the wrong button and so i added another hour to the clothes i was already drying, instead of paying for the new load of clothes. now i dont have any more quarters. bloody hell.
-This bitch belongs to Sam

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September 9th, 2001 11:53 AM CST
My new bitch bitching about why nobody bitched bitch

Can't say I didn't warn you.  
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 9th, 2001 10:57 AM CST
The thanks to insomnia I'm up at 10:57 AM uploading bitch's about some other guy's dick bitch

If it wasn't for the hour of sleep I got from ! AM - 2 AM, this morning, I would now be on my 44th hour straight, of being awake.  That last sentence wasn't even structured properly, due to my sleep-deprived mind.  At least Daniel, down below, sent in the thing about his lopsided dick, or I'd have nothing to do but stare at recent pictures of Michael Jackson and wonder why nobody told me cadavers could dance.  If no one sends in a bitch within the next hour, I'm going to write a new bitch bitching about why nobody bitched.
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 9th, 2001 9:06 AM CST
The Leaning Tower of Pisa has nothing up on me bitch

I'm right handed and because of my dicks natural slope to the right I find it very uncomfortable when whacking off.  Luckily with my vast knowledge of Geometry and extreme patients I have learnt to use my left hand. 
-This bitch belongs to Daniel Givney

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September 9th, 2001 2:43 AM CST
The Video Music Awards bitch

Not that i really expect anything from MTV anymore, but the VMA's fucking sucked this year.  Alyiah who won't be remembered in ten years, except for the fact that she died, got a five minute tribute and Joey Ramone, who i don't even have to mention the significance of, got one measly mention from Bono. Sure it would be kinda insulting for mtv to honor a punk but so many people there were influenced by him.
-This bitch belongs to Tom Chaykun

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September 8th, 2001 9:02 PM CST

A lesser bitch
But not as much as abortion.
-This bitch belongs to Jackie Branco

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September 8th, 2001 8:59 PM CST
Being a single mom working two jobs bitch

It sucks.
-This bitch belongs to Jackie Branco

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September 8th, 2001 7:09 PM CST
A pothead's hangover bitch

bitch that pots illegal in this country so i couldnt get my hands on any last nite and i ended up drinking to party and have been barfing all day! booze makes you fat and gives you bad breath! it poisons your soul and pot cleans it! avoid booze and smoke pot! LEGALIZE IT!
-This bitch belongs to "Gare" Schroder

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September 8th, 2001 5:57 PM CST
Steven Zore is a fucking idiot, bitch

I hate people like the asshole that wrote the bitch below this one, regarding my review of The Others.  I gave the film a 7 on a scale of 1-10.  This means that I actually LIKED it.  I have always found it hysterically funny, and slightly unnerving, how defensive certain psychos like Steven Zore get if you don't agree with them on a film.  I find it incredibly strange to get a bitch about my review of a film where I essentially agreed with the person bitching's opinion.  Now I'm supposed to give everything a "10" to avoid getting hatemail?  I don't think so.  As a matter of fact, I think I'll drop my rating of The Others to a 6, being that the script sucked, even if the movie did have good atmosphere.  If this guy isn't some friend of mine sending me a prank, he definitely just joined the upcoming Juicy Cerebellum "Hall of Retards".
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 8th, 2001 1:33 PM CST
An Other Bitch

I glanced over your shitty, stupid review of The Others and I think you are a jackass. I loved The Others, and so did the audience.  In fact the audience burst into applause at the end, and for a jaded New York audience, that says something.  Your 'Big Peev' with ghost stories is that the ghosts are always the good guys...Who the hell ever said that ghosts are always evil in the first place?  That is a trite little stupid conception that you probably got from WATCHING shows like Casper in the first place where you had the 'good ghost' and the 'bad ghost'...  Let me guess, you read comics, right?  Asshole.  Go home.
-This bitch belongs to Steven Zore

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September 7th, 2001 11:02 PM CST
People bitching about my bitch board background bitch

It's wood, like a board!  A BITCH BOARD!  Not only that, it is beautiful, like my penis when semi-erect and growing.  (Would a "woody" joke be too obvious here?)
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 7th, 2001 5:20 PM CST
Annoying background bitch

Why the annoying wood-like background for the bitch board? It has nothing to do with our collective bitch. I want this bitchy background on the bitch board removed so we may bitch without a bad backdrop to our bitches.
-This bitch belongs to Hunter Clagett

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September 7th, 2001 4:44 AM CST
Wanna fuck two guys at once bitch

You know the bitch I'm going to send because you are part of it.  I bought tickets to Minnesota two times and both times you said you wouldn't meet me once you found out I had a boyfriend.  I don't think if I fucked you and was with a guy who didn't know it that it would be cheating!  It's just Ray and I told you that I am using him as nothing more than a toy!  I am my own woman!  I sent you a babe doll!  I sent you a easter basket!  I want you to acknowledge me and I want you to make love to me so bad and I don't know what I can do.  Ray doesn't need to know if we fucked!  Please talk to me again and remember how huge my titties are and how much you want them in your mouth!  I am a fat-ass but I am fun!  Do me once and I will leave you alone forever!
-This bitch belongs to Kimberly A. Tobash

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September 7th, 2001 1:17 AM CST
Girlfriend didn't call bitch

My girlfriend moved four hours away from me to go to school and I'm stuck back in 12th grade and we had a little "phonetime" (if ya know what I mean) scheduled for tonight but she didn't call at 7:00 like she said she would and now it's midnight and still no call and I called her and her roommate said she was out.  I COULD OF GONE OUT BUT I WAITED ALL NIGHT FOR HER TO FUCKING CALL ME WHO IS STUCK IN 12TH GRADE WAITING BY THE PHONE WITH MY DICK IN MY HAND!  Please don't use my name because she reads your site too and I don't want her to dump me.
-This bitch belongs to Some Cowardly Anonymous Guy

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September 6th, 2001 6:03 PM CST
Nagging bitch

School just started. All my good friends and I moved away for university...There is no American Pie type hilarity here...just the nagging realization that I'm not with my friends...Losing friends sucks more that anything that has sucked before..."That's Life" can suck my fucking balls.
-This bitch belongs to L. Marar

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September 6th, 2001 12:50 PM CST
Pig bitch

cops fucking arrested my friend last night cuz she was walking home from a bar on a street without a sidewalk, or some shit like that. fucking put her in handcuffs, didnt let her call anyone, and she spent the night in jail because she was responsible and didnt drive home. everybody, drive drunk! maybe the cops will leave you alone then, since the biggest asshole drivers i see on the road are the ones in the pig mobiles. cops dont care if you put others at risk, since they do it every fucking day.
-This bitch belongs to Sam

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September 6th, 2001 9:22 AM CST
The first bitch

This bitch will be the first to "belong" to a person that isn't Alex and that's cool to be first but I still have to bitch because the first will show up last once more people come second and third and fourth since the newest gets top spot and the oldest bottom spot!
-This bitch belongs to Marianne Yafa

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September 6th, 2001 5:17 AM CST
The "hello, little one" bitch

I hate when Ben Kenobi says, "hello, little one" to R2-D2 in Star Wars, because it sounds nerdy.
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 6th, 2001 5:16 AM CST
The "after-all" bitch

Is it "after-all" or "after all"?  That is really starting to bug me.
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 6th, 2001 5:15 AM CST
Nobody's ever awake during the cool time to be awake bitch

Everyone I know is always asleep during the only hours it's worthwhile to be awake (11 PM - 6 AM).  Maybe that's why I like those hours so much.  I guess this wasn't a "bitch," after-all.
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 6th, 2001 3:52 AM CST
Michelle Branch Bitch

Why are the last two songs on her CD boring ballads, and why is that one song named after a Screeching Weasel song, but it isn't a Screeching Weasel song?  Why does the very last song make me feel like I'm in church?  Why is there that HORRIBLE drum program on that idiotic "I'd Rather Be In Love" song?  It makes me think that I've got some bad midi running, and when I play the CD on my computer, and that drumbeat comes on, I always think that it's warning me a program is corrupt, or something.  Anyone else notice that "You Set Me Free" song sounds EXACTLY like some other song that was a hit a while ago?  I can't think of the song, but the first line in the chorus is fucking identical.  
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 6th, 2001 3:43 AM CST
Stupid Relatives Bitch

Why are my stupid relatives still corresponding with my ex-wife?  I would expect this from my ex-wife, being that she is the bitch to end all bitches, but my relatives?  And why does my aunt call my ex-wife all the way in Sweden on her birthday, but doesn't call me on my birthday?  Of course these relatives have every right to keep in contact with this empty headed twit, if they want to, but why were they keeping it a secret from me?  I would feel like kind of a backstabbing traitor talking to a person that hurt and deceived a relative as much as my ex hurt and deceived me.  I'm going to have to look in my family tree and see if the "Sandell" last name was changed from "Arnold." 
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 6th, 2001 3:37 AM CST
Picky Bitch
I have to send out a big bitch to anyone who felt the need to point out that I said "pop" in my last bitch, rather than "soda."
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 6th, 2001 3:36 AM CST
Freezer Bitch

Even cranked up to high it takes nearly two hours to get a can of pop cold.  My refrigerator is starting to give it a run for its money.
-This bitch belongs to Alex Sandell

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September 4th, 2001 3:33 PM CST
The Juicy Cerebellum bitches too much bitch

The Juicy Cerebellum is a series of bitch updates.  All you do is bitch all the time.  The page would be better if you bitched less and wrote more funny stuff like you did in the old days until about a year ago when you started bitching.  It sucks to come here for a good laugh and then get buggered by seeing you're bitching again!
-This bitch belongs to Chris Machtinger

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Submit your "bitch" now!  No bitch too trivial!  All bitches printed!

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This page is copyright ©2001 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  If you copy this, without my permission, I'm going to do a lot more than just bitch!