"A wise man makes his own decisions; an ignorant man follows public opinion."
-Chinese Proverb

I'll Take Your Job, Mr. Fame and Fortune!
(or why Princess Di was as guilty as the rest of us)

Okay, I'll start out by saying that it IS a tragedy when anyone dies, and leaves a family behind (even if they ARE gigantic idiots, who don't understand the words, "speed limit," or the initials, "DWI" or, "DUI."). Now that I've gotten that crap out of the way, let me dip your toes into a whole new pile of shit.

Everyone is talking about how the paparazzi were risking Diana's life, by trying to photograph her. No one talks about how Diana, and her companions, were risking OTHER'S lives by getting into, and remaining inside of, a car that was being driven at 120 mph, by some drunk guy with a bad haircut.

No one likes to bring up how that drunk idiot could have killed an innocent family driving home together. Where was Diana's GREAT "love," and "concern" for all the "commoners" then? I'm sure she had the ability to tell the chauffeur to slow down, pull over, and sober up.

It doesn't take a rocket-scientist to figure out how dangerous driving at speeds over 100 MPH, inside of a narrow tunnel, really is. Especially when there's a bunch of motorcycles around you, and some drunk dude behind the wheel. But, the "people's" princess didn't care about that. She cared about HER. Avoiding having her picture taken meant more to Diana than HER life, or the lives of others. Even the lives of innocent people, that may have been killed, driving beside her. Yes, avoiding getting her photo taken meant more to Diana than all those people, she was supposedly a "princess" too. It's that simple.

I am TIRED of celebrities and their cry-baby bullshit. And I am tired of the vast majority of people hero-worshipping these overpaid freaks because they lucked out in life. Diana and Dildo, or whatever her billionaire partner's name was, should have simply let their picture be taken. I think that would have been MUCH safer than driving away at 120 MPH with an inebriated French man that thinks he's 007.

She sure had NO problem having her pic taken when she was walking around, playing with landmines, or shaking an AIDS patient's hand. God forbid, though, that someone take a picture when Diana may not look like a "hero," or a hair might be out of place.

Now, even after it has come out that the driver was drunk, and speeding, the focus STILL remains on the paparazzi. Why hasn't it changed to the fact that the dork driving was trashed? I'd say it's because this has turned into the ULTIMATE opportunity for celebrities to cry about how "bad" they have it. Well, fuck them. If they don't want flashbulbs in their face, they can simply disappear from the public eye.

They don't HAVE to keep making movies. They don't HAVE to keep granting interviews, and courting the media, whenever they want to promote a project. They're famous, people want to take their picture. SO WHAT? It's in the job description. Hell, if you paid me 25 million dollars a film, I'd gladly have my picture taken. As a matter of fact, this is an open invitation from me, to ANY celebrity who hates having their privacy invaded, to trade jobs. I'll take your job, you take mine. How's that sound?

I'll deal with that "evil" paparazzi, for ya, since they're too much for your fragile egos to take. I'll take the 25 million dollars, to work a month or two, on some horrid film like, "Batman and Robin," and then donate about $200,000 of that to charity, so I can make myself look like a hero, and feel all warm and fuzzy, inside.

Actually, I have an even BETTER idea! Instead of donating any of my OWN money, maybe I'll just hold a charity auction, where I get rid of all my USED, overly-expensive clothing, that I've grown sick of, and other way-too-rich people will pay millions of dollars for it!!! Then, not only will I feel like a hero, the rich people buying my old clothing will also feel GREAT about their "contribution" to humanity, AND - it won't cost me a PENNY!!! Boy, this "rich and famous" thing is sounding better by the minute! But, somehow I doubt they'll be any celebrity takers. Hmm . . . maybe life in the spotlight isn't as bad as these multi-millionaire, self-serving creeps wanna make it sound.

What this hatred of the paparazzi is, is simply more of the God-complex many celebrities develop. They like to believe they are better than anyone else. That they are invincible. And, damnit, no one is taking THEIR picture, without THEIR permission. They're better than those lowly photographers, right? THEY should have exclusive rights to shut off, and turn on, those cameras. After thinking about it, I say we just GIVE the world over to the celebrities, and let them make ALL the rules, just so they quite whining. I wonder if they'd be happy then?

Okay, I've taken a stab at CELEBRITIES, now let me jump down the Public's throat, for a moment. Yes, us little commoners are guilty, too. We're the little whiney shits that run around in all those news snippets saying insipid, idiotic things like, "these paparazzi need to be put in jail!" "We need LAWS against these KILLERS!" And other ludicrous poop like that.

It's so easy to point fingers, isn't it? Well, why don't we point those fingers back at OURSELVES for once in our lives? Who do you think BUYS these magazines? Only a few months ago, everyone got a good 'ol laugh outta seeing Brad Pitt walking around with his little schlong flapping about. Hey, it's all in good fun, until somebody loses an eye.

Princess Di dying (wow, that sounds like some sort of warped children's poem) has shown, more than anything since the Gulf Wart (oops, did I say "wart?"), how IGNORANT humanity is. What a bunch of blind FOLLOWERS we are. How blindly we follow the media. The news (which, in this case, seems to be cutting off its nose, to spite its face) tells us "the paparazzi killed Diana," and we all go "duh . . . yeah, that's it." BUT IT ISN'T! The paparazzi was a small part of a very LARGE tragedy.

Now, we're asking for "tougher laws" on the paparazzi. Okay, fine. And what will the consequences of these requests be, Einstein? What will these "tougher laws" bring about? How about a rapid death to freedom of the press? How about celebrities having the right to beat the shit out of a couple for snapping their picture in a restaurant, and having the public cheer them (the celebrities) on? Asking for "tougher laws" on ANYTHING to do with freedoms of speech, or the press, is like asking for a one-way ticket into a real life, "1984." Get somebody else's freedoms taken away, trust me, it'll come back to you, in spades.

Why don't people THINK, instead of REACT? We don't use common sense in our actions, we use ANGER. We look for a QUICK solution. Think I'm overreacting? Maybe. But, need you be reminded, head down to Auschwitz, for a glimpse of the HORRORS humans can commit, when LARGE groups of them get "emotional" about something. Use common sense, before you lash out, kids, and the world will be a better place for all of us.

Long live freedom of speech. Amen.

-Alex Sandell

All contents of this article are 1997 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. If you copy it, without permission, I'll force you to sit through one of my celebrity auctions, once I get famous.

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