Britney's New Juicy Lover Forces Her To Eat His Shit!  News at 11!
Written by:  Hugh Flynt

Britney Spears extends a tattooed thigh, one which reads, "Alex Sandell is my Sex God," across the length of her tailor-made Juicy Cerebellum sofa, keeping one foot on her Cerebellum-adorned floor as she does so. Her white Juicy Cerebellum T-Shirt is pulled high above her head, exposing two augmented breasts with the words, "Alex made me do it" tattooed on one, and "get your milk here, Sandell," on the other.  On her stomach, it looks like a detailed graphic of Mr. Cerebellum himself, urinating into Spears' mouth, but we cannot be sure, being that the illusive Sandell has never shown his face in the online world, and wore a solid black body-condom while attending the MTV Movie Awards as Britney's date.  For this interview, Britney's silky white shorts are pulled down to her knees, and she moans as she puts a semen-pop, donated by one Mr. Sandell, inside of her dripping pussy. 

She cocks her head and smiles receptively when the pop begins melting inside of her, and mumbles, "oops, I did it again," as a large string of snotty semen clings between her warm vagina and the just released semen-sickle like warm mozzarella cheese from pizza to a hungry mouth. "Alex hates when I let them melt inside of me.  He's afraid I'll get pregnant with his kid, and being that he's the breadwinner, he's afraid of all the child-support he'll have to pay me.  Actually, I'm not even 'sposed to put the pop in without a condom, but, you know me . . . I'm a whore with an angel's smile and phony tits." 

The unlikely love-affair between the talented, cynical webmaster, Alex Sandell, of The Juicy Cerebellum and the untalented, multi-platinum, pile of crap "performer" is not as odd as it first appears.  "Alex likes big tits.  I have two of those!"  Britney burps out, over the semen-sickle that she rabidly slides into her mouth, like a fat-guy with a foot-long at the State Fair.  She then appears to count to two in her head, just to make sure.  "Yeah, I have two!  That's normal, right?" 

"Alex is a nice guy, really," Britney claims, milky white goo dripping from her lower lip, "he only gets mad if I sing, talk, or wear clothes in front of him."  The two lovebirds will appear together in a video on Playboy TV next month.  It shows the eighteen-year old singer sucking on the 28-year-old webmaster's cock, as he pulls her hair and demands that she "swallows."  The song is called, "Better Than Momma's Maple Syrup" and, at Alex's request, Britney does not sing a note, and actually has her head blown off at the end, as a punishment for her spitting, rather than guzzling, Sandell's "syrupy" treat (it's a bit of a rap, set to punk guitars and a bass solo by the deceased John Denver).  

Spears points out that she doesn't actually die in the video. "It was JUST makeup!  I'm not really dead, silly!" she says, addressing the prepubescent fans who would hunt her boyfriend down in a second, if they thought he actually murdered their hero. "I'm also wearing body makeup to cover a few zits I had on my ass and a really gross mole on my stomach, that I shave daily.  Alex didn't want me to, he said it was 'fake.'  He finally agreed, since I was willing to not sing a word in the goofy song." When asked about the controversial nature of the video, Britney says, "sure, I'm wearing Alex's dick like a pacifier, but kids wear those these days.  It's the style. Have you ever seen a girl in a thong?  I don't think this is much worse." 

Spears' left thigh is presently adorned by several small plastic discs that are wired to a neuromuscular stimulator. A strenuous boating accident, caused by Alex insisting she push the boat the entire 10 miles to the beach, after his trailer-hitch broke, caused her a few aches and pains.  "But it was all worth it for my honey!"  Britney exclaims, the last of her semen-pop devoured, all that is left is an annoying voice and a few spew-filled bubbles blowing up and popping as she speaks.  Staying home with her boat injury has its compensations: As Spears holds forth, her mom, a plastic-surgeon who has "only fucked Alex once or twice, and Alex says he didn't like it, because she wouldn't take it up the ass, like me" sits on the carpet in the wood-paneled living-room, making Britney a third set of artificial boobs. If it weren't for the Juicy Cerebellum "Reproduction in 10 Easy Steps" novel that Britney just bought her, you'd think her daughter was a vacationing college kid, not a pop sensation with a second-grade education.

At this point in the interview, Alex Sandell, The Juicy Cerebellum man himself, walks into Britney's parent's lavish house.  He throws an expensive vase across the room, and uses the shards to cut the words "Alex Rules!" into the new shag carpeting Britney's vast earnings have bought the family.  "And don't you forget it," he says, while defecating on the floor.  A shit that is quickly licked up by an all-too-eager Britney.  This may all seem abnormal in some households, but Britney's mom simply laughs, and joins in the feces-feast.  When I ask Alex for a couple of quotes for the interview, he pushes my nose in his stinky, brown mess and gives me a single quote, "eat shit," he says . . . and so I do.

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Text 2000 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  Copy this, without my permission, and I'll send you Britney's vocal tracks BEFORE they've been digitally altered, cleaned-up and distorted.  Or, you could just listen to Yoko Ono for a couple of hours.  Same difference.