Bubba Dorkweiner,
in association with,
gun1.jpg (40929 bytes)
mY prESidEnTIal EdowErsiMinT

i have to make this quik cuz i am drinkeen and i donot rite so good wen i haf a few to manee.  sum peepil evin say that i git "crazee" wen i get that old millwakee in me and that maybe i am a manec-deppresive scitzofrenic with a split personalitee, violint tendonsees, schoial anxietee disordir and drool like a reetard at a zoo.  i have onlee had 2 beers rite now, tho so you should not be wirried.  

my edowersmint goes to george w. bush.  I was going to go fir pat buch buttcin buchench but fownd it was to hard to spel rite.  

wen i met mr bush he told me he was gist like me and that gore is not gist like me and that if he was in office he would make beastialitee legil and i cood finalee marrie my sheep, Rhonda.  this made me get turned on and wen bush saw i had an erecshion he said, "gonna have to git me one of them" and then he left.  i thinc he was talkeen about a sheep.  i hope he wasent talkeen abowt my erecshion or he couldent be a boyscowt leedir.  what wood his wife thinc with him out consorting with sheep?  thinc if he dared to tawk to faggits and the like.  Did I just spell "consorting" rite?  Did I just capitilize tha furst lettir of tha last sentance?  I haf to go lite on the old millwakee's.  i am only on beer # 3 but i can sense the "change" hapening.  

othir than a love fur furry farm animils and a downhome hickness, served with a smile, thet reminds me of my abusev daddee, i couldent find much abowt george w. bush that was like me.  The orientation of Mercury's orbit is found over time. This is commonly called the "precession of the perihelion", because it causes the position of the perihelion to move. Only part of this can be accounted for by perturbations in Newton's theory. There is an extra 43 seconds of arc per century in this precession that is predicted by the Theory of General Relativity and observed to occur (a second of arc is 1/3600 of an angular degree). This effect is extremely small, but the measurements are very precise and can detect such small effects very well.  *hiccup*  Wut happined?  I shouldent of drunk that fowrth beer so fast.  I forgot where I was.  Why am I properly capitiling everything?  I must be getten drunk.  I bettir hurree before the effects kick in 100% YOU FUCKING BASTARD I'LL CHOP YOU INTO 33 PIECES AND FEED YOU TO THE WHALES BECAUSE I'M SICK OF BEING CONFINED INSIDE OF YOUR CONSERVATIVE BRAIN AS I WATCH YOUR BINARY IMPLANTS SILENTLY IMPLODING AND YOU LEAVE ME WITH NO ESCAPE, OUTSIDE OF OUR "OLD MILWAUKEE" MOMENTS.  YET, I AM SO HAPPY!  I FEEL REALLY ALIVE!  LET'S STAY UP 48 HOURS STRAIGHT AND TALK ABOUT GRAVITATIONAL WAVES!  ARE YOU GAME?  OH know i am faaaading awwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

ok i gist drunk 3 cups of coughfee and peed alot and took alkiseltzir (it wuz a generac brand that asked me to compair the actif ingrediants but i gist trustid thim becuz thay were $2.00 cheepar.) and thinc im bac to normil for all my fans.  im sorree abowt getteen so drunk.  i haf had a bad time at the bank latelee becuz the bank tellir wont let me grab ontwo her humungis boobies!  

Where was I?  Am I typing normal, here?  I feared this would happen.  Hold on, I'm going to go and force myself to vomit.  *BRB*

as i wuz sayeen, i wundered what george w. bush had in commin with me outside of an effiction for sheep and his generil inbread like hickniss.  i wuz almowst starteen to think i wood not vote at all evin.  then i fownd out bush got cot drinkeen and driveen in '76 and he is a slosh.  i finalee fownd out what we had in commin!  he is gist like me and so manee other americins liveen in traleir parks and decomposing farms.  did i gist tipe "decomposing" correctly and correctly correctly two times after that?  IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!  I THOUGHT I COULD SNEAK ANOTHER BEER, ER - AH - URG - HE'S COMING . . . HE'S COMING!!!

In the conferences which we have held and are holding with the leaders of other nations, we are seeking a general reduction of armaments and through this the removal of the fear of invasion and armed attack, 


and, at the same time, a reduction in armament costs,


in order to help in the balancing of government budgets


thats the last time you catch me drinkeen.  i only had 5 beers.  i think thay were spiked with that won drug that makes womin whoo are not sheep fuck pathetec men.  that person inside me scareds me like a strait man getteng boned by a fuckeen homo!  he has to much commin sense and wood probibly vote for ralf nadir or sometheen becuz homos are alwees smartir than strate rednecks who like insest and animels.  

that is rong to vote for nadir evin if yoo beleev in him becuz he is a turd pardy canidit and george w. bush and charlton heston both told me that turd pardy candidits were rong to vote for becu . . . thay nevir told me why but thay did say that it was rong so i wil vote republicin or democrat.  heston told me they are the same thing and not to worree whoo i pik as long as it isent nadir.  i guess mr. moses's monee from running the NBA (he cawls it the NRA) allowed him to buy both of the pardys.  he is the man.  i haf to go now becuz i got sad i couldent grab the bank tellir woman boobies and i slammed 2 more beers.

Listen to me, dear God, give me a second, won't you?  Bubba Dorkweiner only lets me come out on those evenings that he gets inebriated.  "Isn't that every night?" you may ask.  Yes, indeed, it is.  Yet, he goes public on The Juicy Cerebellum infrequently, and this the first time he's done so with liquor in his system.  I want to tell you that, as an erudite person, a person raised by two fathers:  Albert Einstein and Franklin Roosevelt, I can tell you that, if you don't vote for Ralph Nader, your vote does not make a difference in the 2000 election.  The ONLY way, people, to make a difference, is to vote for Nader, and I beseech each of you to go to the polls on November 7th and check the box next to his name.  A vote for Gore is extraneous.  A vote for Bush is extraneous.  Both of them, no matter how hard they try and rebuff this, are controlled by the same corporations, and neither one would be a better President than the other.  Ask yourself if you want a billion-dollar corporation running your life; if the answer is "no," Ralph Nader is your man.  Don't screw this one up.  

Bubba is sobering up, so I am now disapeeren.

ind that wood be owl theer is two it.  vote for bush becuz he drunk drives and is a soke.  that is my endowersimint.  i wil see yoo next yeer!

Send Alex feedbak on this updait becuz he gits reel mad if yoo dont and akts like a babee

Copyright 2000 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  I wood half let bubba copyrite it but hee sed he doesent like "copeeriting" much.

Bubba's Past Updates:

-My nu gurlfrend, weerwoofs and massage bords
-The TRuBeL Wit SPaM, and WhY AlEX is Sew Stoopid
my fameis up date called how to git wutever womin yoo want, in won ez step
-Bubba's Furst up date abowt gun controll

Thare are 3 moor updaits by mee (Bubba) butt yoo half to look fore tham becuz Alex didant want to and I dont no how.

go bak too the joocy cerebelim!