Get these cool Buffy posters before they're gone!
It feels as though I'm ending my virginity for a second time. Like so many Buffy: The Vampire Slayer fans, I can't wait to see how Joss will pull off Buffy's final farewell (tonight at 7:00 PM CST). This is the finale to the best damn seven years any show has ever spent on television (if you ignore seasons four and six). But now that the moment of truth is only hours away, I don't know if I want it to happen.
Will I feel as empty as I did when I gave my virginity up to the overweight chick with gigantic boobs? Once the post-sex "snuggling" commenced, I knew the animal-passion came too soon (not technically), and that she wasn't that "special" someone. She was a horny broad with big hooters, a fetish for Twinkies, Whoppers and Chicken McNuggets. Tonight's Series Finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer brings mixed-emotions that are only paralleled by the night I gave myself away to a virtual stranger with onion-breath and a box of semi-warm "nuggets" hidden away in her purse.
Most of this year, I rooted for my favorite show to come to an end. How many series have turned rancid by staying on one too many seasons? All in the Family, Roseanne, and Seinfeld, to name a few. I didn't want Buffy: The Vampire Slayer to go down the same road as these past classics. God-forbid our beloved Slayer buy a bar and turn into a comedic dolt. Could anyone tolerate an entire season of Buffy turning into a millionaire, only to find out that it was all a dream? And what if the show went completely Seinfeld ... er ... slapstick? Nothing fictional on television has been more important to me than Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. The only thing worse than seeing it go, would be seeing it go out on a low note.
"Go out on top, and leave the cerebral dorks wanting more." Even as a diehard fanboy, I thought that this was the best way to close the series. But I have a problem with the show heading in the direction that I prayed it would. Why? I'm a fan -- I'm a "cerebral dork" -- and I want more. After tonight, I know that "more" will never come. It doesn't matter what I want. It's over. Buffy, as I know it, is as dead as Britney Spears' career, and as cold as her relationship with Justin Timberlake.
I counted on this 60 minutes every Tuesday night. I relied on Buffy righting all of the wrongs inflicted each week. This program meant a lot to me. A fuck of a lot more than I ever thought a television show could ever mean.
The reason Buffy is leaving the airwaves is due to the fact that Sarah Michelle Gellar (AKA - Buffy Summers) wanted more time to star in countless sequels to Scooby-Doo, and maybe a few other movies, if she gets the time. Although there is no way to understand the logic behind her motives; it is possible to grasp how her poor decision potentially saved the series from an abysmal ending worthy of the crap finale we got with Northern Exposure.
With season seven as good as it has been, Buffy: The Vampire Slayer is going out on a high note. If seasons four and six were any indication, season eight woulda sucked harder than my first chubby lay (and good-gracious could she suck hard. Probably due to all of the practice she had with those BK shakes.). Talking about the show in the past-tense is as sad as watching those old people put stones on Schindler's grave at the end of Schindler's List, but talking about it negatively in the present-tense would have been worse.
Buffy: The Vampire Slayer was a show you could only get if you got it. Buffy never catered to "newbies." If you weren't there from the start, you weren't there. Unlike Avril Lavigne, the program never compromised. Although it sold itself to UPN for about 3 million an episode, it didn't turn into a saccharine product for the dieting masses to consume. The show had, and has, always been for its fans. If you weren't a follower from the beginning, you really didn't stand a chance. And if you were a follower, and a fan, you don't have a chance of getting through tonight without shedding a few tears over the death of television's brightest, wittiest and most magnificent show. It saved millions of geeks ... a lot.
Click here for my review of the season finale!
All contents of The Juicy Cerebellum are copyright 1997/1998/1999/2000/2001/2002/2003 Alex Sandell/Cerebellum Inc.. If you use any of this, without my permission, your brain, the one you keep all tidy up in that skull of yours, will be melted and turned into a fart!
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