Last chance to become an idiot
Isn't being an individual, in a nation of sheep, too much to handle? You're never rewarded for it. If anything, you get punished. "You're not like everyone else -- go sit in the corner!" Still, you keep fighting for, believing in, and - God forbid - thinking about things that most members of society shun, or at least hold back until they've gotten a few drinks in 'em. Aren't you tired of being frowned upon, just for using your brain? Haven't you ever just wanted to escape?
Well, there's a place that you can, it's called:
Gilligan's Gate, a place where you can finally open your mind, without worrying about repercussions. You can actually say what you feel, be who you want, leave the sheep behind. The only condition? You have to be just like me.
Why me? Because I said so, and that's all you need to know. Seriously, aren't you just tired of being your "own" person? Wouldn't you rather become one with the Heavens, one with the Lord, one with Me (through hours of passionate sex)? Give your brain over, and become a member of something special: the Juicy, the Son, and the Holy Gilligan. It's time to shut down your mind! Throw out your brain-cells! Make a difference - JOIN MY CULT, TODAY!
Momentum of Gilligan day will be upon us faster than you think, and this IS your last chance to join my nutty cult! The last chance that you, the forever flustered free-thinker, can become an idiot! Why not? There's never anything good on t.v., anyway.
All written material ©1997 God (or Alex Sandell, which is the name my mortal shell was given) [All Rights Reserved]. Copying this, without permission from God would be grounds for eternal damnation.