Why Censorship is Good For America
By: Charles Lee "Conservative"

First of all, I'd like to thank the overly-liberal Juicy Cerebellum for giving me this space to prove that not all conservatives are as naive as the infamous Bubba Dorkweiner. Most conservatives are deep thinking, concerned, and considerate people who care for the environment as much as your average hippie, only they don't smell quite as bad. What most conservatives aren't is people willing to close their eyes to the many problems facing our society today.

What is it causing these problems? Is it mental disease? Parents failing to properly raise a child? Or, as the liberals say, the rich "hoarding" everyone else's fair share of the wealth? No! So, what is the problem, then? If you're reading this, you're looking at it. That's right, the problem is the Internet. Before you begin doubting my credibility, and calling me lots of unfriendly names, let me explain my position.

What is the Internet (and to a lesser degree, television) full of? What's the primary reason 99% of all Americans go on the Internet (and to a lesser degree, watch television)? Pornography. Sick, twisted, glistening, sweaty, squirty, rancid pornography.

I see it like this: pornography is Satan, but the Internet is Hell. Without Hell, where would Satan go? This is why we need strict government control of the 'net. In a study that I read somewhere, they stated that pornographic material is more addictive than cocaine, heroin, gambling, and alcohol combined. That study couldn't have been more right.

As ashamed as I am to admit it, I was addicted to pornography once. I got my fix from a JCPenny catalog. When I was in the twelfth grade, the aforementioned catalog arrived. I paged through it, looking for various action-figures (my favorites being G.I. Joe) when my eyes accidentally ran across the bra section. Voluptuous models all posing, just for me. Yes, ME!

Because of this catalog, I would stay home when my parents invited me out for dinner, just so I could do lewd things to myself. This JCPornography catalog tore me away from my family. I would turn down bonding over a nice, juicy steak, all to look at women in undergarments. I couldn't help myself. I was out of control. I orgasmed in so many stockings, I ended up having to steal clean pairs from my father's dresser drawer. That's right - pornography made me STEAL from my own father!

My addiction went on for approximately three months, until the day when I looked in the mirror and saw Satan staring back. Were there red horns sticking out of his head? Were there fangs hiding under his lips? No! He was just a 19-year-old boy (I repeated the seventh grade, due to a baseball injury) with an erection in one hand and JCPornography catalog in the other.

I burned that catalog immediately, joined the local Christian youth group and refrained from viewing JCPenny smut from that point on. I am proud to say I have never seen a pornographic video, nor have I looked upon a pornographic magazine. Why, come to think of it, I've never even had sex! (Well, I accidentally bumped into a girl's breast once, during my first year of college, but I don't think that should count, since it was an accident.)

Now the Internet has taken over where JCPornography catalogs left off, and it is destroying the fine fabric of America. Children of all ages can freely access pictures of naked people. Like any drug, pornography's "high" wears off and you need more and more perversion to get the same, sick sensation. That is when these once innocent children turn toward bestiality pics, pics of people taking a pee, and many other filthy images, all readily available on the World Wide Web. It is an OUTRAGE, plain and simple.

What do you think happens to a young boy or girl, maybe 16 or 17 years old, when they look at images of bare breasts and buttocks? It destroys them . . . for life. I read in this survey, I think it might of been in Time magazine, that 99% of all males who view pornography before the tender age of 18 become serial-rapists, and 97% of all females who view pornography before that very same age become pregnant . . . with twins.

A lot of these paranoid liberals (such as the ones running this webpage) worry about their "freedoms" being taken away if the Government begins regulating the 'net. I ask you, doesn't preventing a child from seeing the butt of a naked man mean more to you than freedom of speech? Doesn't saving a child from seeing a woman's breast (including the nipple) mean more to you than losing your rights as an American? If you quit lying to yourself, and answer these questions honestly, I think you will find my views to be not so much conservative, but conservacaring.

All opinions expressed on this page are strictly those of Charles Lee "Conservative" and definitely do not represent those of The Juicy Cerebellum.

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