|"Pulling An Alex:"
Why I Still Hate The Juicy Cerebellum
Written by: Charles Lee "Conservative"
My name is Charles Lee "Conservative" (last name changed to prevent crank phone-calls from the slackers and degenerates who commonly visit this page). I have written for The Juicy Cerebellum three times prior to this article. You can read my commentary on the evils of JCPornography catalogs and why "freedom of speech" is bringing down the web, and taking the real world along with it, by clicking here. You can read the hate mail that I received in response to my thought-provoking article by clicking here. You can read my responses to some of the accolades Alex has received over this mess he calls a webpage by clicking here. There would be a lot more for you to click on, if not for the fact that Alex refused to print my "biased" articles on why Affirmative Action and Immigration are destroying the nation, why homosexuality is still a sin, why God doesn't go by what is "politically correct," and my negative responses toward his positive reviews of the pornographic "children's" film, "Babe: Pig in the City" and the scandalous liberal propaganda which called itself, "Pleasantville."
But, as Jesus said in the Bible, "Let Bygones Be Bygones" (I'm paraphrasing, obviously), and those bygones have now gone by, as reluctant as I was to let them. As a matter of fact, I feel some justice has been served by current events at this page. What comes around truly does go around, and Alex is now paying the price for his meandering excuse for an existence. This is what I am here to write about.
After my refusing to accept his collect call, Alex proceeded to use 1-800-CALL-ATT to call me time and again, using the brief seconds given to "state your name," and ask me if I would be interested in writing another article for The Juicy Cerebellum. Call # 1: "Charles, I was wondering . . ." *CLICK* Call # 2: "If you would be interested . . ." *CLICK* Call # 3: "In commenting on . . ." *CLICK* Call # 4: "F*** this is p*****g me . . ." *CLICK* Call # 5: "Off! . . ." *Click* Call # 6: "the shutting down . . ." *Click* Call # 7: "of The Juicy Cere . . ." It was here that I accepted the call. How couldn't I? Was he about to say what I thought he was? Was The Juicy Cerebellum actually over??? This was too good to be true.
After accepting his call, Alex rambled on and on, in that "mile-a-minute" way that he does, about people not "contributing," or not "buying shirts," although they reserved them, and how he was now even deeper in the hole because of false promises and misleading reservations. He said he had had enough of the lies. He claimed it wasn't about the money, and that if people hadn't of asked for the shirts in the first place, he wouldn't be "flat f****** broke" now, and he could continue the page. He was tired of "paying" for entertaining "liars" or some such thing. He would continue writing, out of the love of doing it, but not for "those people."
I nearly felt sorry for him. I don't like "those people" either. Only, my disdain for most of you people stems from different places than Alex's. I frankly don't like you because you're too much like Alex. The letters I've received from a lot of you had me so upset that I simply stopped visiting the library to read them, and let my Hotmail account automatically expire. I didn't want to hear your sinful brain-droppings any longer. They were cynical, jaded and directed toward me. Alex loved them. I feel it is poetic justice that Mr. Sandell has now been angered by the same set of people that he once claimed to trust. Maybe now he will believe me when I tell him, "never trust a liberal." They may say they're for "clean" air, raising taxes on the rich and giving the money back to the poor, or even buying a T-shirt from a guy that's entertained them for free all these years, but they are just talk. They are merely conservatives in liberal clothing (goatees included).
Am I claiming there is no such thing as a true liberal? Yes. How can I say such a thing? Because conservative politics are the politics of human nature. We instinctually want to protect our own. We want to earn what we can, even if we can earn billions. And, frankly, after working hard for what we've earned, we don't want to give any of it away, if we don't have to. Liberals use various excuses such as, "webpages are meant to be free," or, jumping "causes," "I want to help, but I can't afford to get a more environmentally safe car, and I don't have the time to ride a bike to work."
We are all busy judging one another, but conservatives do the judging in public, while a liberal does his or hers behind closed doors. We are all busy lying about our assets, simply so we don't have to give any of them away, to help out someone in need. Only conservatives lie about their assets and admit to wanting to drop taxes, even for the rich, in public, while a liberal simply bitches about paying out money to the Government behind closed doors. Getting the picture? Liberals are lying, not only to the rest of the world, but to themselves. Nobody cares, not even a "liberal." You doubt me? Then why have you promised Alex and his site, which you read on a regular basis, and claim to care about, money, and then recanted when he asked for it? Is it because the Internet is "supposed to be free?" Why did you promise you would buy a shirt (which I would like to note is both blasphemous AND pornographic), but instead ended up renting a video or, as Alex likes to mention over and over again, paying $7.00 for a film (most likely a stag)? Let me tell you why . . . because you don't really care. You might care enough to pretend that you care, or, better yet, send an encouraging email letter Alex's way, while hoping "somebody else" will actually save the site, but you don't really care, because there is no way you'd get off of your porno-pile for a minute and actually contribute. I can guarantee I've sent more money to the NRA than you have to The Juicy Cerebellum during the past year, and I'm told that I'm the "conservative" here.
Liberal. Pshaw! No such thing. Never has been, and never will be. You just call yourself that because you want to legalize marijuana and keep watching dirty movies you label as "art." All of this is for you. You want to keep those pictures of dog shows with nude dogs on the 'net simply because you like to masturbate over them, not because you believe in freedom of speech. Freedom of speech? HA! As long as that speech is written for you (and you don't have to pay anything for it). Liberal? Never. Get over yourself.
And, as for Alex, who plays himself off as the biggest "liberal" of all, complaining about this cause, whining about that one, in reality he cares no more than you. Look what happens when he doesn't get all the money he feels he "earned." He cries like a baby and refuses to write an update until he makes more cash. If he was truly liberal, wouldn't he be sitting here typing out an update, rather than me? Wouldn't he be in this for the cause, not the cash? Alex has asked for contributions so many times, I've began telling beggars I walk by to quit "pulling an Alex." "But, but, those beggars fought our wars for us." Yes, and so did those rich people who now control the supply and demand economics that are behind all the wars we're currently fighting. They may not be liberal, but they're sure not on the street feeling sorry for themselves. They're busy changing the world. Liberal? Never. Go get a clue.
I have a lot more to say, but being that Alex isn't writing for his own page until he "breaks even," I'm sure I'll have plenty more opportunities to say it. If you've read to the bottom, maybe you're starting to understand. Even an idiot can get something through his or her head if that idiot shuts up and pays attention. Liberal? No, I'm just idiotic. Conservative? No, I just have a brain.
Endnote: If there happens to be a "portrait" of me up above, I would like to mention that I did not authorize it, and objected to it being placed on this page. It looks nothing like me. My glasses are thicker.
All opinions expressed on this page are strictly those of Charles Lee "Conservative" and definitely do not represent those of The Juicy Cerebellum.
All contents are ęCopyright 1999 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. "Portrait of Charles Lee" by the magnificent Sean Simmans.
You know the routine, just click it.