The top ten cool things about the conservatives
letting the terrorists win this war
Written by: Alex Sandell
10. The expression, "I just don't know
what to say" will be a thing of the past. You no longer need to
"know," someone will tell you.
09. Swimsuit sales will skyrocket, when George W. Bush decides showering individuals are far less likely to "be explodeded" if they aren't showing their "privates."
08. The major razor manufacturer's across the country will go through an economic boom, when it's declared by the 700 club that anyone with a beard "may be Osama" (or possibly gay), and all men are forced to shave, or have their heads chopped off (especially if they're members of the ACLU).
07. Voting will be three times as easy when you only have to choose between Republican, Republican or conservative.
06. Smile . . . we're ALL on Candid Camera!
05. It turns out Freedom of Speech was overrated, and things like education and healthcare no longer matter when we have unknown terrorists in unknown parts of the world that we want to pretend we've targeted.
04. The Bangles will have a comeback when their song, "Walk Like an Egyptian" has been banned on the majority of radio stations, and becomes a black market favorite.
03. Bush will finally get his "Star Wars" crap passed, because, God knows, only a Missile Defense System could hunt down, and destroy, stray passenger planes.
02. Nobody will notice how bad Mariah's debut movie, Glitter, bombed. Anyone that does, will be asked not to use the word "bomb," because it might frighten concerned Americans. "Dud" is now the preferred word for a financial disaster at the box office. ("Disappointment" should be used in lieu of "disaster".)
01. George W. gets to pretend he's supreme ruler of the wild west, finally warranting his extensive cowboy hat collection that Laura was always whining about.
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