Archive 2

Story 1
It was about five years ago when I met her. Love at first sight, and all that happy horse shit. Spent a good deal of time trying not to look like a love sick puppy every time I talked to her. After much hemming and hawing, we started going out. Things were great. I would spend most my time either with her, or thinking of her. Top of the world, things are perfect, right? WRONG! About six months into the relationship, I get a call from here best friend. Turns out the bitch is in the hospital, getting an abortion. Wanting to know what the hell was going on, I start digging around, mostly wanting to know why she didn't bother asking me about it. (girls somehow consider it their "right" not to tell a guy that they're about to chop up his baby - editor) Turns out a while back she went to a party, got a bit drunk, and fucked some guy's brains out. It was his kid (girls also consider it their "right" not to tell a guy that they're about to chop us somebody else's baby. - editor). Well, at this point I'm about ready to kill, so I go down to her house to talk, and to find out what the hell happened. She won't come out, in fact she goes as far as calling the cops on me, and threatens to have me arrested for trespassing. All this from the woman that swore up and down she would never do anything to hurt me in any way, because she loved me just soooooooooooooo much. Well, after this, I go about my life pretending she never existed, as is the only thing I can do to refrain from ripping her head off. Well, about 3 months later, she shows up at my place. Why? She just wanted me to meet her new boyfriend, and let me know how happy she was. I have never came closer to taking another human being's life. That is until she showed up around All Hollows Eve, completely by an accidental run in, and starts trying to play her little games, and act like nothing bad had happened before. I guess she hadn't felt she inflicted enough pain in my life yet. Oh, she made sure to point out every five minutes that she was married. Later on though, on a happy note, I found out that not only is she married, her husband makes a nightly habit of slapping her around a little bit, and cheating on her with her sister. You'll forgive me if I don't start jumping up and down, screaming that wife abuse is a bad thing, in this case.

Thank you. I like a happy ending. :)

Story 2
I've been cheated on by my ex-boyfriend (he cheated on me with this girl who, for some strange reason, copied everything I did, even stole the boyfriend I was falling in love with, and says, "yeah, I still wanna be your friend," after I found out) well, now you know who with, and I'm assuming that he cheated on me with her because she wasn't 4 inches taller than he was, but STILL! That's no excuse! But, after a month of wallowing in self pity, and living on the Forrest Gump movie, Kiwi Kool-Aid, and grilled cheese sammiches, I got over it and realized I was better than both of the sorry assholes. Guess who broke up a month ago? who other than them, the lovebirds. *gag* Damn, it's kinda weird how they always come back after they break up with an ex, but I prefer a simple "Go to hell," rather than "Okay I'll take you back."
-The Llama Lady

I prefer using a gun.

Story # 3
Well, Stef and I knew each other for about two years before we started going out. Finally, this summer we decided to take the plunge. Everything was incredible. We grew to love one another dearly (so I thought). We spent almost all our time together, but still left needed space to go out with our friends (though she seemed to enjoy going out with my roommate a little too often for my comfort). A few months went by, and she had to leave for guard duty for about a month. I wasn't looking forward to this at all, but didn't worry too much, due to her consistently reaffirming her love for me. She went down to the base and found out it didn't start for another week. Instead of coming back to see me, she decided to drive to Canada with a friend to hit the bars. She did call from Canada to tell me she was ok, and how much she missed me. I thought this was all good, and she probably needed to get out of town with her friend for a good time. She stopped by on her way back to the base to say, "hi" (not a very comforting hi I might add). About two weeks went by without a simple phone call, but I assumed this was due to guard duty, and it was difficult to get to a phone (lying to myself). Then I got a few messages on the machine a bit later . . . one saying "take care, I guess" and the other telling me to say hi to my roommate (very loving indeed). She recently got back. I was on my motorcycle, enjoying the sunny day, and noticed her car was back. I hurried home to check for messages but a big 0 is all I had to see. I figured she was tired from the drive, and went to bed (lying to myself again). Day two, no call. Day three, I leave a message, no call. Day four, a message, and a note on her car saying, "I will be over to pick up my things." A call. Start talking, she told me that she has been really sick and sleeping constantly. I accept this. Then I ask how guards was. She says it was "a lot of fun," and she enjoyed having her freedom again (hint hint). Talk some more, and she doesn't seem to think she is ready for a relationship yet, but still loves me dearly (very doubtful). I go over, get my things and drop off a very expensive bottle of perfume I had purchased for her while she was gone. She says she doesn't want to break it off, but needs to slow down. I mention that if things go any slower, we might as well be broken up, and how I don't take well to being a "part time" boyfriend, and just a convenience to her and leave. That was last night, and here I sit in blissful pain. It hurts bad! Anyway, I figure this is my chance to take off without any ties, and I'm in the process of moving to Colorado. Fuck 'em all
- blue

I've always wondered that about women. They always say that a man is "never ready" to commit, yet, when it comes right down to it, it seems to always be the woman who says, "I think we need to take this relationship a little bit slower." Hmm . . .

Story # 4
Here's my Ex-files story. It's not quite as sad as yours, but still quite sad. I was going out with a girl last year. Everything seemed fine. Of course, nothing ever is. After going out for a couple months, she announced that she had had another boyfriend "on the side" since before we started going out. Of course, she gave me the usual spiel about how he means nothing to her, she'll dump him soon, so on. Of course, since I had no idea who this guy was, I didn't know whether or not she had really dumped him. But, being the naive person that I was, I trusted her. That was my mistake.

Then, a month later, I find out this guy proposed to her. Of course, she's going to turn him down, and she really will dump him this time, she promises!!!!

A month later, I find out that not only has she been going out, and having sex with, this guy for a year or so now, she has also had his baby, and is pregnant again!!!!!! "WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?" I asked her. I had seen the baby, but she was sharing a room with someone and she told me it was her roommate's. Being the stupid person that I was, I believed her when she said it wasn't her baby. Leaving all common sense behind, I fucking BELIEVED her!!

So then I killed her.
- Norfin Q. Squidmonger

So, that's how you handle these kind of situations. Hmm . . .

Story # 5
Right after I graduated high school, my best friend was dating this wily little psycho beast named Jennifer. My friend, after getting bored over her inability to put out, dropped her and took off for the navy. I guess she wasn't quite over it (I think the word is "obsessed"), because she then hatched a diabolical plot to get him back. Her main weapon was going to be me. After he left, she cuddled up to me, and I, like a sucker, fell for her. After we had been together for a bit, she began telling me all sorts of horrible things that my friend had done to her, like taking advantage of her while she was on some medication, getting her pregnant (she supposedly miscarried), not to mention lying, cheating and stealing from her. (Her name wouldn't happen to be "Danielle," would it? - editor) Being the fine, upstanding, morally conscious, young man I was, I became enraged at how my friend had treated her.

I began setting up the eventual destruction of his life, all the while being told that "I'm over him, I love only you, etc..." crap by that fucking cunt. My friend finally called me three months into this, and I found out he hadn't even slept with her! She lied the whole fucking time, trying to use me to get him back with her! And then she acted like the whole thing was MY fault!

But I got revenge.

How? It requires A LOT of free time and some creative friends. First, continually break into her car. Don't take anything, but adjust the seats and mirrors. Leave a little smiley note on the seat. When she's gone, break into her house, rearrange her furniture, eat her food, etc. Find out where she is going to be. Show up, just long enough for her to notice that you're there, and then disappear. Do this for as long as possible. Pretty soon she'll get real paranoid and start to lose it. It's awful fun to watch.

Can I assume her manipulative ways took the "fine, upstanding, morally conscious, young man" out of you?

Story # 6
So I date Lisa for 3 months, and she tells me she loves me from the bottom of her heart (this right before I leave for school 600 miles away), but I felt the same way. We decided a long distance relationship would work, considering we had the means to see each other on a monthly basis. Six month anniversary.....everything's perfect. One year...GREAT!! After 15 beautiful, happy months, I ask her to marry me (naturally, with a fat, 2 carrot ring). I get the big "YES!" All this time I had still been away at school. 3 months after our engagement, I went home for a weekend to surprise her.

Never in a million years would I have thought I'd be one of those who caught their girl in the act, but I would soon find out I was. After knocking, I was met at the door by her roommate, who, in a panic, was throwing out some wild lies about my fiancée being "extremely ill" and, "unable to talk." (Why is it that women always stick together? Even when they know what they're sticking to is shit? Maybe it's like dogs smelling each other's rectums, once they've seen a friend getting off on a good whiff, they all wanna do it, so they protect each other, "just in case." - editor)

I had talked to her the day before on the phone, she was healthy as ever. I wasn't interested in seeing what I knew was going on, so I just said I'd stop by later to check on her. Meanwhile, driven from pure madness and rage, I decide to stalk a little, and see who exits her house, (and her, for that matter.)

Wouldn't you know it, my best friend from high school came out the back door 15 minutes later (he didn't have to go away to school). It took all I had not to kill the both of them, or at least severely injure them. I played it cool though, and went into her house (without knocking this time), as she was showering. A perfect time to retrieve the $4000 ring that sealed our lives together. I didn't yell, I didn't talk - I just took the ring and told her to go marry Mark (my old best friend). I never called or confronted Mark, I just threw a bag full of dog shit all over his car.

That's not all, though . . . 2 months later I was told by another friend that he knocked her up. They are together, and I am ALONE! Is that fucked up, or what?
- $4000 richer

Well, at least you know she's fertile.

Story # 7
I had been seeing this guy for about two months. We finally has sex on our anniversary and then, no less than one hour later, he broke off our relationship. Then he had to nerve to try to get me to sleep with him again for weeks afterward. He tried telling me he still loved me, but wasn't ready for a steady relationship.
- Tink the Crack Fairy

That really surprises me. I had heard that the two-month anniversary was thee time to consummate a relationship.

Story # 8
I started seeing this girl when I was 17, she was the same age. At the time, she was being completely overlooked by men, because she was a rather dull looking redhead. We worked at the same company for a while and started going out after a few months; many of the things we did together were firsts, and so she had a special place in my heart. She matured over the next couple of years into a beautiful girl who I could rely on - really happy times.

After 7 years, and a whole lot of incredible times (the sort of things that make memories - e.g. buying our first car, moving into our first house, changing jobs, sharing experiences, making friends and enemies) she went away for the weekend with some girlfriends, because one of them was getting married. During this weekend the filthy whore got smashed in a bar and fucked this fellow in an alley. When she returned, she went straight home to her parents and telephoned me to say that was that, she was off to see the life that she missed during all the time wasted with me. I never saw her, talked to her, or heard from her again, despite desperately trying.

My whole life gone instantly; everything I did for her gone . . . Even now, three years later, I feel that I would kill her with my bare hands.
- anonymous

Just get really drunk first, and blame it on the alcohol - I'm sure she did.

Story # 9

(Editor's note:  I'm sorry about the odd text sizes in story # 9.  I made the HORRID mistake of downloading the BUG-FILLED "Front Page Explorer '98," and this is what it did to my page.  Blame Bill Gates, I do.)

Here's a sad tale that spans a total of NINE YEARS - can you beat that? Or does that indicate how much of a sucker I am? It all started back in FRESHMAN year of HIGH SCHOOL (1987) - her name was Heather, and we met in English class. We were also in Drama Club together, and wound up accumulating the same group of friends. We started dating almost right off the bat, and she converted me to fundamentalist Christianity three months later (I told you, this is a good one). One month after that, she dumped me because, of being (allegedly) stressed out over MID-TERMS.

So we were bitter enemies all through sophomore year, and suddenly hooked back up during the summer before our junior year. We  dated throughout our junior and senior years, and lost our virginity together three months before graduation. After graduation (1991), she moved to Pennsylvania (we were originally from Michigan). We stayed together for about a year, and then she broke up with me (again). She started dating her next-door neighbor in Philadelphia, and eventually got engaged to him (Sean was his name, and he's a chef for Christ's sake - what a waste of a life: he makes fancy shit for a living).

So one day last year, after she had graduated from Temple University (and I was finishing up myself at the University of Michigan), she called my house and left a message on my parents' answering machine, saying that she had moved to Nogales, Arizona and taken a position teaching English at a high school there. I wrote her number down but didn't call her. Eventually, I threw her number out.

She called me back a week later, and I made the mistake of answering the phone. I was stuck - I had to talk to her! We chatted and I was surprisingly nice to her, and eventually she suggested that I come out to visit her in Arizona. I said, "well, I'd love to come visit you, but I don't want to come visit you and your fiancée." She said, "I don't have a fiancée anymore." I said, "I'll be right there." We  hooked up immediately and began dating in October of 1996. We were able to get together often, since Heather had many, many cousins who seemed to get married one right after another, and they all lived in Michigan. I graduated from U of M in December, and began looking for jobs in the Boston area in January of '97. I went out to see her in March, and then moved to Boston the week after.  

Not one week after I had moved to Boston, she called me up and said, "Sean and I are getting back together." That was it. She chose the point at my life when I was at my lowest - I had just moved to a strange place where I didn't know anyone, had a shitty little job, and thought of nothing but her. Then she calls me up and tells me this. Not only that, but they've made plans to have Sean move out there to Arizona with her, and he did just that on June 1st.

Whatever. If I ever see her again, I will not hesitate to slap her silly.
-I forgot to put your name

Then she'll just sue you for harassment, get you thrown in jail, and go fuck over some other guy.  I'd recommend hiring a hitman.  Not to mention, if you get the chance, could you kill Bill Gates, for me? 

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