By this point, anyone that has spent more than 30 seconds at "The Juicy Cerebellum" will know that my fiancée isn't the most honest, caring person around. Actually, it was her sheer heartlessness that had me wondering, "is there actually others out there like this?" So, I asked any of you who wanted to get it off your chest, to send in your stories of heartbreak, and deception. Well, those stories have started coming in, and they've answered my question with a resounding "yes, there are others out there that are (almost) as bad." So here, ladies and gentlemen, is

Story # 19
here's a story about my ex, whose name is The Slut (why is everyone's ex called "The Slut?" Isn't there any ex's out there with normal names, like "Sandy," or "Bill?" How do you ever introduce these people to others? "Hello, Rick, this is my friend, The Slut. The Slut, this is my other friend with the normal name, Rick. He won't cheat on you, cuz his name's not The Slut." - editor). About 3 years after we broke up (badly), her best friend happens to casually tell my flatmate that The Slut was fucking "heaps" of guys when she was going out with this guy called "Andrew." She then acts really shocked and pretends that she didn't know he knew me. I don't know (or care) whether the story is true or not, although as she is demonstrably female, that does suggest she is lying. However either way it tells me how stupid The Slut is, because: 1) She thinks anyone would fail to see through such a transparently contrived stunt, 2) She thinks I would give a fuck about anything she did 3 years after I last spoke to her, 3) She thinks that story could make me think any less of her than I already did, and 4) What sort of idiot spreads a story about THEMSELVES that they are the town whore?
-Andrew

I have no idea what that all means. Next . . .

Story # 20
I met him through a friend at a Marilyn Manson concert . . .

NEEEEEEEEEEXT!

Story # 21
i had this girl we went out for a year an a half...fun fun fun...and then death death death.

we meet..she is a lot more experienced than me (In the art of capitalization? - editor).

she say she has SOO much confidence in herself. she has a very strong mind..yet
she lets a lot of shit happen to her.

here are the things i hear
   1.  she has, for no point...danced drunk and topless at a party (Maybe cuz she was drunk? - editor).
   2.  when she went out with her ex before me she had sex at an amusement park,
graveyard, and a church...how nice.
   3.  got drunk..and slept with her boyfriend, went to a party and got more
drunk and slept with a guy she didn't even know. (Maybe she's just a full-blown alcoholic, that gets extremely horny when she drinks. On a completely unrelated note, I have this 12-pack of Bud I've been looking to get rid of, so, if she's ever thirsty, and in the neighborhood . . . - editor)
  4.  lost her virginity at age 12 to a guy she had only been going out with
for 2 days. (12?!? My ex only waited 'til 7.)

*I* accept all this..sure, had nightmares throughout our relationship...but of course...we are different...she has grown...we are together..right? WRONG! (That's fortunate, otherwise you wouldn't have made it into the EX-Files - that Alex guy that keeps calling himself "editor," for some unknown reason) ok a year goes by...then all these little things pop up...she breaks up with me...and goes out with her ex who had repeatedly cheated on her in the past...why? damned if i know (It's a woman thing - editor)...

i take her out to see a movie.when we are broken up. i pay cuz i feel it is
right for a man to pay for any woman going out or not (have you sought help? - editor)
...and she yells at me "why are you paying for me? i am not your girlfriend anymore..you are
pathetic" hold up hon!  i remember when we were going out and your ex wanted
to take you out and apologize and he not only paid for dinner and cigarettes,
but you complimented him on how nice it was for him to do that for you...and i am
paying for this and you bitch at me??

then she goes around and tells girls i like not to go out with me...thanks!
oh well...i say...and get this...i set a day <before she started going out
with her ex> that we would sit down and watch a movie...as friends...and she
doesn't show up...i call and call...no one home (No offense, but if you have a dictionary lying around, I've got a piece of advice that would have saved me a lot of heartbreak, it's under the letter "H," and the word is "hint." Read the definition, then take one. - editor)
-Sam

Two things: A.) that girl sounds like she's really sexually-adventurous, and as far from modest as you can come. B.) How can I meet her?

Story # 22
I had been dating this girl all throughout my junior year of high school. We began dating in September after her birthday because her parents said she couldn't date 'til she was seventeen (odd ass age) (I know a girl who's 19, and her parents won't even let her say the word "butt," much less date - Editor Al).  So I had been waiting to date her since we first met at the beginning of the summer, ever faithful and patient (Like the dirty little lapdog you are - Me)

The time arrives and I can finally date her.  I took her out every weekend and spent countless numbers of dollars on her and of course all I asked for in return was her love, affection, and a little hot nooky. (That's not that much to ask is it??) (As long as no chipmunks were involved - Alex, err . . . editor)

7 months pass and prom season arrives (is that the time when people are allowed to hunt down annoying drunk kids in prom uniforms? - Editor).  The thought of a high school prom makes me ill now, but at a young 17 years old I was entranced by the idea of riding in a limo, renting a tux, and eating at the fanciest restaurant in this god forsaken town. 

Imagine a party after the prom. It's one o' clock in the morning and I'm sitting there, a little tipsy and playing everyone's favorite drawing game "Pictionary".  Slut (There's that name again - Myself) comes up to me and says, "We need to talk." I thought she was just gonna take me into another room and THANK me for the wonderful night.

Little did I know that after seven months of dating, without a single fight, that she would say two mind numbing words, "We're through."  After this swift kick to the groin, dazed in a drunken confusion, I began to react like any rational intoxicated male would.....I fell on the floor and began to cry like a baby.  She left the party and I drank myself unconscious. 
-Brian

Sounds like you took it well.

READ STORIES 10-18 in the "EX-Files Archives 1," read 1-9 in "EX-Files Archive 2!" 

Click here, and here, to read my "ex-files" stories.

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