Yes, fame really does go to your head. Ever since I was printed in the November 28th issue (#407) of Entertainment Weekly, I've found myself doing unusual things like waiting two hours after I get up, before falling into my daily mess of despair. I've been typing updates for The Juicy Cerebellum in this really ugly, "Arial Black" font, just because I can. I'm not going to kid myself, it's the fame.
I thought I could handle the rush, when the first email came pouring in, in regards to my letter. But now, after receiving three emails featuring ego-boosting comments like "good point," how could it not go to my head, a little bit?
"So," you're probably asking, "are you ever going to shut the fuck up and tell us what the letter's about?" My answer is . . . "yes, I think that I will, when I get around to it. Bwah-ha-ha! I HAVE THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL!!!"
Here's a picture of the issue my
letter was prominently featured in:
When you buy it at the store, it's a little bigger. The multiple copies are to represent how many I have already had to sign for adoring fans like my mom and stuff. Isn't it weird how it makes the line I typed above it appear to be crooked? That's an optical illusion. Some would say, "a special effect from the Lord." Sort of like "Where's Waldo," only not really like that very much.
Now, let's cut to the chase (that's what famous people say). My letter took my battle with the current, rotten season of "Seinfield" to epic new heights. My letter took it there, and last week, after the issue came out, Jerry announced this season may be the last. The battle with Seinfeld has a victor, and that victor is me. Now I should start a record label or something. "Victor Records?" Hmm . . . I think that's already been done.
So, since you're sick of me rambling on long enough to make this seem like an official update, here's the letter that was printed in Entertainment Weekly # 407, just the way it appeared.:
Back when its creators were
ligently) considering whether to end Seinfeld
with its seventh season,
Jerry used to say that
keeping the show on past
its welcome would be like
staying at a party too
late. At a party, you don't
want to leave too early,
but you definitely don't
want to be the last one to
leave. Without Jerry
noticing, Seinfeld has now
turned into that last guest
at the party.
Entertainment Weekly, being the editing Gods that they are, cut off the last sentence of my letter, which read: "Too drunk to come up with anything new, funny, or creative, and not realizing its hosts are just listening out of some sort of odd fascination, and they really just want him to leave." But, I guess their way was less depressing, and stuff. Still, it didn't have that rambling, Juicy quality, but I guess that's their point. Do I ramble? It doesn't seem like I ramble. I wonder if the word "ramble" came out of the word preamble. That reminds me of that movie guy that John Grisham guy that doesn't make movies, but pretends he does. Really other directors just direct his books. I haven't ever read one, but they sell like HUNDREDS of copies. Maybe even a THOUSAND! But about that rambling thing. "As if." I do NOT ramble. Case closed. (Get it? "Case closed," and I was talking about legal thrillers, and stuff. That's pretty funny.)
Go back to the table of brains and read more of my famous work