10/25/06
Jeffrey Skilling Got Off Easy!
10/02/06
They Own You (No, Really)
4/25/06
Microsoft is fucked. Today is a "happy
thought" update!
1/27/06
Microsoft introduces world's first $399.99
paperweight! Confident it will be a "huge" success. Click
for full story!
9/05/05
The VCR is Dead, Long Live
the VCR!
12/01/04
Bullshit Bush
Economy Hits Poor Hard, Hurts Wal-Mart (every cloud has its silver lining)!
11/03/04
Terrorists in Business Suits 2: The Second
Coming!
11/02/04
The most
controversial update ever. I'm going to Hell!
1/31/04
The State of the Media Union! "Media
consumers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your brains."
1/21/04
The Sunday School of the Union Address: The Lines You Didn't Get to Hear in the
State of the Union Address! Just
when you thought I had gone and turned apolitical...
9/9/03
THE BIGGEST BULLSHIT QUOTE
SINCE BUSH CALLED HIMSELF A "COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVE" added today!
7/18/03
You Know Your
Favorite Company Turned Multi-National When ... Super fun and super
funny! Bush-bashing, corporate-smashing! Don't miss this update!
7/14/03
The Day Nike Took Over
the World: Counter-Culture for Sale!
7/11/03
Blame God: It's All
His Fault!
6/27/03
Tilting Democrats in
the Presidential Race! "Thanks, suckers."
4/25/03
Media Nix -- From Blix to Kucinich to Dixie Chicks!
4/7/03
The Juicy Cerebellum sets its sites on Target
Iraq!
10/27/02
WELLSTONE! 1944-2002
"I don't represent the big oil companies.
I don't represent the Enrons of this world. But you know what? They
already have great representation in Washington. It's the rest of the
people that need it."
9/9/02
Terrorists in Business
Suits. If you shy away from controversy, it's time to shy away!
9/2/02
What If We Didn't Need Labor Day? This is one of
the best updates ever put on this page, so take a minute and read it!
7/1/02
A Creeping Indifference
and a Silent Hollowing Out by Norman Solomon!
5/6/02
From Barbie to
Botox! "Endless
media messages convey the stubborn presumption that women can never be good
enough, but should live and buy -- and ultimately die -- trying."
4/15/02
NPR and the Fallow Triumph of Public Radio!
"Boosted by the bipartisan
telecommunications 'reform' law of 1996, just a few conglomerates now own
several thousand stations nationwide between them." So, where's our
"public" alternative?
3/19/02
Television
Becoming Spoof-Proof! The
future of TV is now . . . and it sucks!
2/25/02
New
Media Heights for a Remarkable Pundit.
More proof that the "liberal" media is a conservative myth!
2/18/02
When
Nothing But a Full-Page Ad Will Do!
1/8/02
Selling
McCrack to Kids: The U.S. Government, Fast Food and Your Premature Death (You
can't smile when you're dead)
This is the most important update ever added to this page! YOUR life may
depend on it!
11/22/01
The
Top 11 Things George W. Has To Be Thankful About This Thanksgiving!
10/12/01
Alex Asks Osama
bin Laden About The Brady Bunch (and wonders what a dick's for)!
9/13/01
Better Ask The U.S. How To Make A Monster
Part One. This update could piss dumb people off!
8/17/01
Creating
a Class War Without Ever Leaving Your Home: Altering America through an armchair
revolution!
8/2/01
PREMATURE
EVACUATION: A CALL TO IMPEACH RESIDENT BUSH added today!
7/4/01
Fourth
of July 2001: Burning the Flag, and other fun stuff!
6/6/01
Sifting Through the Elephant Shit:
What the Republicans REALLY Mean! I've deciphered their
language, at last! You will be surprised at what you read!
6/2/01
Five
Days From Sober.
About the most hopeless thing I've ever fucking put on paper. Enjoy!
3/26/01
We're Not Worthy: The 73rd Annual Academy
Awards. In-Your-Mother-Fucking-Face coverage!
Hollywood will hate me!
2/12/01
The
Gore War: The War on Gore!
What do Al Gore, Joseph Lieberman, George W. Bush, rich corporations and
bloodthirsty cannibals have to do with each other? Find out in this
update! Also, find out how you can win a REALLY cool prize!
1/25/01
You
Can Run But You Can't Hide (From AOL-Time Warner).
The most anti-corporate of ALL my anti-corporate articles (if that is actually
possible)!
1/19/01
MasterCard
Goes Juicy: And Alex goes nuts and writes a totally unrelated update
about it!
1/12/01
Spray of the Day # 8: Totally Juicy News!
A brand new section! So much stuff that you'll have to read it to believe
it! I might be moving in with you! Really, read on . . .
1/9/01
Spray of the Day # 7: Totally Juicy News!
A bunch of junk to piss people off!
1/03/01 -Spray
of the Day # 6: Totally Juicy News! Bush prepares to tear
apart economy. Hillary gets gas. Microsoft accused of
being racist. Sariel ticks me off.
12/29/01
- Spray of the Day # 5: Totally Juicy
News! Tons of stuff you MUST read, if you give even 1.3% of
a shit about this world! Ben Sandell, my youngest brother,
added today as the SCIENCE correspondent!
12/27/00
12/27/00
- Spray of the
Day # 4: Totally Juicy News! Did James Bond father
Austin Powers? Is George W. Bush a living corporation? Has
anyone bashed Bush more than I do in today's update? Find out!
12/22/00
Spray of the Day # 3:
Totally Juicy
News!
Intern sex for everyone, Republicans plan to waste
shitload of money, big Jersey polluter to head Environmental
Protection Agency, everyone laughing at Ron Howard, Bill Clinton's
erection to save Israel, FDA discovers doctors are dumb, and tons of
other stuff!
12/21/00
Spray of the Day # 2:
Totally Juicy
News! LOTS of corporate bashing, some stuff on MAPS, Harry
Potter sues, an article by the first REGULAR writer to the page that
isn't me, mad elk, and funny stuff to make you laugh.
12/8/00
What
I REALLY want for my birthday is ...
11/10/00
How
to Pick a Juicy President # 1
Much
like anyone else, I predicted that snobby Gore and
boring Bush could never get this "President" thing right. In
response, The Juicy Cerebellum will spend EVERY DAY, until
one of the dorks are elected, telling
the two morons how they could settle it.
11/07/00
Totally
Juicy Election 2000!
10/18/00
A Vote
for Gore is a Vote for Tyranny! (And I Can Prove It!)
8/18/00
Alex
Sandell for President Presents: Gore Goes Juicy: The Juicy Cerebellum Takes on Campaign 2000
7/31/00
Class
War 2000: The Sleeping Giant Awakens
We're gonna win this one!
5/18/00
McSpider . . . Just when you thought it was safe to
go back into McDonald's!
2/16/00
The Great Disney Monopoly:
Does Walt have Oscar wrapped around his little finger? Scandal or
coincidence? You make the call!
1/20/00
"The Day I Was Blacklisted!"
This honestly may be the last update ever added to The Juicy Cerebellum.
Find out who to blame it on by clicking now!
1/11/00
You've Got Bought: The day Daffy
Duck took over the world!
12/30/99
"Broken 2000: 100
Reasons Why We STILL Suck!" It's the last Juicy Cerebellum update
of the century, so you had better enjoy it!
10/14/99 The Many Faces of a Wanna-be Hero!
Where have all the heroes gone?
5/18/99 "How to Defeat a Corporation in 23 Easy Steps"
5/14/99 "The Juice
On Lucas: An Interview with George Lucas" Lucas humps a plastic
Ewok!
11/9/98 Wages
Dropping! The Incredible Story of Wal-Mart and its Beloved Country!
8/17/98 The GeoShitties World Excuse Report Volume 2, Number 1
8/7/98 God Bless
America (and then let us buy some more)
6/24/98 The GeoShitties World Excuse Report Vol. 1, No. 1
5/28/98 The Trouble
With GeoCities. Guess who can't understand the words "First Amendment"?
2/9/98 With catch-phrases like "did
somebody say McDonald's?," and "Just Do It," it's hard to believe, but
there really are Slogans that even the corporations
rejected!
1/7/98 Ever had a homepage on GeoCities?
Sadly, I did. Happily, I lived to tell about it in the hotly-anticipated (hey,
over-dramatizing worked for "Titanic") "Why
GeoShitties Sucks" update!
10/28/97 It's
idiocy Vs. GREED, when Bubba interviews some rich guy from Wal-Mart!
10/21/97 If Microsoft were actually honest. Press release number
one.
All text on this page ©1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Using it without permission will give you seven years bad luck AND, a splitting headache.
You can send me
and photos of naked people to:
alex@juicycerebellum.com