10/29/06 Internet Explorer 7.0 vs. Mozilla Firefox 2.0 (Or: Why Microsoft Will Never Beat Any Company That They Don't Purchase)!

10/25/06 Jeffrey Skilling Got Off Easy!

10/02/06 They Own You (No, Really)

4/25/06 Microsoft is fucked.  Today is a "happy thought" update!

1/27/06 Microsoft introduces world's first $399.99 paperweight! Confident it will be a "huge" success. Click for full story!

9/05/05 The VCR is Dead, Long Live the VCR!

12/01/04 Bullshit Bush Economy Hits Poor Hard, Hurts Wal-Mart (every cloud has its silver lining)!

11/03/04 Terrorists in Business Suits 2:  The Second Coming!

11/02/04 The most controversial update ever.  I'm going to Hell!

1/31/04 The State of the Media Union! "Media consumers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your brains."

1/21/04 The Sunday School of the Union Address: The Lines You Didn't Get to Hear in the State of the Union Address! Just when you thought I had gone and turned apolitical...


7/18/03 You Know Your Favorite Company Turned Multi-National When ...  Super fun and super funny!  Bush-bashing, corporate-smashing!  Don't miss this update!

7/14/03 The Day Nike Took Over the World:  Counter-Culture for Sale!

7/11/03 Blame God: It's All His Fault!

6/27/03 Tilting Democrats in the Presidential Race!  "Thanks, suckers."

4/25/03 Media Nix -- From Blix to Kucinich to Dixie Chicks!

4/7/03 The Juicy Cerebellum sets its sites on Target Iraq!

10/27/02 WELLSTONE! 1944-2002 "I don't represent the big oil companies.  I don't represent the Enrons of this world.  But you know what?  They already have great representation in Washington.  It's the rest of the people that need it."

9/9/02 Terrorists in Business Suits.  If you shy away from controversy, it's time to shy away!

9/2/02 What If We Didn't Need Labor Day? This is one of the best updates ever put on this page, so take a minute and read it!

8/24/02 Freedom of Speech takes another blow at the hands of The Catholic League and the United States Government!

7/1/02 A Creeping Indifference and a Silent Hollowing Out by Norman Solomon!

5/6/02 From Barbie to Botox!  "Endless media messages convey the stubborn presumption that women can never be good enough, but should live and buy -- and ultimately die -- trying."

4/15/02 NPR and the Fallow Triumph of Public Radio"Boosted by the bipartisan telecommunications 'reform' law of 1996, just a few conglomerates now own several thousand stations nationwide between them."  So, where's our "public" alternative?

3/19/02 Television Becoming Spoof-Proof!  The future of TV is now . . . and it sucks!  

2/25/02 New Media Heights for a Remarkable Pundit.  More proof that the "liberal" media is a conservative myth!

2/18/02 When Nothing But a Full-Page Ad Will Do!

1/8/02 Selling McCrack to Kids: The U.S. Government, Fast Food and Your Premature Death (You can't smile when you're dead) This is the most important update ever added to this page!  YOUR life may depend on it!

11/22/01 The Top 11 Things George W. Has To Be Thankful About This Thanksgiving!

10/12/01 Alex Asks Osama bin Laden About The Brady Bunch (and wonders what a dick's for)!

9/13/01 Better Ask The U.S. How To Make A Monster Part One.  This update could piss dumb people off!

8/17/01 Creating a Class War Without Ever Leaving Your Home: Altering America through an armchair revolution!


7/4/01  Fourth of July 2001:  Burning the Flag, and other fun stuff!

6/6/01  Sifting Through the Elephant Shit:  What the Republicans REALLY Mean!  I've deciphered their language, at last!  You will be surprised at what you read!

6/2/01 Five Days From Sober.  About the most hopeless thing I've ever fucking put on paper.  Enjoy!

3/26/01 We're Not Worthy:  The 73rd Annual Academy Awards.  In-Your-Mother-Fucking-Face coverage!  Hollywood will hate me!

2/12/01 The Gore War:  The War on Gore!  What do Al Gore, Joseph Lieberman, George W. Bush, rich corporations and bloodthirsty cannibals have to do with each other? Find out in this update!  Also, find out how you can win a REALLY cool prize!

1/25/01 You Can Run But You Can't Hide (From AOL-Time Warner).  The most anti-corporate of ALL my anti-corporate articles (if that is actually possible)!

1/19/01 MasterCard Goes Juicy: And Alex goes nuts and writes a totally unrelated update about it!

1/12/01 Spray of the Day # 8: Totally Juicy News!  A brand new section!  So much stuff that you'll have to read it to believe it! I might be moving in with you!  Really, read on . . . 

1/9/01 Spray of the Day # 7: Totally Juicy News!  A bunch of junk to piss people off!

1/03/01 -Spray of the Day # 6:  Totally Juicy News! Bush prepares to tear apart economy.  Hillary gets gas.  Microsoft accused of being racist.  Sariel ticks me off.

12/29/01 - Spray of the Day # 5:  Totally Juicy News! Tons of stuff you MUST read, if you give even 1.3% of a shit about this world!  Ben Sandell, my youngest brother, added today as the SCIENCE correspondent!  

12/27/00 12/27/00 - Spray of the Day # 4:  Totally Juicy News! Did James Bond father Austin Powers? Is George W. Bush a living corporation?  Has anyone bashed Bush more than I do in today's update?  Find out! 

12/22/00 Spray of the Day # 3:  Totally Juicy News!  Intern sex for everyone, Republicans plan to waste shitload of money, big Jersey polluter to head Environmental Protection Agency, everyone laughing at Ron Howard, Bill Clinton's erection to save Israel, FDA discovers doctors are dumb, and tons of other stuff!

12/21/00 Spray of the Day # 2:  Totally Juicy News! LOTS of corporate bashing, some stuff on MAPS, Harry Potter sues, an article by the first REGULAR writer to the page that isn't me, mad elk, and funny stuff to make you laugh.

12/8/00 What I REALLY want for my birthday is ...

11/10/00 How to Pick a Juicy President # 1 Much like anyone else, I predicted that snobby Gore and boring Bush could never get this "President" thing right.  In response, The Juicy Cerebellum will spend EVERY DAY, until one of the dorks are elected, telling the two morons how they could settle it. 

11/07/00 Totally Juicy Election 2000!

10/18/00 A Vote for Gore is a Vote for Tyranny! (And I Can Prove It!)

8/18/00 Alex Sandell for President Presents:  Gore Goes JuicyThe Juicy Cerebellum Takes on Campaign 2000

7/31/00 Class War 2000:  The Sleeping Giant Awakens  We're gonna win this one!

5/18/00 McSpider . . . Just when you thought it was safe to go back into McDonald's!

2/16/00 The Great Disney Monopoly:  Does Walt have Oscar wrapped around his little finger? Scandal or coincidence?  You make the call!

1/20/00 "The Day I Was Blacklisted!"  This honestly may be the last update ever added to The Juicy Cerebellum.  Find out who to blame it on by clicking now!

1/11/00 You've Got Bought:  The day Daffy Duck took over the world!

12/30/99 "Broken 2000:  100 Reasons Why We STILL Suck!"  It's the last Juicy Cerebellum update of the century, so you had better enjoy it!

10/14/99 The Many Faces of a Wanna-be Hero!  Where have all the heroes gone?

5/18/99 "How to Defeat a Corporation in 23 Easy Steps"

5/14/99 "The Juice On Lucas:  An Interview with George Lucas"  Lucas humps a plastic Ewok!

11/9/98 Wages Dropping! The Incredible Story of Wal-Mart and its Beloved Country!

8/17/98 The GeoShitties World Excuse Report Volume 2, Number 1

8/7/98 God Bless America (and then let us buy some more)

6/24/98 The GeoShitties World Excuse Report Vol. 1, No. 1

5/28/98 The Trouble With GeoCities. Guess who can't understand the words "First Amendment"?

2/9/98 With catch-phrases like "did somebody say McDonald's?," and "Just Do It," it's hard to believe, but there really are Slogans that even the corporations rejected!

1/7/98 Ever had a homepage on GeoCities? Sadly, I did. Happily, I lived to tell about it in the hotly-anticipated (hey, over-dramatizing worked for "Titanic") "Why GeoShitties Sucks" update!

10/28/97 It's idiocy Vs. GREED, when Bubba interviews some rich guy from Wal-Mart!

10/21/97 If Microsoft were actually honest.  Press release number one.

All text on this page 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Using it without permission will give you seven years bad luck AND, a splitting headache.

You can send me and photos of naked people to: alex@juicycerebellum.com