09/22/07 When God Gets Pissed: The Day a Storm Destroyed Everything the Burglars Didn't Take?

02/22/07 Sex! Drugs! Death! The Sandell Show added today!

06/20/06 The Video Blog of Anne Frank

04/10/06 The Great Republican Smokescreen.  The GOP owns you.

10/11/04 On-Screen Superman, Real-Life Hero!  "Christopher Reeve has made the most of his life and stood up and become a champion for the disabled. It's fitting he played Superman on screen, because in real life, Reeve was a hero."

9/17/04 A World Without Heroes!  Punk officially died, today!  Click now, for Johnny!

1/21/04 The Sunday School of the Union Address: The Lines You Didn't Get to Hear in the State of the Union Address! Just when you thought I had gone and turned apolitical...

7/11/03 Blame God: It's All His Fault!

6/27/03 Tilting Democrats in the Presidential Race!  "Thanks, suckers."

6/06/03 The Spamming of America: Another Brick in the Wall!

4/25/03 SARS Hotel added today!  (Yes, it is as depressing as it sounds.)

4/25/03 Media Nix -- From Blix to Kucinich to Dixie Chicks!

4/16/03 Twain from the Grave:  I'm an Anti-Imperialist, dammit!

4/14/03 A Lethal Way to "Dispatch" News!

4/7/03 The Juicy Cerebellum sets its sites on Target Iraq!

11/30/02 If Commercial Radio Actually Trafficked in News! What if thousands of radio stations across the country were augmenting their fine reporting on the latest road conditions with comparable news coverage of social conditions?

11/23/02 Unilateral Power -- By Any Other Name! "The U.S. government has compounded the wallop of its prodigious carrots and sticks by pointedly reserving the right to do whatever it wants. And, clearly, it wants to go to war."

10/29/02 Branding New and Improved Wars! "If you doubt that the Executive Branch is run by people who plan U.S. military actions while thinking like marketers, you're (no offense) naive."

10/27/02 WELLSTONE! 1944-2002 "I don't represent the big oil companies.  I don't represent the Enrons of this world.  But you know what?  They already have great representation in Washington.  It's the rest of the people that need it."

10/22/02 Polls: When Measuring is Manipulating

9/9/02 Terrorists in Business Suits.  If you shy away from controversy, it's time to shy away!

9/5/02 Treadmills, Tampons And Tea After Sex! This update is a bit dirty. If you're under 18 and read it, it may turn you into a gigantic pervert. I'm warning you!

9/2/02 What If We Didn't Need Labor Day? This is one of the best updates ever put on this page, so take a minute and read it!

8/26/02 "Wag the Puppy" -- New Twist in Media War Wanna save your ass from being drafted? Better start reading, and find out how to avoid it, before it's too late!

8/24/02 Freedom of Speech takes another blow at the hands of The Catholic League and the United States Government!

6/19/02 Three Decades Later, Watergate is a Cautionary Tale"The watchdogs growl sometimes, while routinely wagging their tails."

6/7/02 Too Tough to Live:  A Tribute to Dee Dee Ramone!

4/14/02 A Basic Matter of Democracy"Today, in the 100-member Senate, cattle may be more equitably represented than people."

5/6/02 From Barbie to Botox!  "Endless media messages convey the stubborn presumption that women can never be good enough, but should live and buy -- and ultimately die -- trying."

4/23/02 Alice's New Adventures in Medialand"The Hatter and the March Hare could never match the lunacy I've just seen in Medialand. I'd heard of people subsisting on treacle, but the current media diet is rather more grim."

4/15/02 NPR and the Fallow Triumph of Public Radio"Boosted by the bipartisan telecommunications 'reform' law of 1996, just a few conglomerates now own several thousand stations nationwide between them."  So, where's our "public" alternative?

4/8/02 Palestinians are Blurry in the Editorial Frame!  The flipside of the Israeli military revealed!

4/1/02 Profiles in Media Courage!  Read all about it, now . . . before "they" will no longer let you!

3/22/02 The Abortions Are the Lucky Ones.  This update is bitter.  You've been warned. 

3/19/02 Television Becoming Spoof-Proof!  The future of TV is now . . . and it sucks!  

3/12/02 "Six Months Later the Basic Tool is Language."  This is a hell of a good read, and I recommend everyone click on the link and check it out! 

3/4/02 Pentagon's Silver Lining May Be Bigger Than Cloud.  What is that crazy Government hiding from us, now?

3/1/02 Brain Atrophy!  So what's so funny about finding out that your brain is in the process of dying? 

2/25/02 New Media Heights for a Remarkable Pundit.  More proof that the "liberal" media is a conservative myth!

2/18/02 When Nothing But a Full-Page Ad Will Do!

1/30/02 The only thing George W. Bush's State of the Union Address reminded me to do.

1/8/02 Selling McCrack to Kids: The U.S. Government, Fast Food and Your Premature Death (You can't smile when you're dead) This is the most important update ever added to this page!  YOUR life may depend on it!

12/12/01 "Cracked:  Looking back at the day 'they' got me!"  Is this vindication or am I the medical profession's new fall guy?

11/22/01 The Top 11 Things George W. Has To Be Thankful About This Thanksgiving!

11/5/01 Dead Singers, Retarded Queers and a Naked Guy On Flowers: The 26 Juiciest Rock Albums Ever Created! This update is FIVE YEARS in the making, and had me holding my piss for a record amount of time, as I typed it (11+ hours)!

10/12/01 Alex Asks Osama bin Laden About The Brady Bunch (and wonders what a dick's for)!

10/9/01 Mormon Geek, Catholic Freak, and a Real Slow Beat!

9/24/01 A Few Things to Think About Before They Take Your Right to Think Away, All in the Name of 'Freedom'!

9/19/01 Better ask the US how to make a monster part three (the conclusion)!

9/16/01 Alternative Voices:  What CNN Isn't Telling You!

9/14/01 Better Ask The U.S. How To Make A Monster Part Two.

9/13/01 Better Ask The U.S. How To Make A Monster Part One.  This update could piss dumb people off!

9/11/01 To the survivors

9/4/01 Been Here Too Long!


7/24/01 My dog, Brady, died yesterday.  This is the update I never wanted to write.  This is the hardest update that I've ever written.  Click here to read my tribute to Brady-Lu.

7/17/01 Happiness/Love

7/7/01  Small Town Nice:  Hang 'em Up!  Tie 'em Down!  Let 'em Fry!

7/4/01  Fourth of July 2001:  Burning the Flag, and other fun stuff!

6/29/01 Tiger.

6/28/01 Jack Lemmon dead at 76.

6/22/01 "Those Were the Days!": Remembering Carrol O'Conner and All in the Family added today!

6/21/01 Hey kids, enjoy your movies and music while you can, because, he's Coming to take your freedoms away!

6/11/01 RIP Timothy McVeigh

6/2/01 Five Days From Sober.  About the most hopeless thing I've ever fucking put on paper.  Enjoy!

5/21/01 Anne Frank

5/17/01 "Better".  It's a poem. If you don't like poems, well, I don't give a flying rat's ass.  Sorry.

4/15/01 HEY HO . . . HE WENT:  A tribute to Joey Ramone  Read this, or leave this page and don't ever come back.

3/30/01 To my impatient, temperamental fans: A message from Your Savior, Alex Sandell

3/10/01 Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!!  I just added chapter 7 (featuring asses).  Go to the convenient new chapter archive to check it out!

3/09/01 I disappointed.

3/08/01 Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!!  I just added chapter 6.  Go to the convenient new chapter archive to check it out!

3/07/01 Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!!  I just added chapter 5.  Go to the convenient new chapter archive to check it out!

3/05/01 Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!!  I just added chapter 4.  Go to the convenient new chapter archive to check it out!

3/04/01 Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!!  I just added chapter 3.  Go to the convenient new chapter archive to check it out (it's the best one yet)!

3/03/01 Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!! Chapter 2 in the chilling ongoing true story of crime and corruption which led to me spending 2 days in the loony bin! 

3/02/01 Remember Kids....It Could Happen to You!!! An evil Mayor, abusive cops, insane fat people and a webmaster gone mad!  What more could you want?

2/28/01 To Abuse and Diverge!

2/16/01 Tits, Ass, Liposuction and Slimfast: Women and their quest for rejection. This update is gonna piss people off.  If you're under 18, don't read it, cuz it includes *gasp* topless women.

2/12/01 The Gore War:  The War on Gore!  What do Al Gore, Joseph Lieberman, George W. Bush, rich corporations and bloodthirsty cannibals have to do with each other? Find out in this update!  Also, find out how you can win a REALLY cool prize!

2/6/1 Review of the new Propagandhi release (out today!), "Today's Empires, Tomorrow's Ashes" featuring special guest commentary from Propagandhi's bassist, himself, Todd Kowalski! 

2/2/1 The Juicy Cerebellum's last day online to be February 16th, 2001?  Click now if you want to see The Juicy Cerebellum make it to its four year anniversary, and beyond!

1/22/1 Androgynous Canines, My Grandfather and Lots of Butter!

1/9/1 Pathetic Disney Guy

1/7/1 Pathetic Fat Guy

12/17/00 I Hate Black People

12/8/00 What I REALLY want for my birthday is ...

11/30/00 Revolutionaries Never Get Hugs

11/10/00 How to Pick a Juicy President # 1 Okay, much like anyone else, I predicted that snobby Gore and boring Bush could never get this "President" thing right.  In response, The Juicy Cerebellum will spend EVERY DAY, until one of the dorks are elected, telling the two morons how they could settle it. 

11/07/00 Totally Juicy Election 2000!

11/01/00 A Vote For Nader is a Vote For Nader

10/18/00 A Vote for Gore is a Vote for Tyranny! (And I Can Prove It!)

10/12/00  The Debates Get Juicy! Only available transcript of the REAL debates, featuring Al Gore, George Bush and ME, Alex Sandell! 

NEW letter added 10/3/00 "Thinking back on my journeys thus far, it seems like home is an endless distance away.  I wonder how far away it is in the other direction: that is, in the future.  I would hope not too far because here in the past a man can feel very alone."  If you haven't read all the letters, catch up by heading directly to the beginning of "Letters home . . . at least my hands weren't blown off".  If you're all caught up, you can head directly to letter 35!

9/28/00 To all of you Politicians saying that you will put Sanctions on the Entertainment Industry, and that you will use your "control" of the airwaves to dictate what can and cannot be advertised, and that "R" rated movies won't be advertised on MTV, or any other channel that has an audience made up of 35%, or more, of people under 17, and that sex and violence in movies and music has a direct impact on violence in real life, and that there needs to be a Universal Rating System that is run by the GOVERNMENT, I have these reminders

NEW letter added 9/25/00 If you haven't read them for a long time (it's been 18 months since I last put one up) and need to refresh your memory, or haven't read them at all, I recommend you start from the beginning by clicking this link "Letters home . . . at least my hands weren't blown off".  If you caught up over the weekend, head directly to letter 34!

8/23/00 A Juicy Town Meeting

8/18/00 Alex Sandell for President Presents:  Gore Goes JuicyThe Juicy Cerebellum Takes on Campaign 2000

8/14/00 For Jamie I have been best friends with Jamie's brother Shawn since we were kids, and I have grown to know his family, including Jamie, very well.  The tragedy of losing the youngest member of this close-knit group has been devastating for them.  Click now to check out what I wrote for the family, and get to know a little bit about who Jamie was.  The smile she's wearing in the picture isn't a fake; she grinned so often, July 17th, 2000, seemed like the day happiness died. 

7/27/00 Reunion!  This update has nearly EVERYTHING, and it doesn't charge $25.00 to get in (or $50.00 per couple)!  

7/16/00 I Like . . .

7/12/00 The Juicy Cerebellum: What It Wants.  Find out where The Juicy Cerebellum came from, where it's at, and why it wants to fuck your brains out!

6/2/00 Why I Want You Back.  A love song to an angel that has flown away.  Due to the fact that there's a picture of her where she is semi-nude, you must be 18 to view.  I would like to say that it is NOT pornography. Pornography could never be as beautiful.

6/2/00 Respect between sex, specie and environment

5/29/00 Feeling down? Suicidal? Overly Medicated? Great! The POETRY TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF WITH section of THE JUICY CEREBELLUM is for you. Two new poems added today!

3/2/00 I Guess.  I guess you can read it, if you want to.

2/23/00 "He Said, He Said:  Tales From the Other Side"Click now, and get the WHOLE story!

2/21/00 "My Behalf," My Ass!  Okay, now you've gone and made me upset. 

1/29/00 "A Brief Goodbye"  Paul Vixie and the gang didn't like yesterday's update.  In consequence, they strong-armed my ISP into taking away my Internet connection, and, in doing so, took away YOUR rights to read my writings; proving, once again, that MAPS is not fighting SPAM, but rather people's FREEDOM to read and write what they choose to, as long as it is within the boundaries of the law.  God Bless America.

1/28/00 NO BLACKHOLE!  I'm not the only one being terrorized by the MAPS group, and, after talking on the phone to Paul Vixie, the president of the aforementioned MAPS, it looks even more like Freedom of Speech (and The Juicy Cerebellum) is what is being attacked here, NOT SPAMMERS.  See how one group of people are tearing apart lives, businesses and people's First Amendment right to speak their minds.  If you don't take this update seriously, YOU just might be the next person that is SHUT UP.

1/20/00 "The Day I Was Blacklisted!"  This honestly may be the last update ever added to The Juicy Cerebellum.  Find out who to blame it on by clicking now!

12/30/99 "Broken 2000:  100 Reasons Why We STILL Suck!"  It's the last Juicy Cerebellum update of the century, so you had better enjoy it!

12/16/99 "It's all true."  They're trying to take The Juicy Cerebellum  away!

11/26/99 The Catholic League is, once again, going out on a limb!  Of course, the Anti-Catholic League is just as busy sawing that limb off, right where it hurts!

11/13/99 The Catholic League strikes again!  The Anti-Catholic League strikes back!  Find out why the Catholic League is, once again, trampling YOUR rights!  Find out what the Anti-Catholic League is doing to stop them!

11/8/99 "Hope to Get Laid While Giving up Hope:  The Story of Man."  It's sexy, it's hopeful, it's fucking pathetic!

10/23/99 Your Synthetic World:  An Open Letter to Humanity.

10/17/99 I Used To.  You wouldn't believe what I used to do!

9/3/99 "Live!  From my parents' basement . . . it's my second life!"  Let's explore alternate realities together!

8/20/99 "The Spirit She Left Behind"  Ever lose something you thought was forever?  How did it feel?  Can't put it into words?   Let me help.

7/28/99 "Lights, Camera . . . ASSHOLE!" Meet the world's most bitter columnist!  Watch out, he thinks he's better than you!

7/21/99 "Wish" The hardest dream to wake up from, is the one that makes you want to stay asleep.

7/9/99 "Norman Bates Is the Least of My Worries:  The Day Hell Invited Me Over and I Moved in to Stay" Want to know the secret Hell hiding behind the door of every apartment?  Want to know why I damned myself to living inside of it?  Click now for the most revealing update ever added to The Juicy Cerebellum!

6/4/99 The "Catholic League" strikes again, and this time it's personal . . . they've censored The Simpsons!  The "Anti-Catholic" league strikes back just as fast, and is ready to take down the whole organization.

5/27/99 "If I Ran the World:  The Columbine Massacre and Its After-Effects

5/13/99 The "Losers" Write Back!

5/11/99 Going Through the Motions

5/7/99 Welcome to the "Anti-Catholic League" 

4/19/99 "'Pulling An Alex':  Why I Still Hate The Juicy Cerebellum" written by Charles Lee "Conservative"

3/17/99 The Story of My Life (It Isn't Jealousy, Really).

3 letters added 3/16/99 "Letters home . . . at least my hands weren't blown off" If you've already read the first 30, you can head directly to letters 31, 32 and 33!

3/2/99 Version 2.0

2/15/99 My Day With Eight Legs I found an old paper I composed like 200 years ago that I couldn't resist putting online (to save myself from actually having to write a real update)!

2/5/99 "The KIM Update"

2/1/99 Cutting Myself! Sure it may be a bit twisted, sick and slightly perverse, but what did you do this weekend?

12/10/98 Strawberry Daiquiri

12/9/98 "God: Act 17,000,000,000" Alex challenges the Lord! Has he gone nuts or does he stand a chance?

12/1/98 Juicy Gets Sloppy: An Interview With Sloppy Seconds!


11/3/98 Throwing Away Your Vote!

10/15/98 "When the Past Came Back to Haunt Me"

10/1/98 The Day The World Wide Web Stood Still.

9/24/98 Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. If you read only ONE update this year - this should be it! (Oh, and you should probably read more.)

9/23/98 Goodbye.

9/11/98 My Life As A Drone! Could this be your life, too?


8/25/98 Killing God

8/21/98 50 Reasons You Don't Have Time To Worry About Being SPAMMED (Pick a REAL Cause, 'Net-Junkie!)

8/14/98 Three Month Old Wetspot

7/18/98 Everybody's All Fucked Up!

7/14/98 How to create a cynic in less than 12 steps! Part 3: Pubic Hair, Prom Night, and Physical Education!

7/10/98 How to create a cynic in less than 12 steps! Part 2: Feel free to turn your brain off. We'll take it from here!

7/9/98 How to create a cynic in less than 12 steps! Part 1: From the womb to hospital room.

6/27/98 Misprint

6/19/98 Back on the job. Welcome back to "working man" Hell!

6/15/98 To anyone that cares . . . blow me!

6/4/98 101 reasons not to be too concerned when your IP blows up tomorrow

5/22/98 Two Fucked Up Hours (More Proof "The System" Sucks)

5/19/98 So, this is what it's like in the daylight?

5/15/98 The Seinfeld Finale: Painful For All The Wrong Reasons

5/13/98 Deep in the Heart of Tex Part II The Juicy Cerebellum may be going to court!

5/12/98 Deep in the Heart of Tex!

5/10/98 Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, even if it does suck!

5/7/98 Confessions of the World's Greatest 600 Pound Guitar Player!

5/6/98 A tale of two strippers, NetMeeting and female hormones gone awry!

4/29/98 Is it dead?

4/26/98 Just the facts. Because if you don't know, you just don't know!

4/25/98 High school bullies, lactating women, and a cast of millions (if you count the corpses), take the stage in One Simple Friday . . .

4/20/98 The Day the Earth Stood Still (Or, 24 hours without my Internet Provider).

4/17/98 Humanity is . . .

3/31/98 This isn't my United States.

3/9/98 SPAM, and the world will SPAM with you!

3/8/98 Save the Cerebellum!

3/1/98 everything i ever wanted to know about genocide, i learned in the 3rd grade

2/18/98 Ever wonder why you always feel like you're getting screwed? It's because you are. Find out why in, Throwing the Bone!

2/7/98 Four new stories (and about 15 really pissed off people, whose stories weren't included, since I accidentally lost them all)! Ever had your heart broken so badly, you can only think two different things, "kill," and "kill myself?" You're not the only one. Find out what other people have been put through by reading their stories in The EX-Files!

2/4/98 While you're at it, could we kill these people, too?

1/31/98 The serious side of the Cerebellum takes over in "it's not for you," or, "why people suck."

12/5/97 Entertainment Weekly gets Juicy!

11/22/97 The poem I wrote instead of chapter 59, cuz I was in a bad mood.

10/14/97 A very important message from the new me.

9/26/97 The Juicy Cerebellum takes on the season-premiere of Seinfeld!

9/24/97 100% Juicy Links

9/21/97 The side effect list to my fancy new seizure drug

9/19/97 When HELL freezes over!

9/16/97 Convulser's Log

9/3/97 I'll Take Your Job, Mr. Fame and Fortune! (or why Princess Di was as guilty as the rest of us).

8/10/97 the letters that brought The Juicy Cerebellum back from the dead!

8/9/97 An interview with me. (Fun, fun!)

7/11/97 CENSORED BY GEOSHITTIES 7/14/97!  BACK FROM THE DEAD 12/2/97, it's Tidbits of life.

7/4/97 How to become the next U.S.A. in three easy steps!

6/12/97 Ever look at your life from thirteen different angles and still see that it sucks? Forget the Prozac, TOTALLY JUICY QUOTES may be just what you need!

5/26/97 People I used to like that are dead now

4/24/97 If you can read this, but feel really insecure about how you're reading it, thank a teacher

All text on this page 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Using it without permission will give you seven years bad luck AND, a splitting headache.

You can send me and photos of naked people to: alex@juicycerebellum.com