09/22/07
When God Gets Pissed: The Day a Storm Destroyed
Everything the Burglars Didn't Take?
02/22/07
Sex! Drugs!
Death! The Sandell Show added today!
06/20/06
The Video
Blog of Anne Frank
04/10/06
The Great Republican
Smokescreen. The GOP owns you.
10/11/04
On-Screen Superman, Real-Life Hero!
"Christopher Reeve has made the most of his life and stood up and become a
champion for the disabled. It's fitting he played Superman on screen, because in
real life, Reeve was a hero."
9/17/04
A World Without Heroes!
Punk officially died, today! Click now, for Johnny!
1/21/04
The
Sunday School of the Union Address:
The Lines You Didn't Get to Hear in the State of the Union Address! Just
when you thought I had gone and turned apolitical...
7/11/03
Blame God: It's All
His Fault!
6/27/03
Tilting Democrats in
the Presidential Race! "Thanks, suckers."
6/06/03
The Spamming of America: Another Brick in the Wall!
4/25/03
SARS
Hotel added today! (Yes, it is as depressing as it sounds.)
4/25/03
Media Nix -- From Blix to Kucinich to Dixie Chicks!
4/16/03
Twain from the Grave: I'm an Anti-Imperialist,
dammit!
4/14/03
A Lethal Way to "Dispatch" News!
4/7/03
The Juicy Cerebellum sets its sites on Target
Iraq!
11/30/02
If Commercial Radio Actually Trafficked in News!
What if thousands of radio stations across the country were augmenting their
fine reporting on the latest road conditions with comparable news coverage of
social conditions?
11/23/02
Unilateral Power -- By Any Other Name! "The U.S.
government has compounded the wallop of its prodigious carrots and sticks by
pointedly reserving the right to do whatever it wants. And, clearly, it wants to
go to war."
10/29/02
Branding New and Improved Wars! "If you doubt that
the Executive Branch is run by people who plan U.S. military actions while
thinking like marketers, you're (no offense) naive."
10/27/02
WELLSTONE! 1944-2002
"I don't represent the big oil companies.
I don't represent the Enrons of this world. But you know what? They
already have great representation in Washington. It's the rest of the
people that need it."
10/22/02
Polls: When Measuring is Manipulating
9/9/02
Terrorists in Business
Suits. If you shy away from controversy, it's time to shy away!
9/5/02
Treadmills,
Tampons And Tea After Sex! This update is a bit dirty. If you're under 18
and read it, it may turn you into a gigantic pervert. I'm warning you!
9/2/02
What If We Didn't Need Labor Day? This is one of
the best updates ever put on this page, so take a minute and read it!
8/26/02
"Wag the Puppy" -- New Twist in Media War
Wanna save your ass from being drafted? Better start reading, and find out how
to avoid it, before it's too late!
6/19/02
Three Decades Later, Watergate is a Cautionary
Tale! "The
watchdogs growl sometimes, while routinely wagging their tails."
6/7/02
Too Tough to Live: A Tribute to Dee Dee
Ramone!
4/14/02
A Basic Matter of Democracy! "Today,
in the 100-member Senate, cattle may be more equitably represented than people."
5/6/02
From Barbie to
Botox! "Endless
media messages convey the stubborn presumption that women can never be good
enough, but should live and buy -- and ultimately die -- trying."
4/23/02
Alice's New Adventures in Medialand!
"The
Hatter and the March Hare could never match the lunacy I've just seen in
Medialand. I'd heard of people subsisting on treacle, but the current media diet
is rather more grim."
4/15/02
NPR and the Fallow Triumph of Public Radio!
"Boosted by the bipartisan
telecommunications 'reform' law of 1996, just a few conglomerates now own
several thousand stations nationwide between them." So, where's our
"public" alternative?
4/8/02
Palestinians
are Blurry in the Editorial Frame!
The flipside of the Israeli military revealed!
4/1/02
Profiles
in Media Courage! Read
all about it, now . . . before "they" will no longer let you!
3/22/02
The
Abortions Are the Lucky Ones.
This update is bitter. You've been warned.
3/19/02
Television
Becoming Spoof-Proof! The
future of TV is now . . . and it sucks!
3/12/02
"Six
Months Later the Basic Tool is Language."
This is a hell of a good read, and I recommend everyone click on the link and
check it out!
3/4/02
Pentagon's
Silver Lining May Be Bigger Than Cloud.
What is that crazy
Government hiding from us, now?
3/1/02
Brain
Atrophy! So what's so
funny about finding out that your brain is in the process of dying?
2/25/02
New
Media Heights for a Remarkable Pundit.
More proof that the "liberal" media is a conservative myth!
2/18/02
When
Nothing But a Full-Page Ad Will Do!
1/30/02
The
only thing George W. Bush's State of the Union Address reminded me to do.
1/8/02
Selling
McCrack to Kids: The U.S. Government, Fast Food and Your Premature Death (You
can't smile when you're dead)
This is the most important update ever added to this page! YOUR life may
depend on it!
12/12/01
"Cracked:
Looking back at the day 'they' got me!"
Is this vindication or am I the medical profession's new fall guy?
11/22/01
The
Top 11 Things George W. Has To Be Thankful About This Thanksgiving!
11/5/01
Dead
Singers, Retarded Queers and a Naked Guy On Flowers: The 26 Juiciest
Rock Albums Ever Created! This
update is FIVE YEARS in the making, and had me holding my piss for a record
amount of time, as I typed it (11+ hours)!
10/12/01
Alex Asks Osama
bin Laden About The Brady Bunch (and wonders what a dick's for)!
10/9/01
Mormon Geek, Catholic Freak, and a Real Slow
Beat!
9/24/01
A Few Things
to Think About Before They Take Your Right to Think Away, All in the Name of
'Freedom'!
9/19/01
Better
ask the US how to make a monster part three (the conclusion)!
9/16/01
Alternative Voices: What CNN Isn't Telling You!
9/14/01
Better Ask The U.S. How To Make A Monster
Part Two.
9/13/01
Better Ask The U.S. How To Make A Monster
Part One.
This update could piss dumb people off!
9/11/01
To the survivors
9/4/01
Been Here Too Long!
8/2/01
PREMATURE
EVACUATION: A CALL TO IMPEACH RESIDENT BUSH
7/24/01
My dog, Brady, died yesterday. This is
the update I never wanted to write. This is the hardest update that I've
ever written. Click here to read my tribute to
Brady-Lu.
7/17/01
Happiness/Love
7/7/01 Small
Town Nice: Hang 'em Up! Tie 'em Down! Let 'em Fry!
7/4/01
Fourth
of July 2001: Burning the Flag, and other fun stuff!
6/29/01
Tiger.
6/28/01
Jack Lemmon dead at 76.
6/22/01
"Those
Were the Days!": Remembering Carrol O'Conner and All in the Family
added today!
6/21/01
Hey kids, enjoy your
movies and music while you can, because, he's Coming
to take your freedoms away!
6/11/01 RIP Timothy McVeigh
6/2/01
Five
Days From Sober.
About the most hopeless thing I've ever fucking put on paper. Enjoy!
5/21/01
Anne
Frank.
5/17/01
"Better".
It's a poem. If
you don't like poems, well, I don't give a flying rat's ass. Sorry.
4/15/01
HEY HO . . . HE WENT:
A tribute to Joey
Ramone Read this, or leave this page and don't ever come
back.
3/30/01
To my impatient, temperamental fans: A message
from Your Savior, Alex Sandell
3/10/01
Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!! I just added chapter 7
(featuring asses). Go to the convenient new chapter archive to
check it out!
3/09/01
I disappointed.
3/08/01
Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!! I just added chapter 6. Go to the convenient new chapter archive to
check it out!
3/07/01
Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!! I just added chapter 5. Go to the convenient new chapter archive to
check it out!
3/05/01
Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!! I just added chapter 4. Go to the convenient new chapter archive to
check it out!
3/04/01
Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!! I just added chapter
3. Go to the convenient new chapter archive to
check it out (it's the best one yet)!
3/03/01
Remember Kids...It Could Happen to You!!! Chapter
2 in the chilling ongoing true story of crime and corruption which led to me
spending 2 days in the loony bin!
3/02/01
Remember
Kids....It Could Happen to You!!!
An evil Mayor, abusive cops, insane fat people and a webmaster gone mad!
What more could you want?
2/28/01
To
Abuse and Diverge!
2/16/01
Tits,
Ass, Liposuction and Slimfast: Women and their quest for rejection.
This update is gonna piss people off. If you're under 18, don't read it,
cuz it includes *gasp* topless women.
2/12/01
The
Gore War: The War on Gore!
What do Al Gore, Joseph Lieberman, George W. Bush, rich corporations and
bloodthirsty cannibals have to do with each other? Find out in this
update! Also, find out how you can win a REALLY cool prize!
2/6/1
Review
of the new Propagandhi release (out today!), "Today's
Empires, Tomorrow's Ashes" featuring special guest commentary
from Propagandhi's bassist, himself, Todd Kowalski!
2/2/1
The
Juicy Cerebellum's
last day online to be February 16th, 2001? Click
now if you want to see The Juicy Cerebellum make it to its four year
anniversary, and beyond!
1/22/1
Androgynous
Canines, My Grandfather and Lots of Butter!
1/9/1
Pathetic Disney Guy
1/7/1
Pathetic Fat Guy
12/17/00
I
Hate Black People
12/8/00
What
I REALLY want for my birthday is ...
11/30/00
Revolutionaries
Never Get Hugs
11/10/00
How
to Pick a Juicy President # 1
Okay, much like
anyone else, I predicted that snobby Gore and
boring Bush could never get this "President" thing right. In
response, The Juicy Cerebellum will spend EVERY DAY, until
one of the dorks are elected, telling
the two morons how they could settle it.
11/07/00
Totally
Juicy Election 2000!
11/01/00
A Vote For
Nader is a Vote For Nader
10/18/00
A Vote
for Gore is a Vote for Tyranny! (And I Can Prove It!)
10/12/00
The Debates Get Juicy!
Only available
transcript of the REAL debates, featuring Al Gore, George Bush and ME,
Alex Sandell!
NEW
letter added 10/3/00 "Thinking
back on my journeys thus far, it seems like home is an endless distance
away. I wonder how far away it is in the other direction: that is, in the
future. I would hope not too far because here in the past a man can feel
very alone." If you haven't
read all the letters, catch up by heading directly to the beginning of "Letters home . . . at least my hands weren't blown
off". If you're all caught up, you can head
directly to letter 35!
9/28/00
To all of you Politicians
saying that you will put Sanctions on the Entertainment Industry, and that
you will use your "control" of the airwaves to dictate what can
and cannot be advertised, and that "R" rated movies won't be
advertised on MTV, or any other channel that has an audience made up of
35%, or more, of people under 17, and that sex and violence in movies and music has a direct impact
on violence in real life, and that there needs to be a Universal Rating
System that is run by the GOVERNMENT, I have
these reminders
NEW
letter added 9/25/00 If you haven't read them for a long time (it's
been 18 months since I last put one up) and need to refresh your memory, or
haven't read them at all, I recommend you start from the beginning by clicking
this link "Letters home . . . at least my hands weren't blown
off". If you caught up over the weekend, head
directly to letter 34!
8/23/00
A
Juicy Town Meeting
8/18/00
Alex
Sandell for President Presents: Gore Goes Juicy: The Juicy Cerebellum Takes on Campaign 2000
8/14/00
For Jamie
I have been best friends with Jamie's brother Shawn since we were kids, and I
have grown to know his family, including Jamie, very well. The tragedy of
losing the youngest member of this close-knit group has been devastating for
them. Click now to check out what I wrote for the
family, and get to know a little bit about who Jamie was. The smile she's
wearing in the picture isn't a fake; she grinned so often, July 17th, 2000,
seemed like the day happiness died.
7/27/00
Reunion! This update has nearly
EVERYTHING, and it doesn't charge $25.00 to get in (or $50.00 per
couple)!
7/16/00
I Like . . .
7/12/00
The Juicy
Cerebellum:
What It Wants. Find out
where The Juicy Cerebellum came from, where it's at, and why it wants to
fuck your brains out!
6/2/00
Why I Want You Back. A love song to an angel that
has flown away. Due to the fact that there's a picture of her where she is
semi-nude, you must be 18 to view. I would like to say that it is NOT
pornography. Pornography could never be as beautiful.
6/2/00 Respect
between sex, specie and environment
5/29/00 Feeling down? Suicidal? Overly Medicated? Great! The POETRY TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF WITH section of THE JUICY
CEREBELLUM is for you. Two new poems added today!
3/2/00
I Guess. I guess you can read
it, if you want to.
2/23/00
"He Said, He Said: Tales
From the Other Side"! Click now, and
get the WHOLE story!
2/21/00
"My Behalf," My Ass!
Okay, now you've gone and made me upset.
1/29/00
"A Brief
Goodbye" Paul
Vixie and the gang didn't like yesterday's update. In consequence, they
strong-armed my ISP into taking away my Internet connection, and, in doing so,
took away YOUR rights to read my writings; proving, once again, that MAPS is
not fighting SPAM, but rather people's FREEDOM to read and write what they
choose to, as long as it is within the boundaries of the law. God Bless America.
1/28/00
NO BLACKHOLE!
I'm not the only one being terrorized by
the MAPS group, and, after talking on the phone to Paul Vixie, the president of
the aforementioned MAPS, it looks even more like Freedom of Speech (and The
Juicy Cerebellum) is what is being attacked here, NOT SPAMMERS. See
how one group of people are tearing apart lives, businesses and people's First
Amendment right to speak their minds. If you don't take this update
seriously, YOU just might be the next person that is SHUT UP.
1/20/00
"The Day I Was Blacklisted!"
This honestly may be the last update ever added to The Juicy Cerebellum.
Find out who to blame it on by clicking now!
12/30/99
"Broken 2000: 100
Reasons Why We STILL Suck!" It's the last Juicy Cerebellum update
of the century, so you had better enjoy it!
12/16/99
"It's
all true." They're trying to take The Juicy Cerebellum
away!
11/8/99 "Hope to Get Laid While Giving up
Hope: The Story of Man." It's sexy, it's hopeful, it's fucking
pathetic!
10/23/99 Your Synthetic World: An Open
Letter to Humanity.
10/17/99 I Used To. You wouldn't believe
what I used to do!
9/3/99 "Live! From my parents'
basement . . . it's my second life!" Let's explore alternate realities
together!
8/20/99 "The
Spirit She Left Behind" Ever lose something you thought was forever?
How did it feel? Can't put it into words? Let me help.
7/28/99 "Lights, Camera . . . ASSHOLE!" Meet the world's most
bitter columnist! Watch out, he thinks he's better than you!
7/21/99 "Wish" The hardest
dream to wake up from, is the one that makes you want to stay asleep.
7/9/99 "Norman Bates Is the Least of My Worries: The Day Hell
Invited Me Over and I Moved in to Stay" Want to know the secret Hell hiding
behind the door of every apartment? Want to know why I damned myself to living
inside of it? Click now for the most revealing update ever added to The Juicy
Cerebellum!
5/27/99 "If I
Ran the World: The Columbine Massacre and Its After-Effects
5/13/99 The
"Losers" Write Back!
5/11/99 Going
Through the Motions
5/7/99 Welcome to the "Anti-Catholic League"
4/19/99 "'Pulling
An Alex': Why I Still Hate The Juicy Cerebellum" written by
Charles Lee "Conservative"
3/17/99 The Story of
My Life (It Isn't Jealousy, Really).
3 letters added 3/16/99 "Letters home . . . at least my hands weren't blown
off" If you've already read the first 30, you can head
directly to letters 31, 32 and 33!
3/2/99 Version
2.0
2/15/99 My Day With
Eight Legs I found an old paper I composed like 200 years ago that I couldn't resist
putting online (to save myself from actually having to write a real update)!
2/5/99 "The KIM
Update"
2/1/99 Cutting
Myself! Sure it may be a bit twisted, sick and slightly perverse, but what did you
do this weekend?
12/10/98 Strawberry
Daiquiri
12/9/98 "God:
Act 17,000,000,000" Alex challenges the Lord! Has he gone nuts or does he stand a
chance?
12/1/98 Juicy Gets
Sloppy: An Interview With Sloppy Seconds!
11/16/98 CONGRATULATIONS!
11/3/98 Throwing Away
Your Vote!
10/15/98 "When
the Past Came Back to Haunt Me"
10/1/98 The Day
The World Wide Web Stood Still.
9/24/98 Reports
of my death have been greatly exaggerated. If you read only ONE update this year -
this should be it! (Oh, and you should probably read more.)
9/23/98 Goodbye.
9/11/98 My Life As A
Drone! Could this be your life, too?
8/28/98 I HATE
THE INTERNET!
8/25/98 Killing God
8/21/98 50 Reasons You Don't Have Time To Worry About Being SPAMMED (Pick a REAL Cause,
'Net-Junkie!)
8/14/98 Three
Month Old Wetspot
7/18/98 Everybody's
All Fucked Up!
7/14/98 How to
create a cynic in less than 12 steps! Part 3: Pubic Hair, Prom Night, and Physical
Education!
7/9/98 How to
create a cynic in less than 12 steps! Part 1: From the womb to hospital room.
6/27/98 Misprint
6/19/98 Back on
the job. Welcome back to "working man" Hell!
6/15/98 To anyone
that cares . . . blow me!
6/4/98 101 reasons
not to be too concerned when your IP blows up tomorrow
5/22/98 Two Fucked
Up Hours (More Proof "The System" Sucks)
5/19/98 So, this
is what it's like in the daylight?
5/15/98 The
Seinfeld Finale: Painful For All The Wrong Reasons
5/13/98 Deep in the
Heart of Tex Part II The Juicy Cerebellum may be going to court!
5/12/98 Deep in the Heart of Tex!
5/10/98 Everyone's
entitled to their own opinion, even if it does suck!
5/7/98 Confessions
of the World's Greatest 600 Pound Guitar Player!
5/6/98 A tale of two
strippers, NetMeeting and female hormones gone awry!
4/29/98 Is it dead?
4/26/98 Just the
facts. Because if you don't know, you just don't know!
4/25/98 High school bullies, lactating
women, and a cast of millions (if you count the corpses), take the stage in One Simple Friday . . .
4/20/98 The Day
the Earth Stood Still (Or, 24 hours without my Internet Provider).
4/17/98 Humanity
is . . .
3/31/98 This isn't
my United States.
3/9/98 SPAM, and the
world will SPAM with you!
3/8/98 Save the
Cerebellum!
3/1/98 everything
i ever wanted to know about genocide, i learned in the 3rd grade
2/18/98 Ever wonder why you always feel
like you're getting screwed? It's because you are. Find out why in, Throwing the Bone!
2/7/98 Four new stories (and about 15 really
pissed off people, whose stories weren't included, since I accidentally lost them all)! Ever
had your heart broken so badly, you can only think two different things, "kill,"
and "kill myself?" You're not the only one. Find out what other people have been
put through by reading their stories in The EX-Files!
2/4/98 While
you're at it, could we kill these people, too?
1/31/98 The
serious side of the Cerebellum takes over in "it's not for you," or,
"why people suck."
12/5/97 Entertainment
Weekly gets Juicy!
11/22/97 The poem I wrote
instead of chapter 59, cuz I was in a bad mood.
10/14/97 A very important
message from the new me.
9/26/97 The Juicy
Cerebellum takes on the season-premiere of Seinfeld!
9/24/97 100% Juicy Links
9/21/97 The side effect list
to my fancy new seizure drug
9/19/97 When HELL freezes over!
9/16/97 Convulser's Log
9/3/97 I'll Take Your Job, Mr. Fame
and Fortune! (or why Princess Di was as guilty as the rest of us).
8/10/97 the letters that brought The Juicy Cerebellum back from the dead!
8/9/97 An interview with me. (Fun, fun!)
7/11/97 CENSORED BY
GEOSHITTIES 7/14/97! BACK FROM THE DEAD 12/2/97, it's Tidbits of life.
7/4/97 How to become the next U.S.A. in three easy steps!
6/12/97 Ever
look at your life from thirteen different angles and still see that it sucks? Forget the
Prozac, TOTALLY JUICY QUOTES may be just what you need!
5/26/97 People I used to like that are dead now
4/24/97 If you can read this, but feel really insecure about how
you're reading it, thank a teacher
All text on this page ©1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Using it without permission will give you seven years bad luck AND, a splitting headache.
You can send me
and photos of naked people to:
alex@juicycerebellum.com