It's time to make your friends jealous.
The graphic below is a rough draft (the ugly text at the top and bottom has been completely changed, and doesn't look like an "Atari" game, anymore)! The actual shirt looks a lot better! Once I get some pics in of Juicy people wearing the shirt, I'll put them online. In the meantime, take my word for it. The T-Shirt is not some cheap piece of polyester shit. It's heavy-duty 100% cotton, pre-shrunk, and ready for love!
Don't delay! Make out a check or money-order, or send well-concealed cash, to Alex Sandell in the amount of $18.00 per shirt ($15.00 for the shirt, $3.00 for shipping) and send it to:
PO Box 331
Alexandria, MN 56308
I've been promising this for a long time. You've been asking for even longer. Now it's finally arrived! The Totally Juicy T-Shirt. Over the past year, hundreds of artists (well, 7, to be exact) tried to design the warped vision I gave to them, and all of them failed miserably. Then, two weeks ago, a man named Sean Simmans sent me some samples of his artwork and things suddenly clicked. "This is the guy," I said to myself while quickly dialing his long-distance number, "I've found the chosen one." To make a long story short, I gave him my vision, he said he'd give it a try, and a few days later the artwork arrived. Somehow Sean managed to capture the essence of The Juicy Cerebellum in one magnificent drawing. Immediately after masturbating for 17 hours straight, I had the pic plastered on 300 striking white T-Shirts (yes, this is a LIMITED edition. When it's gone, it's gone) and am now giving you this once in a lifetime (unless you order twice) offer to order this beautiful piece of what is soon to be Juicy legend.
Imagine this beautiful drawing oozing its way over your chest. Everyone you know will be drooling with envy and want to know where you found such a wonderful piece of apparel. You'll point to the address on the shirt, where they'll go to order, only it will be too late. Why? BECAUSE YOU WILL BE ONE OF THE THREE-HUNDRED PEOPLE ALIVE WHO IS LUCKY ENOUGH TO OWN THIS LIMITED T! They can't have one. They'll all be stuck buying a mass-marketed "Backstreet Boys" shirt, which anyone and everyone could own (but not many people would want to).
How much would you expect to pay for this twisted T? $30.00? $100.00? $1,000.00? That's what your friends will be offering you a year from now, when they can't buy one of their own. How much am I charging? Only $15.00! That's right! For only $15.00 plus $3.00 shipping and handling (for the morons out there, that's $18.00 total) this shirt can be yours! What's even better is all proceeds will go back into The Juicy Cerebellum, so you don't have to feel like a sellout. Only oral-sex could be better (and with this shirt, you'll be getting a lot more of that)!
Don't delay! Make out a check or money-order to Alex Sandell in the amount of $18.00 per shirt (or, if you're feeling lucky, send WELL-CONCEALED cash) and send it to:
PO Box 331
Alexandria, MN 56308
Please specify if you'd like your shirt to be a LARGE or X-LARGE. Don't worry, I won't think that you're fat if you go the "X-LARGE" route. People that aren't from the US contact me, if you're interested in ordering information for foreigners. If you have any other questions email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Enjoy!
©1999 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. Text or T-shirt design may NOT be reproduced in any form without prior permission from Alex Sandell, because he is God. Thanks.
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