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Games 40-36

Note to stupid people who didn't read the introduction to this update on the first page:  This is a list of the best games of the LAST generation of consoles (Sega Dreamcast, Nintendo GameCube, Sony Playstation 2, Microsoft Xbox, Nintendo DS.  I didn't count the Sony PSP because I hate it.).  This isn't a list of the best games EVER made, although some games on the list (especially the top 10) would probably make that list, as well.


# 40 Viewtiful Joe (Nintendo GameCube)

  Viewtiful Joe single-handedly revived the side-scroller on non-handheld consoles.  Joe moves at the pace of a super-model on speed (and I still think he should have been equipped with a cell phone to throw at his poorly paid assistants).  The game is like an adrenaline shot to your heart.  It plays sort of like a hyperactive brawler that somehow got its hands Willy Wonka's stash O' magical sugar.  This is the Barry Bonds of video games; fast to the point where they added a slow-motion feature just so you could keep up with the bazillion things happening on screen. I believe it was ported to the PS2 and maybe even the Xbox, but the GameCube is where it was originally at and where you should play the title.  After an hour with this game, you'll come to realize that life is truly viewtiful!  I typed "viewtiful" instead of "beautiful."  Clever.  I bet only 146 gaming journalists did it before me, each of them giggling wildly while adjusting their glasses.  

# 39 Super Mario Sunshine (Nintendo GameCube)

  This was definitely the Rodney Dangerfield of Mario games.  It got no respect and it's been dead for years.  While the game didn't make a Super Mario 64 type jump in the innovation department, it did something Super Mario 64 never could:  Brought intense 2-D platforming type action into a 3-D environment.  People wrote this one off when they saw that Mario would have to "clean stuff" with his water backpack thingie.  While it's nice to know gamers are just as lazy in their video game galaxies as they are in the real world, it's sad the title got overlooked due to the fact that Mario had to spray some shit off walls, every so often.  At least they didn't have the guy cleaning toilets and sucking backed-up sewage off of ungrateful customer's lawns (although those would make for some fun WarioWare mini-games).  Super Mario Sunshine is a truer platforming title than Super Mario 64.  While 64 will always win for re-inviting the wheel, Super Mario Sunshine should be remembered for taking the thing and rolling with it.  

# 38 Silent Hill 4: The Room (Playstation 2/Xbox)

  This is definitely the Rodney Dang ... er ... I need to find a new analogy.  While Silent Hill 4 isn't quite as good as the first 3 Silent Hill games, it still has plenty of chills and thrills to offer rabid fans of the series looking to scare themselves silly.  You wake up one morning to find that you're locked in your run-down apartment.  The door has been chained up, from the inside.  You find a portal in your bathroom wall that looks like the longest genital tract ever imagined, and, like the good male you are, you crawl inside of it and come out on the other end, to find an abandoned subway station (abandoned until this hot chick shows up and offers you sex if you can help her find a way out of the place).  Of course you eventually make your way to Silent Hill and a bunch of scary shit happens.  You also kill some dogs.  What's up with killing dogs in all these survival horror games?  Can't we kill some damn cats for a change?  Anyway, good game.  So good, it's the 38th greatest game you've never played (or need to play again).  

# 37 The Suffering (Playstation 2/Xbox)

  The Suffering was underrated by the critics, but was successful enough with survival horror fans to eventually warrant a sequel (the sequel, on the other hand, wasn't so hot).  You can play the game as a first person shooter, or in third-person mode.  Keeping it in and around the creepiest fucking jail in the known universe helped create a nightmare-ish atmosphere for the game that was distinctly its own.  While more action-packed than the average survival horror title, The Suffering still provides plenty of scares.  The voice-acting is top-notch, the writing (just reading the descriptions of various creatures in the game will give you chills) is far above-par and the gameplay works well in both first and third-person perspective.  This is one that not a lot of people played and one that definitely should not be ignored.  Did I mention it says the "F" word a lot?  So fucking much, you may fucking forget all about the fucking PS2 having sort of fucking crummy graphics.  Fucking PS2.



# 36 Half-Life 2 (Microsoft Xbox)

  Blah, blah, blah ... physics engine ... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ... physics engine ... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah ... physics engine.  Get the picture?  This is a jaw-dropping port from the PC version and will go down as the original Xbox's last hurrah.  If you never played this on PC, you cannot afford to miss the Xbox version of this game.  Being that the graphics are better than on about 60% of the 360 games available, and it runs smoother than about 80% of the 360 games currently out, you won't feel like you're taking a step back with this game.  Plus, it is one of a handful of backward compatible games on the 360 (they keep promising ALL original Xbox games will be compatible with the 360, but have done next to nothing to make fans believe they will actually go through with their plan), and it looks really nice in hi-def.  Own a 360?  Get this game.  Own an original Xbox?  Get this game.  Don't own either?  Get this game (it has pretty cover art with a hip looking geek that you can stare at and say, "I wish I could look hip and still be a geek.  Why am I only a geek?  Where's the 'hip' part of the equation?  Did I just say 'equation'?  I'm such a geek!").  

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2006 Alex Sandell/Cerebellum inc. [All Rights Reserved].  Copy this, without my permission, and the only thing "destructible" in your environment will be your sorry ass!