|Posters, prints and shirts on sale now! Click above and buy some eye-candy for your walls (or masculine chest)!|
Note to stupid people who didn't read the introduction to this update on the first page: This is a list of the best games of the LAST generation of consoles (Sega Dreamcast, Nintendo GameCube, Sony Playstation 2, Microsoft Xbox, Nintendo DS. I didn't count the Sony PSP because I hate it.). This isn't a list of the best games EVER made, although some games on the list (especially the top 10) would probably make that list, as well.
Hey gamers! I know $5.00 for an incredibly excellent game can seem like a ton-o-cash when you can get a Whopper and Chicken Fries at Burger King for the same price, but receiving emails thanking me for all the great games I recommended that readers chose to pick up used at Gamestop doesn't help me or The Juicy Cerebellum. Honest, I swear, I do not make a profit off of this page. If you think any of these games look good, could you maybe pick one up through the links I waste time providing? I only get like 3% commission, but it beats living on the streets, right? Anyway, onto the games!
# 35 Doom 3 (Microsoft Xbox)
|My credibility as a gaming journalist will surely go down the toilet like this afternoon's Taco Bell with gamers the world over, when they notice that I placed Doom 3 one spot above the seminal shooter, Half-Life 2. When I read the list of 45 to my brother and arrived at Doom 3, he was temporarily possessed by Star Jones. "Oh no you didn't," he said, shaking his head rapidly from side to side as he spoke. "Well," I replied, "Half-Life 2 definitely has more to it, but Doom 3 is old-school FPS at its best." My brother's eyes turned that color red you usually only see in a photograph taken at night with a super-powered flash camera during a drunken party with underage girls pretending to be 21. "Sista, nothing beats Half-Life 2. Especially not that cracka-ass Doom 3 shit! Don't even go there, biiiiatch!" I told him to "talk to the hand" and went ahead with the update. Sure, Doom 3 is nothing more than a glorified remake of the first, with stupid A.I. wrapped up in a dark and bloody package of Satanic goodness, but damn if iD didn't get it right. The concept of gun but no flashlight, or flashlight but no gun was poor game design, but I was too busy checking out the bowels of Hell (and Hell did look like the inside of Ron Jeremey's large intestine) to care. It was a fun game, it made me jump a few times, it was a decent length, and the graphics were out of this world. The detail and lighting effects in the game were beyond what I thought the Xbox could pull off, and apparently were beyond what the Xbox 360 can achieve, being that Quake IV on the 360 -- similar in looks -- has slow-down to the point of killing the game, while Doom 3 on the original Xbox runs as smooth as a couple of Big Burritos leaving your wretched rump at the closest available truck stop.|
# 34 Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour (Nintendo GameCube)
If I dropped acid and/or ecstasy, this is
the game I'd play while high. The game is so much fun, it's surprising
Hillary Clinton and Sam Brownback haven't made it illegal. I've heard that
# 33 Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (Nintendo GameCube)
Samus is back in another Metroid Prime
game. The first Metroid Prime was something totally new in the
# 32 Jet Grind Radio (Sega Dreamcast)
What can be said about Jet Grind Radio
that hasn't already been said by every serious gamer with seriously good taste
in games? Radio was honest to fucking god revolutionary. It
was something completely new and it was a blast-and-a-half (I can't believe I
just typed, "blast-and-a-half"). You're a graffiti artist in an oppressive
police state, trying to tag your territory while avoiding the
# 31 Super Smash Bros. Melee (Nintendo GameCube)
|In my Soul Calibur (#42) review, I said I liked one fighter better than the almighty SC. This is it. When it comes to fighters, Super Smash Bros. Melee is the best time you'll have without a garden hose and hooker with a freakishly deep vagina ready for anything you spray its way. I have spent hours upon hours beating my best friends to a bloody pulp with this game. This has also been the best-selling title for the GameCube and when Nintendo announced a follow-up would be released for the Wii at this year's (2006) E3, Nintendo fans around the world took a Wii in their pants (sorry, but I'm entitled one juvenile Wii joke). If you like fighting games, this is better than the second coming of Christ (or at least tied). If you don't like fighting games, this one will convert you to the genre. The graphics are pure eye-candy. The gameplay is as simple or as complex as you want it to be. The moves are funny and unlike anything you've seen before. The characters are funnier than the moves they're able to make. The graphics are smashing (get it? "Smashing?") and this single title makes the GameCube worth the price of admission, alone. Especially now that they're selling the console, along with the game, for only $99.99 (look toward your right, and then order). I paid $249.98 for this game and the GameCube way back when you were still a virgin and felt like I was getting a good deal. You latecomers may as well be stealing the damn thing at the price Nintendo is currently offering. Super Smash Bros. Melee is the best brawler ever created. Yes, it is better than the almighty Street Fighter 2. This game is super (get it? "Super")!!! Do. Not. Miss. It. (Excess periods added for emphasis.)|
Be back soon (I work for myself because I suck at keeping a schedule) for games 30-26!
<<<Back to games 40-36|Forward to games 30-26>>>
Your favorite game missing from the list? Email to piss and moan!
©2006 Alex Sandell/Cerebellum inc. [All Rights Reserved]. Copy this, without my permission, and I'll have bad guys from Doom randomly generate behind your sorry ass and wipe you out, before you even have a chance to turn your flashlight on. Loser!