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Note to stupid people who didn't read the introduction to this update on the first page: This is a list of the best games of the LAST generation of consoles (Sega Dreamcast, Nintendo GameCube, Sony Playstation 2, Microsoft Xbox, Nintendo DS. I didn't count the Sony PSP because I hate it.). This isn't a list of the best games EVER made, although some games on the list (especially the top 10) would probably make that list, as well.
Hey gamers! I know $5.00 for an incredibly excellent game can seem like a ton-o-cash when you can get a Whopper Jr. and Chicken Fries at Burger King for the same price, but receiving emails thanking me for all the great games I recommended that readers chose to pick up used at Gamestop doesn't help me or The Juicy Cerebellum. Honest, I swear, I do not make a profit off of this page. If you think any of these games look good, could you maybe pick one up through the links I waste time providing? I only get like 3% commission, but it beats living on the streets, right? Anyway, onto the games!
# 15 Silent Hill 2 (Sony Playstation 2/Microsoft Xbox)
|It was either this or Fatal Frame II: Director's Cut. Which would be the highest
ranked non-Resident Evil related survival horror title on the list?
Deciding kept me up for nights (or, at the very least, minutes).
Silent Hill had a certain foggy ambience that probably freaked me out more
when I played it than Fatal Frame. On the other hand, Fatal
Frame left me having nightmares after the game was over. Both had
good stories, but Silent Hill 2's made the Hank Hill in me go "ooh, that's some scary shit,
right there, I tell ya" a few more times than Fatal Frame II did. The only thing
hurting Silent Hill 2 was its poor level design. I hated trying
to find my way around that damn run-down hotel. It was a poorly-designed maze and it left me
pissed off more than it did scared. Now don't you just feel like
# 14 Brain Age (Nintendo DS)
|The subtitle of this niche Nintendo title is: "Train Your Brain in Minutes a Day." That's most likely false advertising, but the game is the most addictive thing released since cheese sticks. A game that gets me interested in math deserves so many kudos I don't know where to start. None of my teachers could get me interested in the whole "left brain" side of things. Then this gimmicky handheld game comes along and I'm suddenly an Einstein or arithmetic. Although it is doubtful it makes you any smarter, what Brain Age does do nicely is show how much dumber a person gets when drunk. My bizarre friend-girlfriend hybrid and I bought a bottle of Tequila and decided it would be fun to check our "Brain Age" after each shot. By the 5th slam, my Brain Age had went from 22 to 70. Hers had went from 25 to 80. Nintendo has now proven that drunk girls are easy ... because they're senile! By the 9th shot, we had both forgotten about the game and she decided to eat the worm. Get it? The title also managed to bring my mother back into gaming (such a terribly inappropriate segue). Whenever she visits, she immediately wants to see how her Brain Age is coming along. Sometimes I get the feeling she's happier to see my Nintendo DS than she is me. Oh well. The last time she invested any serious time in a game was chess when she was 42. That was 17 years ago. I figured that out in under a second without the use of a calculator. Thanks for making me mega-smart, Brain Age! now if onlee u did 1 of more abowt writeen!|
# 13 Resident Evil 0 (Nintendo GameCube)
The guys over at Capcom promised that
Resident Evil 0 would be so revolutionary it would change the beloved
franchise forever. They were
# 12 Quake III: Arena (Sega Dreamcast)
How I mourn the greatness that was the
Sega Dreamcast. What with its standard 56K modem (hey, it was fast for its
time) and the fact that it was thinking. I bet it wasn't thinking of being
put out of business by modem-free Sony, just because it didn't have a
mega-cheap, barely-working DVD player included with its
awesomeness. It was probably thinking, "gamers buy consoles for quality
games, not low-budget movie viewers controlled by the marshmallow symbols
found in any given box of Lucky Charms." But it wasn't thinking clearly.
Or maybe it's the gamer who chose a PS2 over a Dreamcast that should be asking
himself, "What the fuck was I thinking?!?" If only Brain Age had
arrived 7 or 8 years earlier. Despite being defeated by the inferior PS2,
the Dreamcast will always be remembered for bringing quality online gaming to
video game consoles (sorry Xbox Live Team -- this is one cyber-cherry that you
didn't pop). Quake III: Arena
played as smooth as a baby's bottom and rivaled its PC counterpart in every possible way. Forget 56K.
This bitch played like it was a DSL connection hooked on Red Bull. No slowdown. No lag.
Just pure gaming blood, guts and
# 11 Star Wars: Rogue Squadron II: Rogue Leader (Nintendo GameCube)
repeats itself. As with the Wii, gamers were all in a tizzy over the
GameCube not being a powerful enough machine. "It's just the N64 in lunchbox
they screamed to anyone willing to listen. Then, as will most likely
happen with the Wii, Nintendo unleashed the GameCube onto the skeptical
public and it
<<<Back to games 20-16|Forward to games 10-6>>>
Your favorite game missing from the list? Email to piss and moan! Or to say, "Hey dude -- pretty good picks." That'd be cool.
©2006 Alex Sandell/Cerebellum inc. [All Rights Reserved]. Copy this, without my permission, and I'll send you to Hell and require the Devil to make you say Star Wars: Rogue Squadron II: Rogue Leader repeatedly for 5,000,000 years.