Date: Wed, 24 Jun 1998 05:53:51
To: Juicy Cerebellum Readers
Written by: Alex Sandell
From: GeoShitties World Excuse Headquarters
Subject: The GeoShitties World Excuse Report Vol. 1, No. 1

In This Issue:


If you're one of the two-million suckers . . . er . . . community members with a site on GeoShitties, you may have noticed a neat little "watermark" on the bottom of your page (no matter where the bottom of your page currently is). It looks like a clear puddle of semen, with the infamous GeoShitties logo inside. The most beautiful part is . . . it never leaves your site! Seriously, we put it there, and there it stays! GeoShitties members have been overjoyed! "I loved the way your watermark made my page look really ugly, and destroyed a lot of the artwork and literature I had on it!" wrote Josef Stalin, a long-standing member. "After those mandatory pop-up ads that froze up computer after computer, I didn't think you guys could outdo yourselves. I am astounded! Forget about burning books; it's watermarks for me!" remarked Adolf Hitler, a new member to the GeoShitties community. "I liked it cus uv tha thang that wuz yoor lowgo that didant leev tha page know mattar how hard I tride to git away frum it. Just like tha ghosts in Miz Pac Man!" said Bubba Dorkweiner, the only GeoShitties member who's been here from the start, and has yet to figure out how to upload a graphic. You can check his page out at Bubba's Own "Speciel" Homepage! GeoShitties received thousands upon thousands of emails regarding the watermark, but decided these three really show the general consensus on how the community feels. One person asked why, if this is a community, community members aren't asked what they think of new GeoShitties scams . . . er . . . ideas before they are implemented. This is simple - we care! Why give you any of that annoying decision-making power, when we can make up your mind for you?


A few of our community members (our current calculations show only 1), have not liked GeoShitties mandatory "Pop-up" ads. We cannot figure out why, being that they're only a huge annoyance, crash web browsers, and freeze up computers. The individual in question actually had the nerve to post a website which states how to implement the <NOSCRIPT> code, which prevents these pop-up ads. Of course we will not tell you how to use this script on your own GeoShitties page, for it is wrong to do, and unfair to your other community members. We will though, warn you that anyone who posts instructions on how to use this code will be shot upon sight. Yes, at GeoShitties we care, but it's mostly about ourselves.


Some of you (of course, only a small percentage) have been wondering why, if GeoShitties is truly a community, we get to make all the money, and you, who are the only reason we're here, can't make anything. Well, we are a community, and we respect all opinions (with exceptions to the ones that don't necessarily agree with our CEO's), and have decided to let you make a little money! Can you now place ads for a T-Shirt on your page? Let me hear you scream . . . NO! Can you advertise whatever you would like, if your page gets requests to put up banner ads? Let me hear you scream . . . NO! Only GeoShitties can do these things. What you can do is advertise Anusson, on your site! You see, GeoShitties has worked out a little arrangement where we get a small percentage of the profit earned from each book our community members sell. With two-million community members, a "small percentage" ads up to a "big profit." "Isn't this really just another way for GeoShitties to make a couple more million?" you ask. Well . . . yes, it is. But this time we're hoping we can brainwash stupid people into thinking that we're being nice guys. So, dream a little, and watch those checks for $1.32 a year come rolling in!


Independence. It's more than just a word. It's a way to make money. At GeoShitties, we encourage independence, as long as it's within our guidelines. If you have a site you feel is independent, please tell us about it at! To qualify as an independent site, you must follow these rules:

1. Your site must not say anything negative about GeoShitties.
2. GeoShitties must not consider your site to be negative.
3. Your site must be similar to everything else on the web.
4. There must not be any vulgarity, with exception to the words "poop," "pee," and "anus," if used medically.
5. Your site may not be independent.

1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved] Using this without permission from the author will cause your head to shrink, and anus to shrivel. (Hehe, I'm being "independent.")

Visit GeoShitties

GeoShitties is damn proud to admit that it has no affiliation with GeoCities.

Back to the table of brains 1998

Back to the mind-map.