The Top 11.5 Things George W. Has To Be Thankful About This Thanksgiving
Written By:  Alex Sandell
Best Viewed In:  "Green Fuz" Font

11.5 His eerie way of making putting the Ten Commandments into public schools look like a sensible way to thwart more terrorist attacks on American soil.

11.  He was never caught and convicted under the harsh penalties that he supports for drug offenders.

10. Because "your private life should remain private" as long as you're a Republican, and The Democrats didn't attack him for his past sins, such as drunk driving, like the Republicans attacked Bill Clinton for past sins like allegedly getting it on with a lot of white trash girls with big butts in Arkansas, which was far less dangerous than driving down the road too tipsy to walk straight, putting hundreds of people's lives at risk.

09.  Americans are just shell-shocked enough, after the WTC bombings, to forget that what makes this country great are all the civil liberties George W. and his administration are trying, and actually succeeding in, taking away.

08.  Beverly Hillbillies marathons on TV Land.

07.  His magical powers which convince people that a Missile Defense System is more important now, than ever before, being that three planes were used as missiles, and would not have been detected, anyway, but those planes, "could have been missiles, if they weren't planes, and were actually missiles."

06.  Two words:  Butterfly Ballots.

05.  The corporations who are convincing people that buying stuff that they can't afford is patriotic, even though not being able to pay for it a couple of years down the line is a crime.  Will a wall be built for all of those prisoners of credit card debt that contributed to this war by buying a bunch of useless junk be built in Washington for the country to come and mourn over (especially after that new Bush-Party law that passed making it nearly impossible for a normal citizen to claim bankruptcy, while making it easier for a rich dude to claim the same)?

04.  The news is now all owned by corporations, who feel obligated to create fake polls giving George a 90% approval rating, so they can merge with one another and have a massive corporate Orwellian orgy and own the entire world.

03.  The Victoria's Secret special, lots of lubricant, and Viagra popping.

02.  Cutting every social program that helps the struggling people in America, while ADDING more to the tax cut that he created for the richest of the rich, which will completely destroy the economy, and chalking it up as "patriotic."  Republicans always want to "trickle down" as if the rich are so fucking generous, and have such tiny bladders.

01.  With Osama, he finally found a rich son of an oil tycoon who actually makes him look good!

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Copyright 2001 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  Copy this, without my permission, and I swear, you'll have NOTHING to be thankful for!

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