The Trouble With GeoCities
Written By: Alex Sandell

Remember our old pal, Tex? The fart in the wind hiding behind a Hotmail account, and fake name, while claiming he was a lawyer? He was insignificant. He was a coward. From what I hear, he hit on the women who wrote to him, asking why he wanted to take down this page.

Yet, that fart was stinky.

That fart was bitter over being a fart. That fart was knocked off its pedestal, when I didn't run away from it, with my nose plugged. That fart knew it didn't even add up to shit, when my page stayed online, and I simply pulled out a can of "Lysol" and blew it away.

That fart was out for revenge.

So, it did what it could. It called my IP, ranting and raving about how it's a "lawyer," not a fart, and it wanted to be smelled. It was sick of being insignificant, and laughed at. It was out for power.

That fart signed me up for a bunch of listserves, and put my email address down for a bunch of pornographic literature. But that fart didn't stop there. That fart was one of those clinging farts.

Although that particular fart claimed to be a big defender of "free speech" on the 'net, it sent itself up the nostrils of the thousands of farts at GeoCities, and dragged them to my page. You see; one fart usually follows another, and GeoCities was no exception.

(As a sidenote: Upon reading this update, I'm sure Tex will feel he's had his revenge. Now maybe I'll be "expelled" from the 'net, for having an opinion, just like he wanted. That hick of a fart will feel he served up his brand of "justice" by destroying all that he claimed to "defend.")

GeoCities went to my site. It saw the satirical update Tex pointed it toward, featuring a similar corporation named "GeoShitties", and went off the wall. You see, people with the most to hide, have the most to defend. And defend GeoCities is trying to do.

Today GeoCities emailed the host of this site a letter. The email asked that all updates "defaming" GeoCities be removed. It said I was wrecking the good name of GeoCities, in the GeoShitties update. Adolph Hitler had a good name once.

I would print this letter, but farts are usually private, and GeoCities is no exception. It placed a warning on the email stating that it may only be read by the person who it was intended for. You see, it didn't want to spread its nasty gas around the web anymore than it had to. It wanted to keep up the clean "friendly" image it thinks that it has. In other words, it was trying to hold its fart.

I think that anyone reading this article should post it ANYWHERE that they can. Upload it to newsgroups. Place it on your website. Send it to as many people as you know. I have copyrighted it; but all I ask, if you use it, is that you name its source, at the top of the article ( let everyone know what GeoCities thinks of Freedom of Speech.

Tell everyone that GeoCities may be taking me to court, over a satirical update. Let them know that Not only have they emailed the host of this site, they have phoned him. A Telephone call confirming the fact that a fart doesn't believe in the First Amendment.

A call confirming that a fart doesn't have a sense of humor, although you'll find most people laugh at it. A fart doesn't understand it's a joke.

I guess my satire hit too close to home, this time. Being that a multi-million (if not billion) dollar company like GeoCities is getting all worked up about a $10,000-a-year Juicy Cerebellum website posting a comedic, satirical (I cannot stress satirical enough) update about their "service." maybe their is some truth behind the article, after-all.

From the letters I have received, from GeoCities users, and Ex-GeoCities webmasters, my satirical update really seems to have hit upon the truth. GeoCities stinks. Or, so I've been told.

GeoCities. What's more annoying than a bunch of profit-hungry gas-bags trying to be your friend? Maybe a bunch of paranoid twists suing your ass off.

GeoCities. It's a "community" they say. Well, I'm a member of that community (my old site is actually still on their server, albeit censored). Why are the leaders of that community so upset with me?

GeoCities. "Free Speech for all, unless 'all' talk about them."

What did I do wrong? What is the difference between my "GeoShitties" update, and an episode of "Saturday Night Live"? One episode of "SNL" can contain 5 or 10 skits which "defame" a public figure, corporation, or media event.

GeoCities says that my graphic (see above) is too close to theirs. It's a trademark infringement, they claim. I wonder if a show like "Saturday Night Live", or a magazine such as "Mad" is trying their hardest to make their satirical Newt Gingrich look nothing like the real Newt Gingrich? Of course not. Newt is meant to look like Newt.

The point of satire is to satirize. "GeoCities" became "GeoShitties" and a nice looking city became a vision of Hell. A lot of people told me that it made them laugh. With GeoCities' poor sense of humor, it looks like they can't do much more than sit around and stink up a courtroom.

So, the fumes are coming to "get me." The gigantic corporation is coming after the little guy. Totally disregarding things such as "Freedom of Speech," which lie in its path.

I say, bring 'em on. David is getting tired of people pissing down his neck, and obviously Goliath still has a few rocks in his head.

With Tex (who's still never given me his real name, email address, or bar number, for those two states he's a "lawyer" in) and Stephani being obvious frauds, and GeoCities coming off as nothing more than a gigantic bully, trying to push me over, in this treasured playground known as "Freedom" . . . it's two little farts down, one big one to go.

Thank Heaven I have lots of "Lysol" to spare.

1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. This article may be reprinted, if it is clearly stated that it originally came from

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