Written by: Alex Sandell

Defective people. People who hide their emotions. They call it a "defense mechanism." For some reason they can show anger. They can show lust. They can laugh. They cannot show someone that they miss them. They cannot show love. They cannot cry. Not if it isn't to their best advantage.

They use crying, though. These bastards without feeling. These cold hearted little shits without a soul. They can cry for hours. They cry until they get what they want. Once they get it, they never cry again. Suddenly they're all out of tears.

Instead of having feelings, these people simply learn how to touch. These whores. They want someone to hold them, but once they've been held, they walk away without as much as a smile. It's for them. They find sanctuary in person after person. One night stand after one night stand. It's a way to feel human. That's all. If you ask how they can do this, they tell you that they "just can." Some of them have an ace up their sleeve. They tell you that they're "not ready for a commitment."

Never trust anyone who uses that line. It's a misprint. It's meant to read, "I'm too impressive to even sacrifice a portion of my wonderful self to somebody else." The "not ready for a commitment" people. These people are robots covered with flesh and blood. Avoid them.

They can rob you of your dignity. They can tear open who you are and spit down the split figure that you've became. They can brainwash you. They can give you a sense of despair so low down in the pit of your stomach that it feels it can never be retrieved. They cannot feel guilt.

Why? So they don't have to be sad. They're not only afraid to show their emotions, they're afraid of having emotions. Life is a game to them. They don't think of the pawns they USE in this game. They don't think of the knights that get knocked off of the board. They think of themselves. The kings and queens of existence.

If you confront them on this, they will smile. They will turn away. They'll even cry, if they think they can squeeze another drop of sympathy out of your tired body. Don't give it to them. Don't give in to their self-hatred.

Cry, but don't let them see you. That's what brings them pleasure. That's what makes them feel loved, without ever having to be in love.

Don't ever let yourself become one of them. Do not detach yourself from your pain. You only detach yourself from any real pleasure. You lock yourself inside of yourself for all of time. They are the bad guys. They are what's wrong.

You know just who I'm talking about. You've dated him. You've been crushed by her. You've been there five-hundred times. You always ask yourself, "how could I have been fooled again?"

What are you going to do about it? Are you going to call them on the telephone? Stand outside their window? Are you going to beg, like you've done all those times before? Keep holding on, waiting for the day they say, "I love you." They won't. Kings and queens never change. They just find new pawns to play with.

Don't ever gaze into their eyes and forget who these people are. Don't ever forget what they've done. Don't become another pedestal for them to stand on.

Let them be alone with their misery. Their confusion. Their self-centered delusion, which they call a life.

What they don't know is that all the emotions they've locked away will come back and haunt them. Ten children and a husband at their side, and they'll still die alone. They will never know love. They won't allow it.

Let the fuckers feel the poison that they've spit at so many others eat them alive. Let them drown in a bottle of alcohol. Let them find out how much 70 years of accumulated misery can hurt.

I know you're out there. I know you're reading this. I hope you're crying.

This one's for you.

1998 Alex Sandell [all rights reserved].

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