27 ways to tell
when you're getting really horny
Written by: Alex Sandell
You get yourself drunk, in hopes you'll get laid.
Your hand starts looking like more than . . . just a hand.
You decide a trip to Las Vegas wouldn't be so bad, after-all.
Holes all over your body seem to have "welcome" signs hanging over them.
You start wondering if incest is really "all that bad" a thing.
Assignments for health-class become more than just homework.
When the local gas-station runs out of the newest "Playboy," you pick up the latest issue of "Big Fat Mommas" for $8.95.
You have new carpet laid, just so someone is "getting it."
You sign up under a fake name at the video store, and begin browsing those shelves.
Some guy screams "shove it up your ass," and you start looking for something.
You're kicked out of the local grocery-store for "pumpkin sniffing."
Chatrooms start to look welcoming. *S* *L* *G* ;) LOL!
You begin getting jealous of all those teachers getting arrested for having sex numerous time with their hormone-laden 10th-grade students.
You wish you were in 10th grade.
You wonder why masturbation isn't an official Olympic event.
You find yourself spending hours in laundry-mats, just staring at the spinning undies.
You start hanging out at "Star Trek" conventions, looking for potential dates.
You have ulterior-motives, when volunteering at the local nursing-home.
You find yourself with an erection, after watching an episode of "Touched By An Angel."
Your friends are becoming afraid of you, after declaring "I really thought Michael Bolton was sexier, before cutting his hair."
You start making passes at your friends.
Blind-dates begin to sound "thrilling."
Ugly people just aren't ugly anymore.
You rub anti-perspirant all over your genitals, "just to try something new."
You convince yourself that cybersex is more than just another form of masturbation.
Watching an epileptic convulse is the most arousing thing you've seen in "YEARS!"
yourself browsing through Fantasy Man's lame excuse for a
©1998 Alex Sandell [ALL RIGHTS RESERVED] If you feel the need to copy this, without permission, I'll have a "Big Fat Momma" sit on your face, right before suing your unoriginal ass off.
Back to the table of sex . . . er . . . brains!