It's NOt For You
written by: Alex sandell

The last three weeks of my life have been hell. I'm writing this update in a "stencil" font, as a reflection of the feelings brought on, and memories mucked-up, during this time. In three weeks, my opinion on humanity has sunk to an all-time low and I feel stenciled onto a black and white race which is blind to anything but the obvious, and ignores the obvious if led by the blind.

A race of animals caught in the middle of the evolutionary ladder. Smart enough to destroy an entire planet, and too stupid to know how to fix it. We're still growing into our brains, and if the last few weeks, and the people I've met during them, are any indication, I think we're growing far too slowly.

Humanity likes to see itself as noble. We donate a few dollars to the rain-forest foundation. Send a couple bucks to Ethiopia. We see ourselves as good people, by doing this. But what is it that we're actually doing? Why does this money need to be donated? Who created the problems our few dollars are hoping to solve? Humanity. We're donating money to save ourselves from ourselves.

We like to believe we're advancing, but starting at the beginning isn't close to enough, because we're working from the very end. A few dollars isn't going to do it. Writing a homepage isn't going to do it. At this point, do we even know what "it" even is?

Self-absorbed little creatures, all of us. Anyone that dares step out of his or her self-involvement, will be ridiculed right back inside. Outside of the celluloid and storybooks, righteousness is not a virtue, it is a sin. Humans will trample it.

Am I any better? Are you? Probably not. But we like to pretend. When we're not busy patting ourselves on the back, we're spending our time worshipping another. The only thing we like better than putting ourselves on a pedestal, is putting someone else there. None of us can breathe on that pedestal, our heads can't think clearly, it's too much responsibility, and we fall. If we don't fall, we're kicked off, by the very same person/people that wanted us there in the first fucking place.

Do you try to do good? Do I? As long as it doesn't get in the way of our instinctual, biological needs and urges. It's easy to complain about the woman cheating on her husband, but the fact that there's something not right about you being the man that she's lying under, is a bit harder to comprehend. Guilt can be swallowed in one easy gulp. "If it wasn't with me, she would have done it with somebody else."

The last three weeks of my life have been hell. I've made a lifetime of enemies in these 21 days. Each one would like to believe this update is written for them, because of them. It isn't. It's written for everyone else. The bad guys aren't worth my time.

1998 alex sandell [all rights reserved]. please ask, before you use this, or any other article on the juicy cerebellum. Thanks.

dude, try some Prozac, or something. While you're at it, send me back to the table of brains.