15 Thoughts Thunk By Total Idiots
Written by: Alex Sandell

Rednecks, trailer-trash, the Southern half of the United States; whatever title you choose to place on these people is unnecessary when a simple "idiot" will do. Unfortunately, these beings do think between six-packs and the thoughts thought out can actually be dangerous if enough morons stand behind them (see the impeachment of Bill Clinton, for example). Here are the 15 most commonly thought out thoughts thought by absolute assholes.

Thought # 1: "Blacks are 'bad'"
Rationale behind this thought: "because they're not white".

Thought # 2: "Women are 'bitches'"
Rationale behind this thought: "why get a date when the sheep outback does the job?"

Thought # 3: "Dogs are 'man's best friend'"
Rationale behind this thought: "sometimes sheep won't put-out."

Thought # 4: "Voting is 'useless' unless it's for a pro-wrestler"
Rationale behind this thought: There is none. And it happened in the North. *Gulp*

Thought # 5: "Red means 'rev up the engines', green means 'RACE'"
Rationale behind this thought: Why settle for NASCAR once a week, when you have Broadway and a stoplight every-fuckin'-day?

Thought # 6: "Heavy Metal isn't dead, it's just in 'hibernation'"
Rationale behind this thought: "how can it be dead when 'Slaughter' just sold-out the local pub last night?"

Thought # 7: "'Artsy-Fartsy' flicks suck big cock"
Rationale behind this thought: "They're too hard to understand and don't have enough explosions."

Thought # 8: "A six-pack is your best friend"
Rationale behind this thought: "What the hell else is there to do with your buddies on a Friday night?"

Thought # 9: "Cow-tipping is a gift from the Gods"
Rationale behind this thought: "It gives us something else to do, once we've ran out of beer."

Thought # 10: "Homosexuals should be shot"
Rationale behind this thought: "Too much fucking ammo, too little brains."

Thought # 11: "Every boy's best friend is his 'momma'"
Rationale behind this thought: "Inbreeding is necessary to keep the South alive" (Note from editor: the Southern folk I contacted for this update were not aware of what the word "inbreeding" means and therefore did not know they were doing it. I'm sure they send out their deepest of regrets.)

Thought # 12: "Hey, we get free rent and pretty damn good pay"
Rationale behind this thought: "I'm an idiot from the North who is trying to justify my absurd move to the South and sudden turn for the worse."

Thought # 13: "Anything we don't understand, we must destroy"
Rationale behind this thought: "Destroying stuff is fun."

Thought # 14: "Crosses were meant to be burned"
Rationale behind this thought: "Church is only one day a week."

Thought # 15: "'The Juicy Cerebellum' sucks!"
Rationale behind this thought: "It calls us for the idiots we are and has the nerve to put us in our place. Plus, it believes in 'free-speech' for everyone, not just stupid morons."

©1998 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved]. If you're from the South, and can read this, you're too smart.

Back to the table of brains 1998

Back to the mind-map.