The Juicy Cerebellum

Three in the Morning

Posted: 03/06/08

Hillary had this one coming for her fear-mongering "3 in the Morning" red telephone advertisement she scared the poop out of gullible dummies in Texas and Ohio by airing. Written, directed, narrated and edited by yours truly. This, my friends, is reality. Watch. Enjoy. And rate it 5 stars, alright? Click for video>>>

Hillary Clinton and the Mainstream Media Back in Bizarro World
Posted: 03/03/08

"The Clinton crew made their permanent residence in Bizarro World long before they transplanted themselves to New York. Hillary's latest bizarre attempt at gaining credibility has been to claim the media has been unfair to her. The very same media who has continued to treat her either as an underdog or as a front runner (whichever best suited her purposes) even after losing 11 in a row. Being in Bizarro together no one in the MSM points out the irony of Hillary getting free airtime on David Letterman, Saturday Night Live, 60 Minutes and The Daily Show all within a 5 day period leading up to "Junior Super Tuesday" (Texas, Ohio, Rhode Island and Vermont). Using these valuable media moments the media has given her for free to point out how unfair the media is toward her." Click for full editorial>>>

The Case for Barack Obama; Hillary and the Smell of Mothballs

Posted: 02/01/08

"As a United States Senator, Hillary Clinton has been a rubber stamp for George W. (Pre-emptive War in Iraq, 2001 Bankruptcy Bill, designating the Iranian National Guard as a Terrorist Organization) in much the same way her husband played rubber-stamp to Newt Gingrich and his conservative cronies (WTO, Contract for America, Welfare Reform). Senator Barack Obama pushes us forward without forgetting the past and he's not playing as anyone's stamp -- rubber or otherwise. Senator Obama belongs as much to the future as he does to the PRE-Clinton Democratic party. The great party that left so many feeling proud and helped so many more achieve their dreams. The party of JFK and FDR. This should not be forgotten and the politics of hope truly need to replace the politics of cynicism and fear that have ruled over the U.S. for decades." Click for full review>>>

In Honor of My Mother and the Power of Love

Essay Posted: 01/29/08

"My mother, Miriam A. Solomon, died on January 20, which happened to be the seventh anniversary of the inauguration of a man and a presidential regime that she loathed. Once, several years ago, when I referred to George W. Bush as 'an idiot,' she made a correction by pointing out he's much worse than that; she used the adjective 'evil.'" Click for full essay>>>

There Will Be Blood

Review Posted: 01/22/08

There Will Be Blood is one of those movies that's just good enough to make you wish it were better. Overall I liked the movie, but I wanted to love it. And I did until the screenplay got lazy and pulled a "17 years later" type stunt that was uncharacteristic of the deliberately paced, honest and compelling story that preceded it. At over 2 and a half hours There Will Be Blood was still too short. Why? Click for full review>>>

Run, Republican, Run!

Posted: 01/17/08

I haven't posted a video in a LONG time. So, to make up for lost time I'm posting two (one today and one tomorrow). This one uses the Nintendo Wii's "Check Mii Out" channel to figure out whether the next President of the United States will be a Republican or a Democrat. And you thought the Wii was "last-gen." Could a last-gen console pick the President? Exactly. Click. Watch. Enjoy. And rate it 5 stars, alright? That isn't too much to ask for free entertainment, is it? Anyway, have fun! Click for video>>>

Anybody But Hillary

Posted: 01/09/08

Bill Clinton did more damage to the Democratic Party than any Republican ever could. He made the party corporate. He got the party to pass NAFTA (which is why your job's in Mexico) and the WTO (which is why your child's sucking on a toy made with lead paint). He lost millions of Americans their jobs. He gutted what Reagan had left of the regulatory agencies that kept Americans safe from things like toys with lead paint. He did nothing good for this country. The economy would have boomed with or without him -- it was the Internet, stupid! When that bubble burst the illusion of Bill making us better off should have burst along with it, but the public is ill-informed. George W. Bush was no better. But Hillary Clinton will be no better than George W. Bush. And if you believe anything else you deserve the Clinton you get. Neither Bill or Hillary are Democrats. They run as Democrats, but in their heart of hearts they are Conservative Republicans. Jesus, people -- look at their voting records! It isn't too hard to figure out who they truly represent. Click for full article>>>

Shoot 'em Up
Review Posted: 01/04/08

You know what I hate? The fact that this gem of an action movie failed at the box-office. If you count the singularly excellent experience that is Grindhouse as two separate movies (and the fucking Weinstein Company certainly does) -- that makes the three greatest, most irreverent thrillrides of 2007 complete financial duds. What are you people paying to see, anyway? Spider-Man 3?!? Shoot 'Em Up would fit in perfectly with Grindhouse. It may be even more over-the-top than the two main features in that film. It's more like those classic fake trailers found in the Tarantino/Rodriguez masterpiece. Think Machete and you'll have some idea of what you're in for with this movie (if you missed the Machete trailer that was included with Grindhouse, you can still check it out on the Planet Terror DVD). This is a balls-to-the-wall, explosion of gun-porn that's so crazy it could get the testosterone pumping in a corpse. It's a man, a carrot, a baby in a bullet-proof vest, a thousand dead bodies, a million guns and a billion bullets. And oh, is it ever fun ... Click for full review>>>

Alien vs. Predator: Requiem
Review Posted: 01/03/08

It would be nearly impossible to make a movie with an Alien and a Predator fighting suck. But somehow Paul W.S. Anderson managed to do the impossible and create a PG-13 train wreck of a film with his 2004 original. Defying all odds, The Brothers Strause (don't ask) have puked up a movie that's even worse with Alien vs. Predator: Requiem. The acting is laughably bad, the dialog is worse and -- sin of all sins -- the aliens and predator aren't cool (Predator), scary (Alien) or both (Aliens). The only thing this movie gets right is its R rating. And by the time the film's finished you'll realize how little a rating matters when the movie itself was created by talentless hacks who should be taking your order at Burger King before you see the movie, rather than working on the movie you're about to see. Alien vs. Predator: Requiem is a franchise-killer. It's not even good enough to be as bad as a terrible straight-to-video teen slasher such as, I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer. To those just looking for some fun action and gore -- look somewhere else. Most of the kills in AVP:R are ultra-fast or off-screen. A few tiny snips and the film could have been a PG-13. Even Paul W.S. Anderson's PG-13 AVP abomination left 2 of the greatest monsters in sci-fi history with a little bit of dignity intact. The Brothers Strause, taking a break from making crappy special FX in crappy movies like Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer to instead direct a crappy movie with crappy special FX, have absolutely no ability to properly stage or direct an action or suspense scene; making both creatures look like B-grade monsters that should be hidden in a Black Lagoon somewhere. Click for full review>>>

No Country for Old Men
Review Posted: 01/03/08

No Country for Old Men is a well-crafted film with some quirky, funny dialog and that brutal violence that is becoming a Coen Bros. trademark. Still, when compared to similar Coen output like Fargo and Blood Simple, the movie is a disappointment. It's far too close to Blood Simple for its own good, with the Coen Bros. rehashing many of the same tricks that worked so well for them in the past. In a lot of ways the movie is almost a remake of both Fargo and Blood Simple. A more meandering version of two superior films. The comedy and clever dialog that was in Fargo is nearly non-existent in this one and the suspense -- which does still manage to work -- isn't as original as it was when it was found in Blood Simple 23 years prior. But what hurts No Country for Old Men more than anything is its repetitive nature. That said, there's a lot to like here. Click for full review>>>

Once

Review Posted: 01/03/08

Show of hands: How many of you singing the praises of this film (and hopefully you can sing better than Glen Hansard) are college age, majoring in liberal arts and building your identities by declaring your love for this trite, poorly made, low-budget independent film? How many of you keep your non-"Hollywood" DVDs on display in milk-crates in your dorm room, as a mating call and status symbol? That's what I thought. Show of hands: How many people who didn't raise your hands for the first two questions LOVED this movie? Or even saw it? No one? That's what I figured. Horribly shot, horribly lit and filled with mediocre acting and horrible songs, this is one to avoid. Not only isn't it "the best movie of 2007" or "one of the best musicals ever made," it's quite possibly the worst movie to ever receive critical acclaim. I guess what makes this movie "real" is the shaky hand-held camera. It's like Michael J. Fox forgot to take his Parkinson's meds and was told to shoot the movie using his palm as a tripod. Click for full review>>>

You Are Alone

Review Posted: 01/03/08

This movie is every bit as depressing as its title implies. It leaves a lingering feeling of sadness that even a 12 pack of Guinness beer won't wash away (trust me, I gave it a shot). That being said, you may need to suck on a joint or two to smoke away the film's imperfections. It tries too hard to be poetic with some of its dialog occasionally coming off as flowery and fake. The older guy in the movie (Buddy) seems a little TOO out of it to be believable for his age. It seems more like a teenage girl is explaining her sexuality to an asexual 70-year-old extra-terrestrial virgin who is only visiting earth for a day, than it does a teenager explaining her sexual practices to someone from the planet earth in their late 30s with a working penis. In the Internet age, it's pretty hard to believe this guy would be so unaware of the sexual world around him (unless he's working for Mike Huckabee).
Click for full review>>>