Chapter 2:
You've been served...

"I think Pulp Fiction will be a hit," I mumble into the answering machine, "even people in a small-town like this will want to see it."

Are you Alex Sandell?

"Reservoir Dogs, and Quentin Tarantino himself, have gained quite a following on video, and I know a lot of people around Alexandria that want to see this new one."

Yes.

"They keep saying it's Travolta's comeback, and Uma Thurman is supposedly the next big thing." The cinema's answering machine listens patiently as I emphatically argue my case.  "I also wouldn't be too quick to count out established names like Christopher Walken, Bruce Willis, Harvey Keitel and Samuel L. Jackson."  

You've been served.

"I know you think it's just another 'arthouse' movie, but I have to stress, once again, that I think Pulp Fiction will immediately appeal to a wide audience.  To pass it over and get another idiotic action movie or dorky comedy is insane; at least from a business perspective."

What is this, officer?  

"My life has basically been movies.  I live, eat and breathe them.  I have a feel for these things.  You don't want to pass up on Pulp Fiction, and I don't want to drive two hours to see it in a bigger city."

It's a harassment order filled out by the owner of the cinema.  

"If you were to get it on opening weekend, we'd both benefit.  You'd have a sold-out auditorium and I'd save on fuel."

Can I do anything about it?  Don't I have a right to dispute this?

"I mean, how could anyone resist seeing a pudgy John Travolta dancing with Uma Thurman at a fifties' diner?"

You can go to court and argue it in two weeks, but until then you cannot contact the theater owner, or employees of the theater, through email, phone or any other way.  You may not enter the theater premises.  You cannot take pictures of the theater.  You cannot visit the theater owner's home.  You may not contact the theater owner's daughters.  No one you know can go to the theater and argue on your behalf.  If any of your friends decide to stick up for you by contacting a theater employee you will be arrested.  If you choose not to make the court date, this will automatically turn into a 1-year restraining order keeping you away from the theater, the theater owner, the theater owner's family and all employees of the theater.  

"I've been your best customer.  I go to movies at your theater at least once a week.  It seems like you could do this one little favor for me and get Pulp Fiction."

I have never even met the owner of the theater.  Never.  I've never been to his house.  The first time I knew where he lived is when you handed me his address on this harassment order.  I've never contacted his daughters!  Why is he claiming that I contacted his daughters through email?  I don't even talk to them when they're behind the counter selling tickets.  Can he just make stuff up like this?  Him getting away with this wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that he's the Mayor, would it?

"Anyway, I've said my piece.  If you don't get Pulp Fiction, I'll just go see it somewhere else.  I really do think that I am doing you a favor by recommending you get it.  You don't know what a sleeper hit it is going to be."  

These are all things you have to take up with the judge.  I'm only here to serve the papers.  I don't know why it says you contacted his daughters through email.  I can't answer any of these questions for you.  All I can tell you is that it would be smart to keep quiet and not let anyone know about this, hopefully avoiding any trouble you could get into if one of your friends or family members decide to take this up with him.  That would only lead to you spending 3 nights in jail.  

"Thanks for listening to this message.  You can call me back if you have any questions.  Bye."

Is this freedom of speech?  This guy can make stuff up about me -- blatant lies -- and I don't have the right to say anything about it?  I have to just keep my mouth shut?  This man can wreck my image by making me look like some kind of stalker, when I've never even met him?  When I've only called his theater in regards to a few movies and have sent him a couple emails in regards to how poorly I am treated by the employees at his theater?  He's the one that basically stole $12.00 from me when the speaker wasn't working at What Lies Beneath and the hum it was giving off began giving me seizure activity, and 1 minute into the movie, which was sold-out, I had to leave, and the manager refused to give me a refund, even though he could have simply turned around and resold the tickets. This is America?  This is what we call freedom?  Now you're leaving?  You can't even answer these questions?  You can't respond to my statements?  By "serve and protect" do you mean "serve papers and protect wealthy theater owners who also happen to be Mayors of small towns?"  Don't you even have an opinion?  I'm just stuck with this thing?  What if he chooses to say I went to his theater, or contacted him, when I didn't?  Would I get arrested?  Don't I have a right to know what's going on and how this could happen?

Head to Chapter 3

Head to the next chapter in this ongoing saga of corruption, courtroom battles, abusive cops and 300-pound, suicidal inmates who give damn good massages!!!  Pay attention, or you could be the next one to be framed!

2001 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  Copy this, without my permission, and you'll find out just why white rooms are to fancy diners as stinky shit is to pretty flowers!

The Juicy Cerebellum is a nonprofit website (at least we haven't made a damn penny, yet) full of a bunch of brutal, yet honest, crap you can't read anywhere else. We do not accept corporate ads, and we rely on reader support to keep the site REAL. If you enjoyed this update, and want to see more like it, please send a dollar or three (or whatever you can spare) to:

Alex Sandell
PO Box 331
Alexandria, MN 56308

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