10 Things I Hate About Jews
Written by:  Alex Sandell

First of all, this update is going to take me about 2.3 minutes to write, so if you notice any typos, please don't bother writing, bee-cause I alredy kn21ow that they're they're.  If I don't know, I don't care.  Second of all, this intro. is over, and here are the ten things you came here for:

Thing Number 1:

I no longer guarantee that I will respond to every email that is sent to this page.  If you send in emails, looking for a response, you do it at your own risk.  You may or may not get an email back.  Frankly, I'm sick and butt-fucking tired of Jews, and other people, writing to me and then bitching if they don't get a response within 2.2257 seconds.  It oftentimes takes me a month or two to respond.  On occasion I lose an email (IE - delete it, thinking I already responded) before I send my reply.  Finally, I only get a response to my response about 1 out of every 5 times, which is totally ironic, since 4 out of the 5 people that don't respond to my response had bitched at me for not responding to them.

Thing Number 2:

I will no longer pay for "everything but the plane ticket" if you want to come to Minnesota and fuck me.  I used to offer to pay for dinner and shit, but now I have realized that 50% of the women I've met through the 'net are psychotic, 99% are bitches, and 100% of them aren't worth the money.  0% of them are Jews.  Weird.

Thing Number 3:

If you don't like the smell of pee in my toilet you fix the handle and flush it.  I don't feel like it.  Sorry.

Thing Number 4:

Yes, I am deliberately pushing your buttons.  How can I resist?  They're just so sexy.  Like nipples, only buttony-er.

Thing Number 5:

Thing number 5 has been deleted in an attempt to save me from going to a concentration camp.

Thing Number 6:

If you move to Minnesota and want me to become your friend you won't succeed.  I don't like friends, they get in the way of my enemies.

Thing Number 7:

Big tits are better than small ones.  If you are wearing an A or B cup, and are insecure over the size of your breasts, well . . . you should be.  If you're Jewish and have big tits, well, email me.

Thing Number 8:

Pierce Brosnan has nasal passages.  I don't think he's a Jew.

Thing Number 9:

Republicans are primarily idiots.  Doctors are primarily Republicans.  Doctors take care of you.  That's why so many people are currently dead.

Thing Number 10:

No, this update initially had nothing to do with Jews, or my supposed hatred of ten things about them.  Yes, the title WAS just for shock value.  Yes, I did add a few lines about Jews to keep you curious.  I actually like Jews.  Most of them are liberal, and that's something I love.  It also seems that every person I'm related to marries a Jew and 72.333% of my friends are Jewish.  My favorite living director is Jewish (Steven Spielberg) and my favorite living screenwriter is Jewish (Woody Allen) and my favorite dead singer was Jewish (Joey Ramone).  Oh, and I hate Hitler.  He was a fucker.  He mighta been okay if he had been a Jew, and wasn't a crazy racist asshole named Hitler.  How many of you Nazi shit-weasels did I bait?

Thing Number 11:

Putting a thing number 11 renders the "10 Things" title entirely irrelevant.  This is exactly why you shouldn't judge a book by its cover or an update by its title.  Admit it, I had you pissed.  I had you convinced I was racist.  You should think before you freak out.  If you are/were truly open-minded, you would read to the end BEFORE you judge.  This is exactly how the confusion and hatred start.  Please slap yourself.

Thing Number 12:

If you thought thing number 11 was trying to teach you some sort of lesson you're right.  If you didn't think that, you're dumb, and most likely white-trash, rather than a Jew. Enjoy your NASCAR, you idiot.  (Yes, I do realize that 1 out of every 1,000,000 NASCAR fans are intelligent, friendly people, and not Confederate flag flying dildos.)

Thing Number 13:

Now that thing number 11 had a message, related to the title, the title of this update is no longer irrelevant.  How quickly things change.  I suppose thing number 11 feels bad for lying.

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ęCopyright 2001 Alex Sandell [All Rights Reserved].  Remember Auschwitz?  It was Boy Scout Camp compared to what will happen to you if you copy this article without my permission.