The Juicy take on the season premiere of
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Written by:  Alex Sandell

Three minutes to eight, and all my friends and I gathered around the television, for a little, "must see t.v.".  Minutes of ads flew by us, trying to sell me cars, and other junk that I didn't need (John Travolta and Dustin Hoffman?), then finally it began to air.  Jerry jumped over the NBC logo (or something like that), as the announcer indicated that it was that time.   The special time that all 7 (well, at least it's a lucky number, right?) of my close, personal friends gathered around the t.v. set for.  Time to see if this season would put Seinfeld back on track, after last year's sick fiasco of slapstick garbage.     

It started with Jerry and George sitting in the infamous coffee shop that they like to sit in (boy, that sentence was well phrased).  Only, there was a twist - George had a mustache.  Hee hee hee.  I fake laughed, thinking everybody else would, but I ended up looking like a moron, because not a person around me let out a sound.  Then the camera panned over to Jerry, who also had (get this) A MUSTACHE!   Oh, such grand humor!!!  I could have never seen that one coming!   I sat silently, because I thought everyone else would, and this time all of my friends laughed.  "Jeez, Alex . . . you just had your mind set not to like it" one of my mouthier friends mouthed.  I itched my nose and looked back toward the screen, where there was already a commercial!  Not more than a minute and a half, and we're already back into advertisement land.  "Well," I thought to myself, "at least they're done milking that lousy joke."

After about 7 minutes of ads, the show came back on.  I think Jerry and George were sitting in a bar, where Jerry had performed, earlier in the "evening."  Then that annoying Kenny Banya (or however you spell it) guy came walking out.  Everyone in my living room groaned.  I think somebody may have actually farted.  But, I could just be thinking that, because I'm still sort of stuck in the anal stage.  Anyway, Banya was a big hit on stage - as always - and Jerry thought the only reason he had "killed them" was because Jerry had warmed up the audience.  This part was kinda funny, but I don't really see why Banya has turned into a stilted robot, wrapped up in a layer of flesh.  Seriously, I'll probably have nightmares over this guy. 

Then I think Jerry and George went back to Jerry's apartment, and hung out for a while.  Kramer made his grand entrance (which he's done a lot better, a million times in the past, for a mere $60,000 an episode), and . . . SURPRISE!  He had a mustache.  Ha ha ha.  Anybody need any milk?  At least it wasn't slapstick (that came seconds later, when he comes back, cleanly shaved).

Next, George got a job at this playground place, primarily because he was "handicapped," due to his cane.  Making fun of handicapped people is always good for a laugh, and this part was pretty funny.  Especially seeing George "riding" up the stairs.  Not to mention him blurting out the already classic line, "let's face it - I've always been handicapped."  For some reason, everyone's eyes were focused on me, at this point.

From here on out, it went kinda downhill and entered the dreaded . . . slapstick zone.  Kramer fell asleep while sunning, covered in butter, and Newman went nuts, and wanted to eat him.  Blah, Blah, Blah.  Elaine and her boyfriend broke up, and made up on the plane.  There was a good moment where they talked all nerdy to each other after making out.  I asked everyone in the room, "why do people always talk all nerdy to each other, after making out?"  And everyone just stared at me.

Oh, and there was another pretty kinda classic moment.  George got one of those things that people that can't walk drive around in, on sidewalks, and stuff.  Then he got some old dude, that was also driving around in one of those things, all pissed, and a whole line of people went "racing" around on them.   That made me laugh really loud, and I felt like a gigantic dork. 

Now I think I'll move on to my final analysis, and abruptly end this.   Like last year, I'm noticing "Seinfeld" becoming more and more far-fetched, and family-friendly (i.e. no more masturbation episodes).  Instead of a cohesive series, it's turning into just a series of skits.  Kinda like "Seinfeld Night Live," or something.  All in all, it was an okay episode, but could have been a lot better.  Kind of like this review.  Thank you for reading.  Good night.

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